Out of town wedding, what to do?? 🤔

[ImpatientMama]

Hello! I'm in my friends wedding out of town at the end of October. I am due the end of September. So the baby will be maybe a month (depending on arrival). Originally we were planning on driving there with baby and 2 year old along with my parents who would watch them during the festivities. With COVID not getting any better, and both baby and toddler not able to be vaccinated, my mom said that her and my dad would be happy to stay at our house and take care of the toddler and baby while we go to the wedding. So we would leave on Friday and get back Sunday. I am planning on nursing, so I would bring my pump with me. I would leave any milk I pump plus formula to make sure the baby is fed. My main question is if it too soon to leave the baby for a couple days? No mean comments please! Thanks!

It’s too soon to leave the baby that long. Either bring baby with you or bow out of the wedding.

I think a few weeks old is probably too soon. And pumping at that stage is really going to mess with your supply. Guessing they won’t let you take the baby with you?

There's no way I would have left a baby that young for more than a couple of hours, the baby could be as young as 2 or 3 weeks and breastfeeding won't really be established yet. Why don't you leave your older child with your parents and take your newborn with you?

I left my 6 week old baby for around 5 hours with my mum so I could go to my friend's birthday party and it was so terrible. I was exhausted and had to express down the loo which made me cry because I longed to give the milk to my baby. I couldn't drink and just couldn't relax, and needed to be with my child. Too young to leave at that age in my experience.

We had a similar situation and we called the bride and groom to explain and they allowed us to bring the baby. Many people would make an exception for such a small baby, especially if you are good friends. Obviously just take baby outside immediately if they cry and consider how long you can realistically stay with a newborn. Alternatively I’d decline the invite as I think this could end up being very stressful.

Sorry Op I don't think I could leave a baby that young. But you might feel differently, esp if you are bottle feeding.

I remember standing with my 8 week old at a wedding and a woman told me, told me "oh my newborn is 7 days and at home with my mum" my jaw dropped. . At 7 days I could barely get myself together into my jeans never mind to a wedding.

I'd look at other options rather than leave your baby. The other issue is if they won't settle, and we know babies are fickle how far is it to get home?

@Driftingblue thanks for the response. I would be fine bringing the baby, but would like at least one of my parents with me to watch it while my husband and I are at the wedding. I made this commitment before we got pregnant and I would just feel bad bowing out this close to it.

@JaffaRaf thanks for the response. With my first they told me to pump between feedings from day one to help with my supply. I had no idea it could be a problem? The baby is absolutely welcome, not to the actual wedding, but would stay with my parents at the hotel during it. With COVID and other illnesses going around with such a little one, my mom was the one who brought up the concern of traveling with them.

@DietrichandDiMaggio thank you for responding. I would have no problem leaving my toddler behind with my parents and taking the baby. We would need at least one of my parents there to watch the baby during the wedding though. I could run that by them maybe.

@ribbonsred thanks for responding. That sounds terrible. I would have my pump with me so I could save milk to give the baby. The hotel would have a fridge for me to store it and the bride said the venue would have somewhere to store it as well.

I agree, it would be much better to take baby with you. I’m not quite sure why you’d need one of your parents there though? Couldn’t DH look after the baby while you are performing the essential bridesmaid bits? If he’s also part of the wedding party then I think he could bow out and your friends would understand.
If you take a good sling plus a pram then I don’t see why you couldn’t manage it between you.
Then your parents could stay home and look after your older child.

The hotel would have a fridge for me to store it and the bride said the venue would have somewhere to store it as well

Has she double checked is info. I imagine many places would be loathed to have what's essentially a bodily fluid in their fridge in good times nevermind middle of a pandemic.
How are you going to store it to get it home?

@CookieCrunch123 thanks for the response. I could reach out to the bride about doing that. We were going to have my parents watch the kids while the wedding was going on, so not planning on bringing the baby to the actual wedding. My mom could easily bring the baby to the wedding when it needed to be fed, and I am sure we wouldn't stay the whole time anyways. I would be exhausted I am sure.

@Lockdownbear thank you for responding. It is an 8 hour drive from home. Which is why it would be a weekend trip no matter what.

@NLondondiva thanks for your response. My parents offered to come when we first got pregnant. It would just be easier because they could watch the kids while my husband and I are at the wedding. I know more people there then he will, he has only met the bride and only 1-2 times. I am sure he would be fine being the main caretaker of the baby if it would come to that. I just never thought about bringing the baby to the actual wedding. Just ducking out for feedings and coming back. Clearly I haven't thought it 100% through. 😬

@Lockdownbear I just texted the bride about the storage yesterday and she just said they would. So I am not sure exactly how she worded it to them? I was thinking a cooler to get it home. We could get ice from a gas station when we head home.

Definitely not.

I can't believe you are even considering attending a wedding with a four week old baby, plus toddler, which is 8 hours drive away ... and for someone that your DH has only maybe met 'once or twice'.

I assume you are in the States where travelling such huge distances are more usual than in the UK but it is a huge commitment and you have no idea how you will feel or if you (or the baby) have complications following the birth. Not to mention the Covid situation.... if it was me I would give my apologies.

Thanks for your responses @Aquamarine1029 and @Ragwort. We wouldn't be bringing the kids to the actual wedding, which is why my parents would be coming along with us to watch them. If there are any complications I would definitely not attend, and I am sure the bride would understand. So far this pregnancy has been a healthy one.

An 8 hour drive! Babies that young can only be in car seats for 45-60 minutes at a time. It would take you 2 days to get there and 2 days to get back! A baby that young can still be establishing breastfeeding and a few days away from it can undo good work. It can massively affect your supply etc. I'm fairly flexible and easy going with my newborn and toddler but there is absolutely no way I would be going. Make apologies and offer to take the bride and groom out to a nice meal a few weeks later.

No way would I leave a newborn baby that long.

For a poxy wedding? Not a chance

I can't understand your DP's either ... that they are also willing to do a 16 hour round trip, to mind your very young DC so that you can attend a wedding? . Sometimes you just have to look at the practicalities involved and decline an invitation.

Will makes a very good point, very young babies should absolutely not be strapped into a car seat for such a long journey ... that's a whole day in a car . You would have to factor in lots of breaks.

Two weeks post EMCS with my first I was bleeding, swollen, and struggling to feed him. No way I'd have been able to get myself ready for a wedding much less attend one.

I've never been to any wedding that would be worth the faff to be honest - I certainly wouldn't have travelled so far to one.

OP I meant just pumping, without your baby there for a few days. Pumping whilst also feeding as normal is different. And you’d probably need to mix feed (with formula too) for a week or so before the wedding if you were planning on using it whilst away, because what if the baby wouldn’t take it. Personally I don’t think it’s worth the risk to breast feeding just for a wedding at such an early stage when you could take the baby with you. It’s a personal choice though, not a right or wrong one.

Op 8hrs drive, tiny newborn, I think I'd be inclined to say No, however looking at all options is getting the train or flying an option?

The conditions I would need for me to consider it, is baby stays with you and able to feed on demand.

Expressing milk just isn't easy and I honestly think you'd end up dumping the milk. I'm not sure I'd trust milk to be stored in a coolbox for an 8hour drive home (more likely 12hours+ for breaks).

Look at options but i wouldn't be 8hrs away from my newborn, not criticising your choices, just really worried if baby doesn't settle, refuses the bottle or whatever your not just a couple of hours to be home.

I love a wedding but this is a no from me. You'd need a lie flat car seat or else it's a stop every 30-45 minutes to get the baby out. Trying to drive for 8 - 12 hours on broken sleep is a recipe for disaster. You'd need to stop to feed, pump, change pads. You've got to take so much stuff - pump, bottles, steriliser, buggy, multiple changes of clothes....Add in a 2yo and the journey sounds horrendous by itself.

I looked absolutely awful at a few weeks PP - leaking boobs, bleeding heavily, bloated, knackered, big belly, crying. Nothing was comfortable, there's no way I could wear something a bit more formal.