I can't do it anymore

[loulous1985]

Baby is 4 months and I'm just done with it all. This is so so hard. I know this sounds awful so please don't judge but I just want to remind time and make it all stop. 😥

I felt similar at that age. Just to comment on not feeling yourself, you will get back to this, maybe not exactly as before but as baby gets older and you start to have some time for yourself, you will be able to do the things you enjoy again. I straightened my hair and dressed up for dinner for the first time in a year the other day and I literally never thought I'd see that version of me again. Might be a good time to do a KIT day if you work as well, if you like your job. It'll remind you that you aren't just a mum and give you some adult conversation. I went for loads of walks at that age, its tough for finding things to do. Hugs, it absolutely will get better.

I don't have much to offer in way of practical advice but I just want you to know that you aren't alone. I'm currently sat downstairs after crying for the last hour trying to deal with my 4 month old having a meltdown because he missed a nap. I'm feeling better now and calmer after crying for a bit, hormones are just dreadful and I could kick myself every time it all calms down for letting them take over my brain.

I'm incredibly blessed to have a baby that sleeps well at night but the days are bloody atrocious.

Op I feel the same sometimes. I have a friend whose baby us 4 months old now and they are sailing through it all like a bloody dream, and I'm here with my 5wo screaming the house down all the time, fighting sleep during the day with desperately trying to quieten him whilst DH works in the kitchen next to us. It's soul destroying and I do often think what have we done?! Just wish for a moment to have my life back 😪

I was exactly the same OP! I struggled so much, and found myself wishing I hadn't done it! In the end I spoke to the Gp and got some anti depressants. My lo is now nearly 1 and I promise you it really does get better, I couldn't imagine my life without him now. Don't get me wrong I still have the days that aren't great but I never ever wish that he wasn't mine anymore. You will get through this, and it will pass, I would suggest speaking to your gp xxx

OP, call your health visitor - even if it's just for a chat. I called mine around this time and she was lovely. They evaluated me for PND which I was borderline for and was referred to talking therapy. There is no shame in struggling, lots of mums struggle and the more people that can be open about that the better.

Try and find time when your OH is working to take time to be you again - without baby! As much as we love them, we all need a break. Go out by yourself / meet friends / have your hair done / go for a run / whatever. Take some time for you.

I recommend you get the app Wonder Weeks. We did it around the same age as yours is (eg a little hooligan). It really helps to understand what's going on in their brains and their perception, what to expect at each leap and what you can do to smooth it out. Leaps are the challenge f weeks, almost on schedule.

After each leap you'll be looking out for new skills, and watching their development is lovely. But 4m was hard. Really hard.

He's 9m now and full of life and personality and not just grumping.

You can do this!

4 months with DD was so hard. I had while nights where I didn't even see my bed, I don't even know how I was functioning.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Please do reach out to your HV or GP, even if it's just for a chat or reassurance. Speak to your friends - they're your friends, they'll want to listen. It's fine to tell people you find it hard sometimes. I think we all feel we're supposed to be perfect parents and so happy with our little bundles of joy, but as wonderful as these tiny humans are they're also really really hard work. I have two kids now and I'll tell anyone who'll listen how bloody exhausting they are.

Tragically there was a toddler in my local community killed by his mother last week. She's been sectioned and charged with murder. So please, don't bottle things up, keep talking.

Please don't be afraid to contact GP about how you are feeling.

There is no shame in this at all and health professionals are trained to support you with this. Talking about how I felt was very hard at first but was the best thing I ever did. I can only describe the newborn / 4th trimester phase as the hardest time in my life. I promise it passes but in the meantime it's ok to ask for some help.

Your health visitor might also be able to support too, they should know the local area well and also might be able to help meeting other mums going through similar things. I joined a local mums Facebook group and lots of mums felt lonely and wanted to meet up

Sending hugs x

Do make a date to see your friends, get your hair done and go out for an evening. Speaking from experience, I know it seems like just so much damn effort, but it does the world of good. Same with exercise - if you can drag yourself to do it, it makes you feel so better. Taking time for you is really, really important. It’s so easy to feel like you just lose yourself under a pile of laundry and diapers!

Hang on in there, it gets better, I promise.

When my DD was five months I wrote myself a letter at 5am telling me how terrible this was, how much my mental health was suffering and telling myself never ever to do this again. My DD is 11 months now and I read that note sometimes and it already feels like a lifetime ago and things are so much better now, but I do still remember how harrowing and awful I felt back then. It WILL improve. Your in the worst part in my opinion- the adrenaline has worn off, the sleep deprivation is hard core, baby still does nothing except lie about all day and get grumpy- but now will less naps than when they were a newborn so you get less breaks. It’s TOUGH! I promise though in a few months time things get so much better- they get so much more fun and interesting, and hopefully sleep will improve too which makes the world of difference. It’s not unsual to feel how you feel, but do make sure you speak to someone because it does help to talk. I reached out to my HV and she just came and listened to me every few weeks and let me vent without any judgement. It made so much difference.

When my twins were 10 weeks old I actually sobbed into my dad's lap telling him that I just needed to put them "back in" for a little bit. I did not have PND, I was just exhausted, hungry, and couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

He ordered lunch, sent me for a bath, fed me, and sent me to bed and looked after the girls until OH got home from work. (Side note: I love my dad!)

Is there anyone you trust who can give you a genuine break? It was only half a day, but the fact that he felt I needed and deserved the break changed my perspective and I stopped expecting quite so much of myself.

Hang on in there OP; it's a long, long time since mine were 4 months old but I remember how hard it was. Have you got a Home-Start near you?

I remember feeling like this. It was awful. She’s now 4 and I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

That first year with DS1 was unbelievably hard - some nights my head would hit the pillow and he'd wake back up again. I'm not a fan of cosleeping but napping together was my saviour so I used to try to catch up during the day - I made sure we had clean laundry but everything else just fell by the wayside. So hard. But it gets easier and it gets better. You'll get more time to yourself (not loads but some!) and that makes a big difference.