Getting frustrated frequently with 8 month old!

[Alexa01]

Hi! I am a first time single mum to my beautiful DD!

To be fair i do think my baby is quite good in general i never really had any major issues with her and every now and then i would feel frustrated with her so i’d leave her someplace safe and just calm myself before returning to her. However recently it’s been quite difficult. I’m not quite sure if it’s because she’s teething or because she’s gotten into a sleep regression or if its just me that has a history of depression but currently whenever she whines or cries intensely i feel the anger rising to a point where even walking out doesn’t seem to help since as soon as i come back she’s doing something to make me angry again! I do love her with all my heart and there are unproud moments of me sometimes putting her down not as gently or picking her up angrily! Due to the guilt and feeling of not wanting to hurt her i basically resort to either screaming with her or leaving the room and being destructive with objects (throwing pillows or slamming the door) i feel like this more and more especially nowadays! I’m getting frustrated easily!

I have a good support system and i know i can always reach out but i feel kind of ashamed and like a horrible mother! I don’t know if it’s passing and i’m just not quite sure how to feel with this anymore! I’m a thoughtful person so was hoping maybe to get some advice and some insight to what i can/should do!

Thank you in advance!

I think you need to see your GP. Feeling guilt is good as you know that how you're feeling isn't right, but picking her up or putting her down roughly is really wrong, as is screaming in the same room as her. She's a tiny baby.
Please reach out to your support network, can you leave her for a night with your Mum to get some sleep at least, and see your doctor ASAP.

i feel the anger rising to a point where even walking out doesn’t seem to help since as soon as i come back she’s doing something to make me angry again!

Wtf have I just read. She is doing something to make you angry again...

She is a baby. She cries as she needs something not to piss you off.

Honestly OP see your GP. You need help.

Babies can be so frustrating. A lot of your post resonated with me, to be honest, so I’m probably not going to be able to give helpful advice but I sympathise enormously.

@ActonSquirrel the OP recognises there is no malice in her baby’s actions, that isn’t what she means. What she means is that say her baby is crying, she leaves her for a few minutes to calm down but when she goes back the baby is still crying and this raises her stress levels again.

She was very clear about it being anger and not stress. Throwing things and screaming at a baby. Picking her up angrily. Very clear there.

Well the whole picking up angrily and screaming with baby, doesn’t sound like the OP is in the best place tbh.

OP, it may be worth trying one of those online post natal depression questionnaires. And having a chat with your GP about coping.

Angry people tend to be angry because of a reaction to stress. I have felt absolute rage at my baby more times then I care to admit. Not because he is a difficult or horrible baby but because of exhaustion, depression and stress.

I'd follow the PP advice and make an appointment at the doctors. It's not OK to be rough, or even be destructive in a nearby room as she'll be able to hear and it'll scare her. You need some support with coping strategies before she starts toddling and actually getting into mischief.

Other things that you could try in the meantime, could be ear plugs or signing.

Are you quite sensitive to other sensory inputs, noise in other areas etc? can you get some ear plugs, not to ignore your child but to take the shrillness out of the cry so you find it less overwhelming.

If she is able to clap you can teach her. some basic sign language (search baby signing, Mr Tumble etc) she will cry less once she can indicate 'drink', 'food', 'nappy' and 'sleep'. My Dd was signing from 6 months and signing sentences long before she could verbally express the same things it was a real game changer and might make you and her calmer.

@ActonSquirrel sorry i must have not been clear! It’s my first time writing my concerns so forgive me if i made you misunderstand i’m very well aware that my baby isn’t doing it out of malice and normally when i get frustrated and stressed it’s normally because either she’s beed fed, nappy changed, had a nap and just seems to be fussy and i’m just lost with what to do hence why i get upset! I have picked her up angrily in the past i did talk to my gp about it before but as i mentioned i don’t anymore i either scream with her ( as in i join her when she screams as i heard others say it can help and even make the baby laugh, not loud shreiking screams) and while i do out of stress throw pillows it is in a different room and away from her!

I don't think screaming with the baby sounds like a great idea - small children need an adult to contain their feelings, not add to the out of control emotions.

Definitely speak to your GP about possible PND. Do you go to any baby groups with her? Maybe see if there is anything running at your local children's centre or if your HV could refer you to something like HomeStart for some support.

In the kindest way, you need help and fairly urgently. It's really really worrying to have such a large reaction to a baby just being a baby. She's not doing anything to make you angry, she's being a baby.
Please go and seek professional support.