Hi, I am looking for support because, whilst my mother has not been formally diagnosed, my brother and I have spoken to mental health professionals and they are fairly confident that she is exhibiting symptoms of borderline personality. The list of her behaviours is endless but some examples are as follows.
I have criticised throughout my childhood. If I did (even now) one thing "wrong" then I am bad throughout or at least that is the way she treats you. She is passive aggressive and when you say something she does not like or she is upset because you haven't phoned or seen her enough she will barely speak to you but carry on a conversation with a monotone voice. She is very critical of others as well. She talks ALOT and never asks about you. Everything is worse for her. When you try and make her see that it isn't that bad you can't win because she is on her own and I have a family. She expects so much. I see her one day during the week (because I have a day off) and always on the weekends plus I phone her during the week and it still isn't enough. I could go on and on but suffice to say I am drained.
I am 36 and have two children but I feel like a child still because of the way in which I have tried to cope with her over the years. I hate the confrtonation or her giving me the 'cold shoulder' and 'voice' so I have done my best to avoid it but now I have been told i shouldn't be doing this. I should try as much as normal to act as 'normal'. I am not sure i know what that is but am now trying to just say things or do things as i would expect with others. It is also becoming a problem with my 4 year old because she is saying inappropriate things to him (particularly about my father which I do not think is fair) and i won't let her do to them what she has done to us. I appreciate that she may well have a mental health issue but she won't accept help. My brother and i have just tried to get her to see the dr because she has been very down and she became very aggressive with us. Overall, I am looking for help and support. I am at a point where I can't see how to cope with this for the next 20 years. I have a very stressful job and I am feeling pulled in so many directions. Any help or guidance on how to deal with a parent with BPD or with issues like the above please let me know. I am so tired of never doing enough and yet I have no more to give. Thanks in advance and sorry for the long rant!