Talk to me about 6 months maternity leave

[Mybobowler]

Second baby due at the end of the year. I had nine months off with my first, and I found the return to work really hard (I'm only p/t, thankfully). I found the first six months of new parenthood totally bewildering and I suffered from PND; the last three months of maternity leave felt really important for our bond and for me to really settle into motherhood.

This time around, finances are too tight for us to survive a single month on SMP so I'm going to have to return to work after six months. I'm already dreading it, but I don't have any other choice.

Those who have taken six months of leave or less - how did you find it? Did you manage to keep breastfeeding? How did you navigate sleepless nights with work?

(We really don't have any other option here. If we did, I would take it. The only way I could extend my leave would be to take out a bank loan, which we cannot afford to do).

Ps I know I am incredibly fortunate to be able to take even six months, so I don't want this to come across as insensitive. I just personally don't know anyone who took less than nine months, and even that was considered early and illicited judgement from some.

I hate that we live in a society which forces parents back to work before they or their babies are ready, but here we are.

I went back when my first was 7 months so not quite as early but very similar. I was FT teaching. At times it was brutal but I survived. I continued BF until 13 months, the first fe weeks I pumped at school. Then I settled into a routine of morning feed, after school feed and before bed feed (plus night feeds). You can do it!

Have you checked whether you'd be entitled to UC for the past 6 month bit? I was with my second and got enough to have another month.

I did six months in similar circumstances to you - I had PND and the change from being a busy professional to being a parent was soul-destroying. I was desperate to get back to work but I also struggled a lot when I got there, and I’m still not operating at 100 per cent now (been back for nearly a year). Being off for a year would have broken me completely, I think, and we couldn’t afford it.

Sleepless nights weren’t really a problem, although I have an office job and am ok on little sleep so quite lucky really. There was a sleep regression not long after I went back and I was regularly awake from 2am onwards, so getting about 3-4 hours a night.

I didn’t do much apart from work, housework and baby care, so I put on a lot of weight due to quick meals like pasta, freezer food and toast.

Breastfeeding did start to wane but DS was only feeding 2-3 times a day by then and was happy to take formula or expressed milk from a bottle.

I had 4.5 months off, ds was EBF till 6 months and bf till he was 2. He settled into nursery with no issues at all, and tbh we found the transition back to me working FT was really easy as we hadn't setttled into me not if that makes sense

I had 7 months back when 16 weeks was the maximum and my work (public sector) allowed up yo 6 months. Lots of my friends went back at 16 weeks then when the mat pay stopped much earlier at about 12 weeks I think.
It was fine. However we weaned at 16 weeks then (as advised back then) so he could cope with only feeding AM and evening/overnight and on my days off. I was only working 3 days though.
My next I had 8 months off with annual leave tagged on. She was mostly bottles by the time I went back.
I found babies settle better in childcare before they are 12 months as that's when separation anxiety kicks in.
Myself - I was exhausted but didn't need to pump however would have been able to if I had to. Your work has to allow this and provide somewhere for you to do this.
I was exhausted constantly and feel I have been ever since - but managed a fairly challenging job by keeping alot of lists.
Mainly don't beat yourself up for it. I could have taken longer with the second but wanted to get back when the pay stopped and annual leave ran out. I just told people I needed the money if anyone asked.

Thanks so much everyone, it really helps to see others' experiences. It's a relief to hear that breastfeeding was able to continue in some degree for all of you. I'm currently working from home and I will try to ensure that this continues when I return, so it may be that I can pop to nursery to feed the baby during lunch breaks. I'd try to keep expressing if that wasn't possible. My daughter never accepted a bottle and I'm determined to avoid that problem this time around!

@Hercisback it hadn't even occurred to me that UC might be an option! DH isn't a high earner (~£28K) so we may be able to claim something for a couple of months. I'll definitely look into this, thanks.

I'm not sure I could handle a whole year off either, but they still seem so tiny at six months! I guess the plus side of doing this with a second baby is that we have absolute faith in our nursery and we've seen how much our first child has thrived there.

I went back after 7months and I really needed that to feel like myself again. I work 3 days a week and for me that is the perfect balance of parenting and being me. Have had a few really difficult weeks dragging myself to work on a couple of hours sleep after a bad night but like everything else you just limp through because you haven’t got a choice!

We did shared parental leave and I went back to work (albeit part time) when she was 13 weeks old. I couldn't stay at home a second longer really. I had severe PND and going back to work pretty much saved my sanity (that and the drugs!).

My husband then took parental leave until she was 6 months old, at which point she went to nursery for 3 days a week. We still look after her one weekday each, which gives a great balance to family life.

In answer to your question, I had no issues with a short mat leave BUT she was formula fed and my husband did the night wakings when I worked. By the time we were both working, she was sleeping through. I know this was just lucky.

The more I think about it, the more optimistic I feel that I can frame a short maternity leave as a positive thing - these stories are really helping, thank you.

I think part of the reason it felt so daunting the first time around was that I had no idea how to work and be a mum. I've successfully navigated that now (to the extent that I can!) and while I wouldn't say I particularly love my job, it does provide me with the the intellectual stimulation and hot cups of coffee that I really miss when I'm on my own all day with my baby/toddler. I didn't have that perspective when my first maternity leave was ending.

Depending on a few things (mainly, mine and DH's promotion opportunities!) I will be able to keep working three days a week, at least until DC2 turns one, so that'll make things easier as well.

I took 7 months with DC1 and it was fine. Currently pregnant and considering having a little longer - my job is physically demanding so I plan to stop at 34/35 wks, and maybe go back when baby is 7/8mo. I work 40+ hour weeks though.

I thought it was fine. I actually find working around the baby tougher with my 2yo than I did when he was 7mo and it’s now that I want time with him.