4 week old and toddler - am I now “unreliable” to friends and family?

[Highlandmama]

I have a gorgeous newborn boy but it’s been a bad run health wise with 2 colds, a tummy bug and me with a chest infection (not Covid). The classic toddler at nursery scenario. I’ve also missed a family wedding (DH went) because it was 3+ hours away and I had a 2 week old and was ill (chest infection and Athsma so steroids and antibiotics needed).

People have wanted to meet up / meet newborn but obviously between bugs ive had to cancel and cancel again.

My lovely mum has been helping but said basically I’m unreliable now I have the 2 children and I need to accept that.

This has REALLY upset me as I like being reliable and don’t want friends and family just to see me as someone who cancels! But how (this year with Covid especially) how do I do that! Is she right? Am I unreliable now? Is this a silly thing to worry about during night feeds??

I think she's forgotten what childhood illnesses are like and the sheer effort needed to get two dcs under four ready to go anywhere.

Don't take any notice of her. I'm in awe of you having the energy to even consider these things.

I wonder whether she is encouraging you to cut yourself some slack (you have a 4wo!) and just picked the wrong word. It’s not accepting being “unreliable” so much as accepting that for a short while you may have to be flexible with plans and things may have to change at short notice. People understand - you have just had a baby (and I wouldn’t have even considered a journey of 3+ hours for a wedding with a 2wo, with or without a chest infection). It won’t be long and you will be able to make and stick to more concrete plans again soon.

I agree with @SMBH.
Your dm didn't express herself well.
By virtue of your situation you're unreliable for the short term for anything outside parenting.

And that's how it should be.
Concentrate on your dc and enjoy them
You'll know yourself when you feel you can plan more.

Thanks everyone and @SMBH and @Debetswell you are probably right. Just probably a poor choice of words and I just have overthought it. x

Yes I agree poor choice of words- with close friends at the newborn stage all plans were seen as hesitant to be confirmed nearer the time based on how we were feeling and no one minded of plans had to change due to illness/ sleep deprivation etc. Give yourself a break!

Unreliable due to young children. Totally fine!

Don’t overthink this or you’ll get yourself a headache that isn’t needed.

I feel your pain, my nursery age child has been ill, passed it to younger brother and I have a newborn too, by the time everyone is dressed, fed, given meds, fed again etc etc the day is done, I wouldn’t have time to go anywhere or worry that I hadn’t!

Yes, you are unreliable at the moment and that's absolutely fine!
You have very small children and yourself to manage and that can be chaotic.
Don't take an off the cuff badly expressed remark too hard.

Your youngest is only 4 weeks old and you have been ill. Cut yourself some slack. You are not unreliable. A year from now you will look back and think 'how did I get through that?'. You will get back to normal. But get well first. Then get used to having 2 kids. Then make plans with people. Congratulations on the new baby.

Stop saying yes to stuff then you won’t have to cancel.

Was she trying to say you're being too ambitious with your plans? If you keep having to cancel at short notice it's probably worth holding off on planning until you're a bit more settled.