Another baby after PND- am I mad?

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Has anyone got any positive stories or tips for having another baby after very bad PND with the first?

My first is almost 3, and suddenly I want another. The first almost killed me (literally) so it's coming from a not very rational place! But can it be done without getting ill again? Will it dredge stuff up? The last thing id want is to harm the bond between me and my firstborn, as it was so hard to build in the first place.

So I'm stuck between terror at the thought of it, but also a very strong urge to have another, now I know how wonderful parenting can be.

Any experience or advice much appreciated!

I haven't had a second but I was supported by perinatal mental health services when I had severe PND. They made it clear that I could be referred back to them for support if I decided to have another baby.

I personally met women through out patient groups at the service who had just had their second baby, having been referred with the first. They had specialist midwife support antenatally and a plan already in place for if their PND returned. For many it didn't and they had an entirely different experience second time round.

Did you have specialist support? Could you be referred back for antenatal support? It would be worth finding out from your GP or whoever referred you before.

Don't let the trauma of your first prevent you from having another if that's what you want. Get support in place or even just talk it through before making a decision.

Best of luck

I was in a similar position, had PND with my first and then got super broody when he hit 3- he’s now 4 and we’re a couple of months away from having our next. I’ll be honest and say the thought of feeling like I did before terrifies me BUT I’m also more prepared for it too. Don’t let something potentially happening sway your decision, otherwise we’d never do anything scary!

My HV wasn’t great first time round but I had some private counselling which I might set up in preparation, but you may find you have a completely different experience second time round- that seems to happen more frequently than having PND both times. Good luck

I found I had more support with 2nd, because I had pnd with the 1st, they just referred me straight to extra support for 2nd rather than waiting to see how I am. I did get it 2nd time but not life threatening either time. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

I had a second child and was referred to the perinatal psychiatric service during pregnancy so I had extra support in place including regular visits from a community psychiatric nurse and extended appointments with midwife after birth. I still struggled but the support was very very helpful and I think helped me recover quicker.

Basically I told the midwife at my booking in about my mental health issues following my first baby. She referred me for an appointment with a specialist mental health midwife. And she referred me to the perinatal psychiatric service.

Good luck!

Thanks so much for your comments and it's good to hear some positive outcomes. I was under the perinatal MH team last time so I will try and get back in touch.

I think part of me feels a little selfish (on my family, friends, NHS) for even considering doing again, given what happened last time. But it's good to hear that it doesn't always follow that the PND returns.

I had a second child after severe postnatal illness (psychosis). It wasn’t easy but I had a very good GP who pretty much took over my care. Psychiatric services were of little use - in fact the drugs I was given for the first episode triggered profound depression, for which I had to have ECT (it worked).
If I were in the same position now, with better knowledge, I would insist on hormonal treatment. My illness was triggered both times by the resumption of my menstrual cycle (always suffered from PMS/PMDD).

I had terrible pnd with my first and waited 3.5 years before having dc2. I was frankly terrified of having pnd again but I was absolutely fine.

My DM had really bad PND (psychosis) with me, and against her doctor’s advice went on to have my DB 2.5 years later without it happening again.

@OneMillionSteps

I don’t want to be a pedant, but it’s really really important to be clear that Postpartum psychosis is not “bad PND”. It’s a different illness and a psychiatric and medical emergency.

OP- I had severe postpartum anxiety and (so far) have chosen not to have a second baby due to concerns about relapsing/recurrence (recovery took a few years and I still have - mercifully short - difficult spells now and then); I think if you have a good support network and put everything in place though, you’re not “mad” at all. More power to you!

I had undiagnosed PND and probably not as severe as some people on here but I felt absolutely nothing for DD apart from annoyance at ruining my life until she was around 8-10 months old. Of course I didn’t realise what it was, I just though I had made a huge mistake in having a baby.
When I had DS 4 years later I instantly felt what you are “supposed” to feel when you have a baby and I bonded with him instantly (to be fair the birth was a very different and much better experience).
I absolutely adore them both now (age 16 and 12) so just because you have PND once doesn’t necessarily mean you will again

I had moderate- severe PND after DS1. I had a brilliant health visitor who gave me loads of support.

I had DS2 22 months later. It was a completely different experience. I remember being curled up on the sofa with both DS when DS2 was a couple of weeks old and being amazed that it was possible to have a New born without crying continuously.

@VaguelyInteresting Thank you for pointing out the difference - apologies for an inaccurate post on such an important subject. My DM always referred to it as PND, but I’ve just read up on it and her symptoms were more like postpartum psychosis - admission to psychiatric hospital and ECT.
I always felt she was very brave to go ahead with a second so she could have a sibling for me.

My mum was admitted to a mental health unit after my birth. I am 52 and she had electric shock treatment as an inpatient for months. She later had my sister with no PND at all.

Her experience meant I sought help a lot earlier than I might have done.

Thanks for all these comments (though sorry you've had to go through PND too, wouldn't wish it on anybody).

For the first time, I really feel a strong instinct/ urge to have a baby- I spent so long feeling that I had absolutely no maternal instinct whatsoever, so it's quite nice that my gut is telling me to go for it!

@OneMillionSteps

No drama! Just pointing out for the sake of other posters/readers who might not be clear on distinctions, and it might matter to someone

@VaguelyInteresting - thank you 😊

I had PND with my first, couldn't bond with her. 4 years after I had my second and it was like a walk in the park! Although my second actually sleeps which definitely helped

I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, severe pnd and ptsd (from a pre existing trauma) in the weeks after dc1 arrived. Was a right mess, dh effectively had to work from home on suicide watch for 8 months. Took me ages to accept ds as a baby not a doll and then as mine.

I was terrified during my second pregnancy but was absolutely fine. Some baby blues and maybe some mild pnd but I remained a functioning human throughout.

It's good to hear some positive stories!

However I have one DS and I am not planning any more for various reasons - one of which is PND. I never want to feel that way again

@1984Winston

I had PND with my first, couldn't bond with her. 4 years after I had my second and it was like a walk in the park! Although my second actually sleeps which definitely helped

Same here. I was all ready for the no sleeping the 2nd time around, set up a reclining chair in the nursery and everything. I was slightly non plussed when DS loved sleep and preferred his cot to lying on me!!