I work in teaching but can't control my own child

[midnight22]

Just that really. It breaks my heart. I can quite easily deal with anything that work throws at me, look after a class of up to 30 at a time, can be completely unphased professionally but my 6 year old leaves me at a complete loss.
He's very switched on and I love him dearly but right now I don't particularly like him and the mum guilt I have over that is crushing. I feel like I'm failing him.
I'm a single parent with a younger child and I work hard to carve out 1:1 time with him every day when my youngest is napping/after she's in bed but I feel like he's got so much frustration and upset inside of him and all I end up doing is mirroring that.

Solidarity OP. My eldest can be a handful. I don't think it's worth comparing your class to your firstborn. Unlike your class, your firstborn has direct access to every part of you that feels inadequate. They are always at the very edge of your parent skills. And it's usual for them to have an ongoing grudge against baby number 2. I say to mine "it's hard to share your parents sometimes" (ala How To Talk - giving voice to/ recognising their feelings). And I think to myself "it's hard to be a parent sometimes" because it really is

Thanks @Sparklyboots, you nailed it about the vulnerability of them having access to all the inadequate parts. It's so true. I just wish I could be the kind of parent I am with other children to him too if that makes sense? That's what it boils down to for me. I know I'm not a shit mum but it's so hard when I know I can give him better care than this but end up letting him/myself down

I hear you and have been there, lots of patience for other kids but sometimes none for my own, can you get some support from a family support worker at the council (early help)

but I feel like he's got so much frustration and upset inside of him

Why would he be full of frustration and upset?

Are you just making excuses for bad behaviour, when he just needs to learn to control himself?