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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone tried attachment parenting and found it DIDN'T calm their baby?

48 replies

boo64 · 30/11/2007 13:47

Just curious really after reading so much about attachment parenting....has anyone tried it and found it didn't suit their baby (I imagine there are a few people who found it didn't suit them as parents but I want to know if things like co-sleeping and carrying are 'guaranteed' to make for a happier more settled baby

Any experiences?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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floo · 30/11/2007 13:58

I personally think co sleeping is the biggest load of cr*p going. It is unsettling for both the baby/child and parents.

belgo · 30/11/2007 14:03

co-sleeping worked wonderfully for my second dd. And I still carry her in a sling, she's now more then two years old.

DD1 was very different, a very unsettled baby. Co-sleeping didn't work for us, because she just wouldn't sleep, and neither could I. But I kept her very close - in a cot right next to me for the first year. A sling sometimes helped settle her; sometimes a ride in the pram. She was just a baby who cried a lot, and i'm not sure if I could have done anything better.

belgo · 30/11/2007 14:04

I personally thinking that attachment parenting suits a lot of babies, but it doesn't suit all parents.

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colditz · 30/11/2007 14:04

Didn't suit ds1. I wanted to cuddle him and hold him and love him ... he wanted me to put him down, fuck off, switch the light off and close the door behind me - upon which he promptly went to sleep. Ds2 enjoyed being cuddled while sleepy though.

colditz · 30/11/2007 14:05

Ds1 didn't cry a lot at all, but he did cry if I was cuddling him against his wishes, from newborn really

ImBarryScott · 30/11/2007 14:11

co-sleeping didn't work for us - DD seemed to get all over-excited by our presence, and was more restless than when in her cot. it's a shame really - she'll co-sleep when ill, so that the only snuggly sleepy time I get.

Viggoswife · 30/11/2007 14:32

Worked for us. Did it with both DC and they are both really secure happy kids. I didnt do co sleeping for that long though really 6 months for both of them and then found that they were quite happy to settle in their cots but right next to the bed. DD 14 months and still in her cot next to the bed. Kept DS there till he was two and he settled into his own room with no problems on the first night. If I were to have more kids I would do the same again. Carried them both in slings as long as possible as well.

BroccoliSpears · 30/11/2007 14:33

Dd was happier as a little baby being put flat to sleep peacefully in her crib, than being cuddled and carried about. Now she's 18 months and loves to be cuddled to sleep or to sleep in our bed.

ruty · 30/11/2007 14:35

we didn't try it from the beginning as i didn't have a clue. Ds was a night mare from the beginning - would never settle, never wanted to go in the cot, or the pushchair. So i started carrying him around in the sling - it calmed him down. After three months of severe sleep deprivation for all of us we started co sleeping. Bliss. We all slept through for the first time ever and continued to do so.I was breast feeding and realised co sleeping worked brilliantly for this, no interrupted nights. So I didn't actuall know was attachment parenting was when i started - realised later that was what we were doing, and it worked a dream for us. Ds now 3, happy and confident. So for us it worked i'm afraid!

Rosetip · 30/11/2007 16:31

Yes, I definitely think co-sleeping is great from a baby's point of view. Probably stems back from our caveman days, when they needed constant body heat just to stay alive.

I've done it with all 3 babies at different times and for different reasons eg breastfeeding. I now put my 6 month old in his cot every night, but last night he came in with me as he had a bad cold. It was quite sweet, he seemed really pleased to be out of his sleeping bag, curled into the foetal position with his face an inch from mine and reached over to touch me in his sleep all night. He slept much better.

policywonk · 30/11/2007 16:34

Co-sleeping works like a charm for us and our two boys but DS2 absolutely hated the sling - used to scream blue murder until we took him out. He loved the pram though. Like all these theories, you have to pay attention to what your child is telling you and be guided by them I think.

33kjs · 30/11/2007 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrBunsentheHarpsichordCarrier · 30/11/2007 16:39

dd1 did not take to co-sleeping, she liked her own space from very early on. she loved bf and cuddles and being in the sling, but after a couple of months she could not settle unless in her own cot. her first sentence was - stop touching me
dd2 is the complete opposite

sprogger · 30/11/2007 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosetip · 30/11/2007 20:40

33,

You could try putting you son in his cot for short periods during the day when he is wide awake so that it is not a scary place to be.

My DS seemed to like his cot a lot more once we had bought a decent musical mobile and then I would alternate between playing it for a few minutes and talking to him or just leaving the room to do something useful like the laundry for a little while.

I think it's a good idea to come back quickly if they start to cry at first to avoid that whole abandonment thing, and then you can gradually build it up.

My son is quite good now (6 months) at going into his cot at 7, especially like today when he had his last sleep at 3, but if he wakes in the night I must admit that I more often than not just put him in bed with me as I'm just knackered and I don't want the other two to wake up!

honey2theb · 30/11/2007 21:12

My dd is 3 months old now, and has slept in with us since she was born really. she would never settle in her basket, and then in her cot. its so much easier with bf, i would be knackered if i had to get up and warm bottles etc in the night
Also dd seems happier in my slingy thing than in her buggy. is this attachment parenting? dont really know much about it. will google. lol

Original poster

boo64 · 30/11/2007 21:39

I think ds, now 2, would hate co-sleeping now as he seems to like his own space and isn't that cuddly but then he hasn't co-slept at all since he was a tiny baby so maybe that's why.
He used to come into bed with us only part way through the night and it did make him sleep better but not me!

With the sling/ carrier issue I don't think it spoilt him at all. He didn't want to walk outside even though he could for a long time though as he preferred being carried in the Ergo but we got over it.

What does everyone thing are the key elements of At - co-sleeping, babywearing, extended bfing and maybe not leaving a baby to cry?

OP posts:

liliac · 30/11/2007 22:03

God, I would never co sleep, it would be my idea of hell, worrying if I would roll over and smother the babe to death in my sleep.

shortshafe · 30/11/2007 22:10

I agree with Colditz, my dd, now 13 months, doesn't like to be cuddled, hugged or carried - she is an independant little madam and has been since birth! We co slept for the first 4 weeks or so, which worked brilliantly, since then she will only sleep in her cot with the light off. Her first sentance will be 'get off me mummy'

honey2theb · 30/11/2007 22:18

liliac, i think i would worry more if i didnt have dd really close to me!! when i used to try her in her basket i was awake listening to her breathing! lol she only lasted about an hour at the most in there anyways!

sometimes i wish dd would sleep on her own, but she just wouldnt have it! MIL has been saying its dangerous etc having her in bed, but its either that for us or getting no sleep! lol!

liliac · 30/11/2007 22:23

But what about the lady who smothered her baby whilst they slept together. this is the lady I was thinking about but it just goes to show it happens regularly.

liliac · 30/11/2007 22:23

Sorry,
I meant this ISN'T the lasy who I was thinking about.

honey2theb · 30/11/2007 22:33

liliac, i agree with you! i do worry about it, but i am SUPER cautious. i wouldnt ever sleep with her after a drink etc, and i sleep lower down the bed than her so that the blanket only goes to my chin, and never over her face. i push dp over to the other side of the bed so dd's got more room also!
it is a worry!

liliac · 30/11/2007 22:36

But what about the lady whose baby overheated and died from co sleeping.

liliac · 30/11/2007 22:39

Actually, I am starting to sound very shrill and shouldn't be on this post.

As I said before, it would scare me to death I would rather she/he slept on their own, if they died because I had co slept I would bnever forgive my self.

Apologies to those that do, its just not for me.

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