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Parenting

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Original poster

shall i let my 4yr old boy go and live with dad?

10 replies

bebopallula · 30/11/2007 13:12

i have given my whole story in lone parent section under father lives 150miles away. Please read it, even though it is rather long and posted twice! oops! i need all the advice i can get! we are all having a tough time..

OP posts:

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Dinosaur · 30/11/2007 13:18

Could you really bear to give him up? Could he really bear to be without you? I wouldn't do it, myself. I think you need to tread very carefully and not rush into doing anything that you might regret. Can you get some support/counselling for the issues you are dealing with?

Original poster

bebopallula · 30/11/2007 17:58

dinosaur, no, i don't think i could! but
I keep going back to this and then can't bear the idea, so not able to do it

i don't know how he would be without me, he's ok for a few days/week, but i don't get much feedback from dd when he's there. he loves to spend time with dd, they are close, he may ask for me, but he seems fine on the phone.

i cant continue like this. i do need some support for this difficult time and have been to gp i have some information on self help groups but not been, its time i did if i'm thinking about something so life changing for everyone.

OP posts:

lemonaid · 30/11/2007 18:09

No, I don't think you should (let him).

Your ex is unreliable. He was controlling when you were together and there's no reason to believe he's changed. When your DS2 is with him he doesn't establish boundaries, encourages aggressive play and may be actively egging him on in the lack of respect he shows towards you. Having your DS2 living with him full-time at this age strikes me as a very bad idea.

Do you have brothers? Live near your father? Have good male friends? If so it might be a good idea to have a more local, stable male presence in your DS's life who can model better behaviour for him.

How do you handle it when your DS2 makes comments to you like that?

I think you are right to talk to your GP. If self-help groups don't help you could also ask about family therapy or about counselling for your DS2.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

cheeset · 30/11/2007 18:26

I dont think you should let him go.

You sound drained and exhausted like you are about to give in and this sounds like a way out of your problems but I dont think it is fair on your ds. This isn't fair for you either. What do you do?

If this was me, i'd try and muster up a bit of strength and energy to sort this out.

Agree with Lemonaid-family therapy/councelling you need some support.
Come on girl!
You can do it.

Dinosaur · 03/12/2007 11:40

I agree with Lemonaid too. Keep posting on here if it helps - people are generally very supportive.

I have been thinking of you over the weekend - hope you're okay.

Original poster

bebopallula · 03/12/2007 21:21

yeah, i'm ok thanks, things have been better recently, i was feeling particularly exasperated due to my monthly coming on, so that explains the tension...

the kids pick up on it as well, which makes them behave worse!

I do have a brother nearby, who does have some very sound advice but not into spending time with kids, unfortunately!

i am very exhausted with it all, but i can be strong and i appreciate your faith in me!

It is a big help having fellow mums to talk to thanks... i'll stay in touch and let you know how it's all going..

it's not all bad news, ds2 is going to be a donkey in the school christmas show!

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 03/12/2007 21:40

good to hear from you - you sound much more positive and that's great

lovely to hear about the christmas show too - I cry buckets at these things - how about you?

Dinosaur · 03/12/2007 21:41

good to hear from you - you sound much more positive and that's great

lovely to hear about the christmas show too - I cry buckets at these things - how about you?

bluejelly · 03/12/2007 21:49

Hello I just read your other post. I really don't think that you should let your ex take him full time. You sound like the best parent by far-- and I fear he would feel rejected by you in later life...

I do think you need some extra help though. Do they have surestart where you are? do you have a nice health visitor or GP you could talk to? They might be able to provide family counselling?

babycarrier · 14/12/2007 11:17

bebopalulla
when my 1st born was only 7yrs old and my 2nd child was only 5yrs old (both same dad)already split but found a new love moved from norwich to kings lynn with him my ex told me im not taking my 1st child as hes his no1 son but i thoght long and hard about it and how it would affect everybody involved, as my son was 7yrs old he had a mind of his own so i gave him the choice of coming with me or staying and living with his dad he chose his dad and friends and new school he just got a place at, we all get on fine still my 1st son is now 14yrs old and seem happy .
i did regret it at 1st but got used to it and now having my 4th child with my new partner and keep my son involved in things

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