Damage control parenting tips for 3-year-old son in wake of Dad and I separating

[Twoddle]

Please does anyone have any parenting advice on how to minimise the damage mine and my partner's separation could have on our son?

Ds has been expressive with his feelings so far (it's week one) - saying things like, "I don't want my life to be like this" and "I can't handle my feelings" - and getting very angry, crying, and going to his room to lay down. And being happy and contented a lot, too. I am giving him space and encouragement to express however he feels, and lots of cuddles and reassurance. But I'm hurting too, and not great at playing at the moment.

My two main concerns are (1) ds feeling it is his fault, or that Dad doesn't love/want to see him as much - rejection, I suppose, and (2) the effect the split could have on ds's relationship patterns when he's older. He has recently been playing beautifully with dolls/teddies, making families with a mum, dad, etc, and I don't want his ideals and sense of family to change.

Help! This is all very new to me.

Thanks so much.

Well i've never personally had to do this but if I did I would hope that DH and I could be civil, consistant, not use the kids as bargaining tools, not ask the kids to find out info from the other parent, and give shed loads of reassurance about the fact that we still loved him just as much and that would never change and this was about mum and dad and not about him.
I guess its really difficult but civil even friendly relationships between divorced parents are not uncommon and provide stability for the children.

Good luck, things will settle down eventually.

Just to add that my DH comes from a divorced parents and background while his dad was a bit unpredictable when he and his bro were kids his mum was very consistant and didn't try to alienate the kids from their dad. DH and his bro have grown into successful grounded adults with happy marriages.

Try as much as possible to separate in your mind DH-your-ex-partner and DH-your-son's-father, and prioritise a friendly, civil relationship with the latter. Maybe reiterate to DS that lots of people's mumsand dads live in different houses but they still love their DC verymuch. Is your about to be ex partner prepared to be reasonable?Whatever your x does try never to slag him off to your DSand try to keep the split as civil as possible.

Thank you.

Yes, I can see how remaining civil, friendly even, will be best for ds. It's very hard at the moment, as it is all a bit raw and dp has done some things which have hurt me enormously.

Another question: How do we avoid "Weekend Dad" syndrome, whereby Dad has concentrated fun with ds and Mum does the tedious/boring bits as well and can't be fun all the time due to having other things to do? I really want to avoid this but at the moment, don't see how. Dp has no place of his own yet - is a bit of a nomad - and will come back here regularly purely to spend time with ds.

Thanks.

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