Miserable 8 month old- so fed up!

[PartyPotato]

8 month old DS used to be so happy and contented- everybody that met him commented on it. He was a joy to be around and I loved spending all my time with him. But over the last few weeks he’s just getting more and more miserable. I know 8 month olds don’t have ‘tantrums’ but I can’t think of any other word for it.
I know he’s frustrated because he wants to crawl but can’t quite get there yet, and he wants to climb up everything, and his gums hurt, and he wants to chew everything and play with things he shouldn’t so I have to say no and move him away, I know he must be frustrated but my god I am just so fed up of listening to him whinge and cry all day long. It goes through me like a drill.
Every little thing is a massive drama. Doesn’t want any more of his dinner? Cries when I dare to put the spoon by his mouth. Needs a nappy change? Cries when I lie him down. Wants to have a chew on something? I give him every toy/teething device we’ve got and nothing is good enough. Just whinge whinge whinge all day long. I get up to an hour of him being in a good mood after every wake up, if that, then he starts going downhill.
Obviously I play with him, give him all my attention, cuddle him in case all he wants is a cuddle. He doesn’t, he pushes off me. I feel like he’s fed up of me and everything else around him. All the things he used to love doing, he now whines and cries after about ten minutes. He’s got a bouncer, a walker, books, soft toys, sensory toys… he’s just miserable doing anything.
We get out the house and see other people several times during the week, or they come to us, which provides a bit more distraction but still ends up with him in tears.
It’s relentless. I’m so fed up and irritated after a whole day of this, when DH gets home I just hand DS over because I can’t listen to it anymore. Obviously I knew that this stage of childhood would come eventually, but I really didn’t expect it to happen this early on. I’m really sad because he used to be so happy and playful and cheery. Now I just dread doing anything with him.
His sleep is fine, sometimes he will whinge for a bit in his crib but other times he just falls asleep once he’s in his crib. Naps are fine once he is asleep, and he’s sleeping through the night as normal. He has a little soft toy in his crib for him to have a chew on if he needs to satisfy that urge before he goes to sleep. I feel like he’s been teething on and off for weeks now and no teeth have come through (he got his bottom 2 teeth months ago and wasn’t anywhere near as bad as this).
I feel so bad saying these things about him because when he’s in a good mood, he’s brilliant. He’s smiley and chatty and makes me laugh so much. But those moments are starting to be less and less and I feel so upset that I’m losing my happy little boy.

It’s so hard when they are in a deep whinge funk. My DS had awful phases of extreme whingey-fussiness, which peaked in his first year at about 10-11 months. It is just that though - a phase. Every baby has them, to a greater or lesser extent. It is no indication of who he is or what he’s going to be like. They’ll come and go with each milestone over the first few years. Currently my DS (~15 months) is a joy to be around, but I know it could all change next week.

Practically, by 8 or 9 months my DS couldn’t stand things like sensory toys or his bouncer as he’d out grown them and found them boring. He was too young though for a lot of ‘1+’ toys which made it a tricky time. Baby groups and loads of distraction outside (swings, duck pond, supermarket, cafes etc) was my daily go to, but every baby will be receptive to different things.

Make time for yourself +++ as the whinging really does drag you down. Easier said then done but try and tell yourself it’s your child’s way of communicating his current feelings: it’s not a direct attack on you and it’s no indication of your parenting.

@AliceW89 aww thank you for your reply. I had a bit of a cry to DH and he reassured me the same, that it was a phase and he’d be over it soon. I really hope so, and I feel a bit better now.
Taking him to a new playgroup on Thursday, we haven’t been for a while. So hopefully he’ll have fun there and won’t get too grumpy! I’m sick of having to keep telling him no, but he’s so adamant to find his way to things he shouldn’t be playing with, messing around with things, dropping his food every single time even though he does want it. I know this is all ‘normal’ but I thought it would be at 1+, not 8 months! I don’t want to keep upsetting him and make him think I’m a mean mommy.
He’s gone down to sleep fine tonight with some bonjela on again. I don’t think he needs calpol tonight as he wasn’t upset (unlike before his first nap this morning where he was sobbing his eyes out, the poor little thing. Calpol sorted him out).

Rather than having to say no, move things around in your home so it doesn't matter if he does reach the lower down stuff. We deliberately put dvds on shelves ds could reach, because we didn't mind him taking them on and off. The more baby proof your room is, the easier. We also put tupperware/pans and other non breakables in cupboards he could get to. He enjoyed emptying them and it harmed no one.

Have you tried toy rotating? Put some away for a week or so and then bring them back out.

The whinging is frustrating but there is usually a reason for it.

@Hercisback oh yes one of his favourite things is to open the 3 tv unit drawers and pull all the DVDs out! I let him do it for a bit and show him all the dvd covers like they’re books but he needs supervising and I can’t sit on the floor with him for hours, eventually I need to get up, if I leave him to it I worry he’ll shut his fingers in the drawers. So eventually I have to finish that game and then there’s tears! I suppose I could leave a few DVDs out for him to play with and turn him away from the drawers. But he loves opening and closing them as they make a nice sliding motion.
Yes he’s got a toy cupboard and every few days I rotate what gets left out on his play mat.
Yeah I agree he is frustrated, he can get on his hands and knees but can’t actually crawl so he gets cross when he’s stuck. He also loves me to hold him up standing on his feet so he can hang on to the sofa, coffee table etc. Which is a nice game but has to stop eventually, cue tantrum!

I'd have left mine with the drawers to be honest! How often has he trapped his fingers?

Will he sit in a highchair in the kitchen while you cook?

That age does require a lot of supervision. Perhaps lower your expectations and accept you can only get things done when he's napping. Or include him in jobs round the house. I used to take mine into each room when dusting and chat to them. If I was cooking they had pans and a spoon on the highchair/floor.

Remember, this too shall pass. It is only a phase and he will be less frustrated when he can move.

Mine was miserable from sitting up at 5 months to pulling up and cruising at 10 months - couldn’t learn to crawl as had severe reflux that would choke her when on her tummy. Goodness me that period of time was stressful. I 100% second getting out and about as much as possible.

Have a big strategic think about your room set up so that you dont have to say no so often. Move stuff up and away that he might break, put a block (can of beans?) inside the back of the drawers so they cant close all the way and then put a couple of sacrificial DVDs in there. Then move all the others. Move any tippy furniture, put bumpers on the corners and add a stair gate on the door. Then let him at it. He will develop much faster if left to his own devices for small parts of the day, but he does need to be safe.

My dc had a kitchen cabinet that ways theirs to mess with. I filled it with all my grubby old Tupperware and a few plastic scoops etc. Then all the other kitchen cabinets has safety locks on them. It meant that I just moved them over to the right cabinet rather than just telling them no.

I remember this stage well reading your post. DD is 1 now and still into bloody everything but I feel more able to leave her whilst I wee etc because everything that could hurt her is now locked down/up. I felt like I was constantly saying no don't do that/touch that/eat that for a long time. I think its partly adapting to them having independent access to stuff they didn't have before, getting your baby proofing sorted and also learning that eating a bit of mud off the floor won't kill them! DD still cries if I take something forbidden off her but I just swap it for one of her toys with a cheery there you go, how about this instead and ignore the tantrum, she generally settles happily then. Its a tough phase but it is a phase that will pass.

@InpatientGardener that’s exactly how I feel. I try to give him something else and say ooh look at this but he still gets upset.

I am glad that other people have been through the same thing so I know it’s not just my DS! Thanks for the reassurance. I agree I could do with a tidy up so there’s nothing inappropriate he can grab. Would be nice to let him roam free in a bigger space rather than just the part of the living room floor I’ve set up for him.

But the ‘being told no’ thing is just one of a hundred reasons why he whinges throughout the day. He just seems pissed off at everything . Even when he grabs me for a cuddle, and I cuddle him, he then fights to escape. Half the time I don’t think he knows what he wants, he’s just frustrated and cross about the world at the moment.

@SeaToSki that’s a good idea about the kitchen cabinet with plastic stuff in. In a similar vein, I bought him a toy tv remote because he loves to grab the real remote every chance he gets and press all the buttons, and chew it (and it’s not the cleanest item!).

@Hercisback I do take him round the house with me and that used to work but now he still finds something to cry about. He’s a grumpy bugger at the moment.

Also in this stage. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is just a phase. I find it much easier to spend the day out and about. I think sometimes the whinge is through boredom. Also being out and about in noisy places helps to drown out the whinge!

I find the freedom of finger foods leads to less whinge than offering a spoon. Toys and TV to distract during a nappy change. Definitely make your living room a safe room and move things about, get cupboard locks etc. I never have to say no when she is pottering around in the living room because there is nothing that she can do that is dangerous or isnt allowed. Provide a treasure basket of safe sensory things to explore as an alternative.