Mother in law driving me crazy postpartum?

[Katey94]

My baby is 3 months old & my mother in law is so overbearing.. I have always liked her but ever since I had my baby she want to visit a lot & when she does she holds baby the entire visit which I don’t like, one time I was waiting to feed baby & she wouldn’t hand her back then took the bottle from me & fed her .. now she’s pressuring me to go stay in her home for a few days and I don’t want to, I even told her not to kiss my baby and she does it anyway.. it’s driving me crazy , what can I do ?

The staying over and constant visits, I think you should definitely address. Stand firm and explain why it doesn't work for you. You're an adult, you don't have to do anythig she tells you.

The holding and kissing part... I don't really understand the problem here. Why do you oppose to her being excited about their new grandchild and wanting to express her affection?

They told me in hospital not to kiss my baby on the face Incase people she cold sores etc that sometimes the herpes virus is active even if not visible and can cause brain damage or death to babies

Have you brought this up with your dh? He should be telling his mother to back off a bit and to cut back on the visiting. Does she just arrive or does she at least call first? If she calls tell her it doesn't suit. If she just arrives, again, tell her it doesn't suit. If she's holding baby and she won't give her to you, you just walk over and take the baby from her - she doesn't get to dictate.

As for staying in her house, just say no thanks, you are quite happy at home. Put some boundaries in place now so that you're not back here in 5 years time with a long list of things your MIL has done to annoy you.

She’s just OTT, is she lonely?

Just tell you have plans and ask her to leave

You never kiss your babies face?

No because when I gave birth the baby nurse said not to because if people get cold sores the virus can be active even when not Visible and it can be deadly to babies

Tell DH he needs to address this, so next time MIL refuses to hand baby back he needs to be addressing.

Maybe let MIL know again you don't like face kissing? No other way round it than to tell her unfortunately or DH can

5 babies down the line and no nurse / midwife has ever told me that

Yeah I have four children and was never, ever told not to kiss their faces. Not once.

@Katey94

No because when I gave birth the baby nurse said not to because if people get cold sores the virus can be active even when not Visible and it can be deadly to babies

It's kissing them on the lips that can do that and I've personally avoided, kissing cheeks, head etc is no problem.

I also have a 3 month old baby and my MIL sounds similar. Although I personally don't mind, I like having a break when she holds him and feeds him, means I can actually enjoy a cup of tea before it goes cold haha!

The point is though that you're not happy with it and that's okay to feel that way. I think though it requires a bit of give and take, it's only natural that she's excited to bond with her grandchild and it's nice that she wants to hold them and cuddle etc, if you say you never want her doing this, I'd think that's a bit mean really. If it's constant and it's too much for you then it's okay to set boundaries and say that you want them back to feed them etc and they can hold them another time

It’s my first so when she told me I just got a fright and never kissed her face Incase

@Katey94 that's understandable we can only go off what they tell us.

As above though, it's kissing the lips that can pass on cold sores etc so please don't worry if you want to give baby a kiss on the cheeks etc

It’s just that she completely takes over and my father in law never gets a chance to hold the baby

Do you have the herpes virus/a history of cold sores? I can understand not wanting MiL to do it but I've never had a cold sore so was quite happy kissing my own baby!

That’s nuts. Kiss your baby. That’s the best bit.

Secondly, be happy your kid has a loving, attentive grandma. Go take a bath, get your hair done, go to the shops, enjoy the break.

But yes if you do have an active cold sore then it's very important you do not kiss your baby anywhere. That much is true indeed.

You need to stand your ground. If you want to feed your baby, don't hand her the bottle, say LOUDLY & CLEARLY, 'I'd like to feed MY baby, thank you'

If she comes around uninvited, don't answer the door, retreat upstairs and wait until she goes away. If she rings, tell her you and baby are catching up on some one-to-one time, ALONE.

Choose one or two slots a week, when you would like to have your MIL round, and invite her. Make it two hours before nap time so there is a natural end to the session. If she tries to stay longer, say you are going to catch up on some sleep and you'll see her later in the week. Hand her her bag and lead her to the door.

Learn to say No, and be obstinate, or your life/child won't be your own.