Have I messed my toddler up?!

[WindFlower92]

Hoping to hear from people who've had a baby/toddler over lockdown here, I need a bit of reassurance! I have a 2yo, who was 9 months old at the start of lockdown. J was due back at work so she started nursery, and then has dipped in and out due to other lockdowns and then me getting pregnant and keeping her out for the last few months before I had DD2. She has 3 cousins (8, 4 and 2) who she's seen a couple of times, much more recently. I'm worried about how shy she is! I'm very shy myself and really want to make sure she can make friends and feel comfortable around people, but I feel like lockdown has just made her worried around people! She was very excited to go see them today, but when we got there she clung onto me and took a while to feel confident enough to play with them. She seems happier when with me and wants me to play with her more than her cousins. Is this normal for a 2yo? How do I encourage her to be more independent?

Many, many toddlers are clingy at the best of times, I wouldn’t blame yourself. Did she settle into it after a while or did she cling the whole time? Did she seem distressed or just a bit nervous?

I think just gently putting her in situations like this more frequently and being upbeat and not trying to force her to move away from you/join in will help.

Being shy isn't messed up. She'll get there, but hasn't had much experience with lots of new people so will take some time to adapt. She's 2, she doesn't need to be independent.

Oh i just re-read that she did join in on the end, perfectly fine and normal for her age or older I think.

Sorry, I didn't mean that being shy is messed up, definitely not! I'm just aware that I can be quite overprotective and I'm worried that's holding her back with her wanting me to play with her rather than kids her own age. She did join in but then some other kids came round that we're friends of the cousins, and they all went off upstairs leaving DD on her own with the adults Which she didn't seem to mind but made me feel sad for her! I wouldn't have been comfortable with her going upstairs with them as they were being quite rowdy and pushing each other etc., so I played with her downstairs. I think I'm just a bit too precious at times and hate to think I held her back today!

No honestly she’s 2, it’s fine.

She's 2, it's completely normal to be playing in parallel with other kids rather than with them, much of the time, and wanting the reassurance of her mum nearby. That will change in a year or two. You don't need to worry about her being more independent.

It must be so hard for you guys starting parenting in the middle of a pandemic, wondering whether you've got the balance right etc. You sound like you're doing great, thinking about her needs and being responsive - she'll be absolutely fine.

Thanks @BabycakesMatlala, that's lovely to read I've got to stop comparing her to her cousin who's nearly 3! DD seems to cautious compared to her!

😘😘 and the cousin also has two bigger siblings, so it's a different dynamic. We never stop worrying about whether our kids should be able to do things differently - you'll just have more time to see that whatever you were worried about worked out OK

@BabycakesMatlala

😘😘 and the cousin also has two bigger siblings, so it's a different dynamic. We never stop worrying about whether our kids should be able to do things differently - you'll just have more time to see that whatever you were worried about worked out OK

This is a really good point - apparently I was much less cautious than my older brother as I was always trying to do what he did and tag along with him and his friends.

3 out of 4 of mine were like this at that age. One of those 3 is now the most outgoing, confident child in the world ever. Only one was shy beyond age 3 and even she is more confident now at 14 and has a huge social circle.

That's reassuring @Howmanysleepsnow! She's in nursery 2 days a week and we're getting out a lot now so hopefully she will come out of her shell!

@WindFlower92 my DS is three and a half and he was very shy when he was 2, it was always a bit of a joke with my friends and I that he would try to get me to play rather than play with their children! This was without all the covid lack of socialising. Some kids are just shy / wary of others. They like mummy because she's safe.

He's now 3.5 and plays wonderfully with other children, bombing around, imaginative play, the lot. I actually get to speak to my friends and have a cup of tea in peace!

Two is very young, she will develop her social skills when she is ready. Many children are clingy at that age.