Did you have children around 21 months+ apart?

[cockle]

For lots of reasons, we want to start trying for Number 2 soon - DS will be about 1 year old when we start so the age gap could be as little as 21 months, if we succeed.

However I'm finding it hard to imagine handling a newborn with a toddler in the house. First time round it was hellish trying to manage the newborn only! How on EARTH do you manage feeding, routines, sleep, transport, ..... ??? (I'm a SAHM and not planning to use a nursery till DS is about 3.)

Please give me the lowdown on the pros and cons, for the early days and beyond.

Hi cockle.

We're going to have 22 months b/w no 1 and no 2, so have been watching for such threads.

Theres a thread on surviving 2 at the moment: under Pregnancy : top tips for surviving first few months with TWO.

A lot of posters seem to have about 2 yrs between them.

I did try to link direct but such things are beyond me.

I think basically its very hard at first but then becomes worth it. this is what I tell myself anyway.

Good luck!

Cockle - I have 19 months and it was not by choice. I think there are pros and cons for both. I feel ds probably missed out a lot when he really needed 1:1 attention as I was busy with dd a lot of the time. So we couldn't play as much as we did before hand. I found the lack of sleep hard to deal with and being pregnant having a toddler to run around after is very tiring.
However the pros are that they are very close friends and always have a playmate. They are both at school full-time now so I found it easier having the intensive few years and now having time for me.
I am so glad it happened that way for me as I really wouldn't want a big age gap. It would hard going back to nappies etc after so long.
Mine are now 5 and nearly 7 now

cockle, we have 22 months between ours, and think its a great gap. In fact I'm trying to persuade dh that we should have the same gap again, but not with much success so far

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This is more encouraging than I'd imagined so thank you.

Bloss, DS is more or less on a Gina routine and I've been wondering if it would be possible to do it with no. 2. E.g. do they have simultaneous bedtimes? Does that work OK?

cockle, I found it fine merging 2 routines. before ds was born I'd be doing bed time routine (for eg) & wondering how on earth I'd manage to fit another one in, but you just do. mine go to bed at same times no prob. don't let the details panick you - there's always what ifs.../how do you.... but it all just happens, somehow.

we have 18 months between DS1 and twin DS2 and 3 - it really hasn't been that hard to manage the newborn/toddler combination. I think it may be harder to juggle the school/playgroup combination though.

Benefits for us - they are usually at fairly similar stages, and they are now playing together. We also got to reuse most of the gear.

It is generally not so hard second time around - definitely a case of been there, done that !

my dd is 25 months and dd2 is 3 weeks. i have been very surprised at how much easier it has been that i thought. dd2 just seems to fit in around our routine and if dd1 needs me i dd2 has to just wait, its hard knowing who to put 1st but its usually dd2. its lovely seeing dd1 cooing and kissing dd2, she has taken to her very well and its so so much nicer having the 2. go for it, it was the best thing i ever did!

I had 22 months between my two and it was fine. Infact I think in some ways it is easier as they are both quite babyish and now they play great (5 and 3) scrap loads though, but that normal!!

23 months between our DDs and I agree with one of the posters that I felt that DD1 was just at the point where she needed lots of 1 2 1 when DD2 came along and I felt dreadfully guilty.

Without ever reading an article by Gina Ford, we usually managed to get both DDs to sleep concurrently at least once a day. Yes it is hectic and tbh once the 2nd one is on the move, even more so, but for them, it's a great gap.

Frankly although they each have their moments, they adore eachother and will play together really well. They're 2 and 4 next month and I'm dreading already the time when DD1 goes to school, leaving DD1 at nursery - she'll be distraught...but that's for another thread

I felt the guilt too, I remember it well, especially as dd has special needs. but long term it has worked out great

Thanks all. I think we will go for it!

I have a 24 month gap and became a single parent when dd2 was 3 months old and I managed! dd1 was at a stage and has always needed lots of attention but luckily dd2 was a prefect baby so it was fine. Neither slept through for a long time but I got used to lack of sleep - try not to think about it I say!

They are now nearly 5 and nearly 7 and they adore each other (nost of the time) and play brilliantly and my life is sooooo much easier. It was tough for a while but I'm glad I went for a smaller gap rather than still be in the toddler stage as some friends with an older child the same as age as my dd1.

Yes that's my thinking - try and get the most intensive phase over with all at once!

18 months between my two - ds five-and-a-half now & dd just four. Can't to be honest remember very much about dd's first 6 months, it just shot by (maybe that's relevant in itself). On the other hand, I have a crystal clear memory of the week after she learnt to crawl (at 9 months) with ds saying "come in my house [dd]" (ie under the kitchen table) - they have been pretty literally inseparable ever since. They like the same food, share friends, interested in the same sort of toys, books, outings - & most important, I think, exactly the same wildly silly sense of humour.

In fact, I sometimes wonder whether they'll ever love anyone else as much as they adore each other.

I have a 2.5 yr gap between mine but have 3 friends with the 21 month gap. Their babies are all 1+ now. They all say it was a nightmare for the first few months, mainly due to the whole one-to-one thing that most here have mentioned. But now their babies are bigger, they all seem to play really nicely with their siblings and I think it's lovely to see your children engaging nicely with each other.

That said, DS has been fantastic with DD from day 1 and is not that much older.

It depends on your mindset I guess - I'm very much a "what's the worst case scenario" and so didn't want to chance having a jealous clingy toddler, but if I was of a sunnier diposition I might have gone for it earlier!

I have a 22 month gap between No 2 and No 3, and although, if I remember correctly, it was fairly hard work at the beginning, the benefits definately outweighed the negatives - and having a new baby in the beginning is hard work anyway regardless.

They are now 5 and almost 7 - and they get on incredibly well. I would even say that those 2 are closer than with No 1 (who had just turned 4 when No 3 was born).

I couldn't give you any real details of how I managed, mainly because I can't really remember! It was definately worth it though

I would go along with the comments bloss made. I have a 21 month gap between mine and I wouldn't have it any other way. For the first few weeks ds slept loads, which gave me lots of time with dd. Then I did the baby whisperer sleep training with ds when he was 7 weeks old and since then he has settled himself to sleep for every nap and sleep (he is 1yo next month). Ds adores dd and she keeps him entertained just by being in the room, so I didn't have to rush around frantically trying to entertain a baby because he would watch dd doing anything, dancing, colouring, watching tv. Once he started to crawl then there was some agro, and sometimes there still is, but dd is learning that it helps to put special things out of ds way or to give ds something else first. I think that there is a whole lot more guilt with n2, but you certainly wouldn't think that he had been denied any of the 1 2 1 attention that dd had. Dd is at nursery school a couple of sessions a week which gives us some time, and he's a very happy, sociable little boy who never stops babbling and loves to mix with children of any age
Go for it! So many people stopped me in the street etc and said things like' oh, you'll have your work cut out with 2 that close', but the only people who said 'well done' were other parents with a similar gap who said that there children had always been close and that they never regretted a minute of it

Thanks again everyone! Allatsea, when you say baby whisperer sleep training, do you mean the pick-up-put-down method? Have been thinking of trying this with DS when the worst of his teething is over (another thread, I know, but interested to hear it was successful for you - how many nights did it take?)

There is 18mths between our first dds and 15mths between second two dds.

Agree with everyone else that initially it is a shock to the system, but it doesnt take long to get into a routine. Second time round things are easier anyway I would say, and as you are having one so close to the first you are still in the swing of all the baby stages. I found it much more difficult going from dd2 to dd3 as there was 4yr gap - was just like starting all over again. I found that because the oldest was so small themselves, they were too young to be jealous of the new arrival - they just accepted the baby. Also they are very close, great playmates for one another. I would recommend having them close together - would do it again if I could!

allatsea, I see there's already a thread on pick-up-put-down - maybe you could post your answer there if you prefer?

We have 23 months between ours, and the big big plus is that the eldest still has a nap. When you have your first, you are told to sleep when baby sleeps. You can't do this second time around, so people whose toddlers no longer nap must be dead on their feet!! Feeding wasn't a problem until weaning started (try and prepare weaning foods far in advance), now I just prepare myself to be half an hour late wherever I go! In some respects, it is easier second time around, because you are used to handling children, whereas first time round everything is new.

I've got 19 months between ds1 and ds2 and 21 months between ds2 and ds3. They are now 3.5, 2 and 10 weeks.

It's hard work but very manageable and for me the pros of close together outweigh the cons. I cannot imagine getting one potty trained, into nursery/school (like you I'm SAHM and ds1 has only gone to playgroup 3 mornings since 2.5)), self feeding..only to start all over again!!

At least all the 'hard' stuff is over with soon!

Others might disagree but it's what works for me anyway.

Thanks - I'm getting quite excited now that I'm thinking in terms of reality, even though I know it'll be tough