I feel so lost as a new mum

[Homelife124]

My son is 4 months and I’ve been suffering with feeling pretty lost as a new mum.
He doesn’t sleep which obviously makes things very hard and by not sleeping I mean wakes up every sleep cycle 45-60 min and needs feeding or cuddling back to sleep which takes 30min all night long + so I am exhausted.
I do all the nights as my partner works and found it too difficult to cope with get good up in the night abs being tired.
I’m with my baby all day and I love him so much but often don’t know what to do with him, I’m so tired I don’t have enough energy abs it seems when I play with him he just cries like he doesn’t like me. I feel in useless and don’t “get” him. My partner seems to be able to make him laugh abs smile and it makes me feel so sad I can’t.
I’ve also got into a situation where lack of sleep causes me so much anxiety when I get the chance to sleep I can’t, sometimes my baby and I’m just there desperate to sleep but not able to, it’s torture. Im not sure what I’m asking really just if anyone else has experienced anything similar ? I thought it would be such a happy time but I’ve just been so unhappy for most of it

Op we've all been there
Can DP do weekend night feeds?
Do you have help?
Any baby classes around?

In the morning, both get ready and head out for a coffee!
It's amazing what a morning walk can do.
This saved me! I found if I was out the house first thing it woke me up, got us both fresh air and set us for the day.
Even a wander around the shops or even just round the block for half an hour.

I used to do the above, go sit in the park, go to the lake.

Try to get into a routine, wake at 7am each day (hard at first!), feed milk, find out wake times for 4 month old, put down for nap before over tired, if can’t self settle start off in pram, get feeds and naps organised (plenty advice online) and bedtime by 7pm. Try gentle patting it hand on tummy to get to sleep until baby can self settle. Some folk will scoff at a routine but if you can get one that works for you, you won’t be so tired and you’ll get more enjoyment out of your little one and a break during the day when they nap hopefully eventually in a cot and you can put your feet up! It doesn’t have to be this way. It will be hard work establishing a routine but if you can get there it’s worth it!
Good luck!

Yes, you’re not alone.
This is what I found to be the shittest part of parenting so far.

4m sleep regression as a FTM is like absolute hell.

I second the PP even though your partner works get him doing some stuff at night, even if he won’t settle with him atm eventually all the trying will pay off.

Have you got a routine?
If so what is it?

Well your partner needs to step up for a start. Noone likes being tired cos they're up at night with a baby....well, welcome to parenthood.
I have a very full on and stressful job that requires me to be alert and rested. Sometimes I have to be up at night with my baby and work the next day but I just get on with it. I would never dream of getting a full night's sleep 7 days a week and leaving all the night wakings to my partner, that's insane.

I do all the nights as my partner works and found it too difficult to cope with get good up in the night abs being tired. How lovely for your partner!

My partner seems to be able to make him laugh abs smile and it makes me feel so sad I can’t you need sleep to function, your partner can be better than you as he isn't suffering with exhaustion and frankly he isnt affording you the same consideration. I suggest he comes home from work, takes over parenting from 7-8pm until midnight just to allow you to rest.

I'd second (third?) the vote for getting partner involved. Maybe he does from bedtime until midnight (or 11?) and then you take over? Gives you a few hours in a row, at least? If he gets up at 6, that would give him 6 hours, which is TOTALLY survivable.

Dd woke every 45 mins- 2 hours until she was 15 months and I was such a martyr. It means I hardly remember the first year and a bit of her life because I was so utterly sleep deprived. I swear I used to hallucinate... not good at all.

And yes. Routine and sleep queues. For dd (now two and a half) I use the exact language at the same times in our bedtime routine. Everything happens in the exact same order. She even gets the same bedtime book (for a week and then we swap). Also sleeping bags are a big queue in this house.