Partner not helping much with baby...

[RubyRoss218]

I've told him but his reply is 'i haven't got boobs, i can't feed him '
Like the baby only cries to be fed...

Nothing's changed for him - nothing!
He sleeps all night soundly after gaming every night. He wakes up for work and comes back and has his tea on the table, washing done for him, clean house etc

On weekends he'll sleep in until late morning, sometimes midday.
I express how it annoys me but he says i should've woke him up, why should i wake a middle 30's year old man up when he can clearly hear the baby and turns over.

Im so fed up, i love my baby but my birth was traumatic and im still in pain, he doesn't care to help me..

Ive asked him to pass me baby on a weekend when she cried in the night so i can feed her then pass her back to him to change her nappy and wind/ settle her but he doesn't
He said a father's role doesn't come into play until the kids are older and then he said baby will be be 'daddies boy'which is comical because he thinks i do all the hard work and then he gets all the best bits as he grows and gets easier.

Not sure what im asking, i just needed to rant and maybe some advice on how to make a man child understand. Im so down from his actions its making me slowing go into depression.

Omg what a lazy so and so.

Honestly I can't stand grown men who behave like children playing video games.

As an aside, I am so fed up with seeing people on MN blaming the OP for marrying someone who turned out to be shit. Stop victim blaming!

What a prick. Stop doing his washing and cooking for him, just sort yourself and the baby out.

I'd be sitting him down and having a big chat with a serious view to leaving. It's not helping, it's doing his fair share. He can't even be arsed to bond with his baby. My DH has always taken our two of an evening when they were little - they just snoozed on him while he watched the match or played video games while I got a bath or went to bed early. There's no excuse for shit men.

Do these men just turn into dickheads when the baby is born?

This is horrific and in my opinion abusive. I can’t imagine doing all of that alone, it is slave labour.

Looking after a baby, all day and night and doing all the cleaning/ cooking while he does nothing is appalling.

I’d leave him, he sounds like an arsehole and isn’t going to change.

@WhoppingBigBackside

Do these men just turn into dickheads when the baby is born?

@whoppingbigbackside sadly in my case yes, when childless, we all have our own interest, hobbies etc and then when baby is here it seems he doesnt want to give up his old life to prioritise the baby....

Sorry he sounds like a waste of space and a wanker.

He should be making dinner when he gets home, and cleaning up, doing laundry etc while you put baby down for the night. I used to go bed at 8 or 9pm as my baby was quite reliable sleeping from 730 til midnight, so I tried to get my sleep in that window. DH would clear up and do jobs round the house in the evening while I slept. He then used to get up at 6 so that he could take the baby in the morning while I slept in, as I had done all the night wakings.

I suggest you give him an ultimatum of pull his finger out or move out.

@hotpenguin thanks for your reply. My baby is just how yours was. She has a good sleep from 7.30 to midnight and then shes every hour but unlike your kind dp, i do housework as she sleep

He said a father's role doesn't come into play until the kids are older
Words fail me.

Stop cooking and cleaning for him, and although you really shouldn’t have to wake him up, don’t be stubborn with the ‘why should I wake him…’ wake him every time until he starts responding on his own, no point spiting yourself on principle. He sounds like an idiot tho OP, you’d be better off without him.

I’ve recently had my first baby and I’m feeling so much rage on your behalf.

Your partner is a cock. Everything outside his working hours should be 50/50… you’re both parents now and the days of doing whatever he pleases are over.

No one can tell you what to do but I’d be issuing my husband with an ultimatum if I were in your shoes.

If he doesn’t want to support you and look after his own child then you’re better off without him .

Gosh I am so sorry, this is not normal and you deserve better. Me and my DH had our moments after DS was born (Velcro baby and my DH would get a bit frustrated when he came home from work and the house was a bombsite, I nearly tore his head off when he referred to ‘helping’ with the baby) BUT, when DS was sleeping terribly I went to bed at 9 leaving him with a bottle of expressed milk and he would stay up with him until half 12/1, I’d deal with the many night wakings, then he would get up with him again at 7am to give me a few more hours. There were some days during the 4 month regression where he got up at 4am before work because I hadn’t had any sleep. He cooked every evening meal in the early days, and I would lie in every weekend morning and he would give him his first feed in a bottle. He’s not perfect and will dodge a nappy if at all possible but your partner is just being plain cruel here and it’s not acceptable, you don’t get to opt out of parenting until it’s fun. As others have said, I think you need to make it clear that you won’t be staying if that’s the case. I’m so sorry x

Firstly I’d drop a few chores, such as making his food for him and doing his laundry, also slack on the cleaning up of the house and let him come home to a messy house with no food cooked. Maybe then he will realise you’re struggling when it directly affects his needs. At the moment he sees you are capable of doing everything on your own and so he’s not going to help you.

Also speak to your health visitor and see if they can have a chat with him. Sometimes an outside perspective can help.

He’s walking all over you and you know that so I’m not saying it to make you feel bad. The key thing is to stand your ground, if he doesn’t do the dishes or cooking then don’t do it either. He’ll eventually give up.

Very common unfortunately.

Remind your DH of what having a baby and parenting means. Tell him about priorities when you have a child and that if you continue to feel like being with him makes no difference than if you were alone in terms of workload, then you don't need him around.

Some men need to be pushed. They are lazy. Very deeply lazy. And will find any excuses to justify it.

Make it very clear that you will not slave around regardless of who goes to work/earn the money.

He sounds like a wanker and a loser OP
Nothing about him in your post would make me want to stay with a man like that, such an unattractive attitude/outlook.
Bin him