Overwhelmed and exhausted with 3 children - does it get easier?

[Fedup2387]

I have a 9 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year and zero family support. I have a few good friends but they either have no children and work full time or my other friends have young children themselves. I work from home and juggle that around the children and their dad isn’t much help as he still needs to grow up and realise that being a parent means more than the occasional park trip. I feel utterly overwhelmed and exhausted trying to keep up with everything, I have tried lowering my standards with the housework etc but that just stresses me out as by nature I am a tidy and organised person and I have thought about giving up work until they are both in nursery ( after Xmas) but can not afford to do so. I just want to know that this relentless - have to keep eyes on them 24/7, screaming, fighting, crying, clinging, mess and crumb spilling stage does actually get easier???? I kind of know that it does from my 9 year old but she was an only child for 7 years until we decided to have 2 babies within the space of a year. I feel overwhelmed, isolated, exhausted, slightly depressed and unmotivated with it all and generally feel like I’ll never have a life again.

Ugh autocorrect! That should say DO you have any toddler groups locally and a lovely LADY, not last!

The baby and toddler groups have all closed due to Covid so I’m hoping they reopen in September. I just feel like giving up. By the end of the day I’m completely and utterly overwhelmed and exhausted. By the time the children are in bed I have the best intentions to pamper or chill or do something for myself but my physical self cannot do it after a day of fighting 2 toddlers to not kill each other or hurt each other by jumping and pushing each other off the sofa or other dangerous things, my 9 year old is very self sufficient but after 7 years as an only child and receiving all the attention isn’t coping too well with it all either. Their dad isn’t much help at all if I’m honest and the relationship is Rocky, I made a mistake choosing him to be Their father and it’s a hard thing to even write on here. He’s very immature and doesn’t understand the intensity of parenting at all. They love him and they have a great bond because he’s the fun one that isn’t stressed at he gets all the rest and relaxion he needs and takes them to the park etc and we have basically split up over the past few weeks which means I’m not even getting the very few moments off that I once was as he isn’t the easiest person to co parent with. My mental health is really really suffering and tommorow is another day of this hell that I have to wake up to. I don’t know what to do.

God I remember that so well. My relationship was in absolute tatters because of the strain. My husband worked long hours and we absolutely hated each other. I could quite happily have throttled him 99% of the time.

Bloody covid. I hope groups open up soon for you. I remember waking up every morning with a pit of dread.

It sounds absolute madness now, but I used to drive to do my shopping at a supermarket an hour away. I'd stop at the cafe because I could have a nice coffee in peace while they decimated a croissant and I could reliably hope that they'd sleep in the car on the way home. I think that was about the most silence I'd have all week. Sometimes I'd stop the car and close my eyes too. Looking back I can't believe I did that, it sounds so extreme, but it absolutely saved my sanity at the time.

It probably won’t get better unless your DH/P does better.

Defo don’t give up paid work when your DH/P is useless.

It does get easier OP. Your younger 2 are at really tough ages.

Does your 9 year old have any chores? If not, I’d start them doing some. If possible try doing jobs together such as folding the washing, putting away groceries and cleaning up after dinner. Use that time to chat and give attention
Go to be early too. You need your sleep.

I would say you need to get your partner on board with pulling his weight but it doesn’t sound like now is the right time for that. Hopefully he will take the kids out more. If you know he is going to take them somewhere for an hour spend half the time doing jobs and the other half doing something nice for you.

[ flowers]

And be kind to yourself.

I had three in born in 1983, 1984 and 1986. It was tough until they were all in school and then it was hard again in the teenage years. Lovely now they are all in their 30's. Sorry OP

@Fedup2387
Morning OP how are you doing?
I rem feeling exactly like you when my first two were little. And I understand completely how the mess and untidiness affects your MH. It's been a tip here all summer, no joke but I'm proud to say that I'm ignoring it until they're back in school.
Does it help if you just tidy away toys, clothes etc (all the DC can help with that, we make it a race or a game) and ignore any proper cleaning? Wipe worktops, bathrooms whatever, but just the minimum for now. I keep the kitchen tidy(ish) and clean and my bedroom is my refuge. Shut the door on the rest of the house at the mo.
As pp have said, get the kids out of the house as much as you can. They can't mess it if they're not in it.
What's the story with your other half? Are you able to seriously discuss how you're feeling with him? Does he know you're at breaking point? In that you've directly told him, not presumed he must be able to see it. I got to the point of looking to move out and making solicitor appt before he took me seriously. We had an awful couple of years and I honestly couldn't imagine ever feeling anything positive towards him, but we worked on it. Only for the sake of the kids at the time -I was done and felt we were over but we've come through a lot stronger.
It's hard going OP, hope you're ok