Want more but can't, support/ rant thread!

[Mommabear20]

Just thought a place to come and rant and/or offer support for those of us that would love more children, but for whatever reason won't/ can't have them.

For me, I've got a 14 month old and a 5 week old. I'd LOVE another (or 5! 😂) but DH is set on 2 and has even said he'd like a vasectomy to ensure no 'accidents'. I completely understand and agree with all his reasons, money, space etc. But the mummy side of me is still craving those children I see in my dreams of our future and having a hard time accepting that I won't have the amount of children I always wanted.

I will join you. I've got a 9 month old boy, and would love to have another baby, but my DH closed shop, he doesnt want any more.
I was going to start donating clothes my son has outgrown and his Next2Me (it's like tearing it from the heart, I find that very emotional), and I casually mentioned it to DH. Surprisingly he said he wants to keep it for a little while 🤔 I was just getting excited that he is changing his mind (why else would he want to keep that stuff?), but I can't face another hard no right now so I'm not bringing it up directly yet.

It's so hard isn't it?!
DH has said he'll hold off on the vasectomy for a little while and see if his mind changes but I doubt it will. I want to keep all my DC clothes just in case but he doesn't see the point, so doesn't fill me with optimism 😢

I salute you for wanting more when you just had a baby 5 weeks ago!!

@Cranberriez 😂 not just yet! 😂 but I just love the newborn stage and love the thought of a bunch of kids running in on Christmas morning, the excitement and laughter that multiple kids would bring to the home 🥰 I know with more kids there'll be more arguments too but I think the pros far outweigh the cons

My dh was adamant he didn't want more after each of ours (though never volunteered for a vasectomy), now he wants to go for another. Our 6th was born 10 days ago! Was a rough birth so I'm not interested in more right now, will probably change my mind once fully healed though. I've always wanted a big family, I do most of the caring and he works away a lot.

Tell him if he's sure he wants no more than go for the vasectomy. If he doesn't do it... you never know he may change his mind on having more.

I think this is really common when you have tiny babies and children. I found the small baby bit a walk in the park tbh and if you have a good sleeper in your 14 month you are v v lucky. Imagine having a few teenagers op ....

I always felt like 5 would be my perfect number, and DH agreed until we had our first 😆 we can fit into a people carrier, wouldn't need a mini van 😂
Can stay in hotels without having kids in separate rooms to mum and dad even though we'd need 2 rooms. DH on the other hand is already missing his sleep! 😂

I have 3 dcs and when I had newborns I was always "I want loads more".etc etc..I think its hormonal. I have older dcs now and we are both 36 now and we are v much done. Weirdly I actually find things more difficult tbh....way more full on with older kids, things are so much less simple, I loved the easy routine of smaller dcs. I loved going out for walks with them in a sling or pram , the simplicity was lovely .. Not having a good day with mine tbh !!

@Abitlost2 oh no! I hope your day gets better! I do understand what you mean about small kids being easier though, and hormones definitely are to blame! I guess it's natures way of making sure we keep procreating! 😂

Checking in as has a very vivid dream last night that were going for a 20 week scan and found out we were having twin girls 🥰 😭 my two DC have been absolute angels today which is only driving my desire more so feeling very emotional about it today

I'm joining this thread. I'd love a third but dh is very against it and, although I do see the logic in investing greater levels of resources in fewer children I'm not spock.

@Elwynne I'm exactly the same! I understand and respect his reasons for not wanting any more, but I can't help how my mummy heart aches for another (or 3!)

How long is a reasonable amount of time to keep our babies things before getting rid?

I want to hold onto them just in case, but after how long would you say it's time to let go?

My baby is 11 weeks and was an icsi baby. I would love another but husband is dead against it as he feels we got lucky with the icsi in that it worked first time. We would also need to pay for any subsequent rounds which we could afford but there is obviously no guarantees.

Mommabear not sure, have been asking myself this question. On one hand I'd quite like to get my spare room back (it's like a glorified storage space at present), but on the other hand I can't let go of What If?

@Mc3209 I know 😢 I hadn't really thought about it yet, but my DM came over yesterday and commented how DS was getting too big for his Moses basket and we could probably sell that now. I have no reason to keep it as I'm 99.99% sure DH won't change his mind, but IF we had another, I love the idea that they'd all have slept in it. I know it's stupid and not a big thing but mummy brain doesn't want to let go just yet

Mommabear if it makes you feel any better, my baby is 10 months now and I still have his Moses basket 😬

Would love a massive family but for us it's just not practical and I'd rather share our limited finances between the one we've got and the one on the way so I'll be passing in all the baby stuff as soon as number 2 has outgrown it. I like the idea of other people getting use our of our stuff rather than it just sitting there 'in case'.

Having said that the cot we use was the cot my brothers and I slept is so I'll keep that in case it's wanted for any grandchildren.

Feeling an emotional wreck today after dropping a load of DC clothes that no longer fit off at charity shop. Think of things aren't at around for me to look at constantly, it'll be easier to get over not having any more kids

Honestly OP, wait till you have a 2 year old and one year old 😂 the tantrums & running in opposite directions, the squabbling. I am two & done, that is for sure. I have a 3 year gap & frankly couldn’t have coped with anything smaller 🙈 DD1 didn’t sleep through til she was 3.5 😱 DD2 is thankfully a good sleeper but she is an absolute terror at 18 months. The tantrums are far worse than DD1 at the height of the terrible twos!

It’s OK to feel emotional of course but just focus on all the time & energy you will have to put into your two kids. They activities you’ll be able to afford. The nice days out. Their own rooms (I’m guessing). Proper time to help them with homework later on. It’ll also be easier to have that one on one time with each individually while your OH has the other. Same with having time for yourself.

There’s a reason most people have two kids. It’s far easier to strike that nice balance between parenting & time to be you as well! You also have one hand for each child 😂