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Original poster

WTF has happened to my 3 yo!!??

20 replies

Bonnie90x · 17/08/2021 13:48

DD. First born, sweet, sensitive, well behaved, funny, giggly, a dream, could take her anywhere.....until she turned 3 .5.

I have now, a stroppy, disobedient, cheeky, whining demanding teenager!!

Her younger brother is nearly 6mo and I have been extremely mindful about ensuring she has enough attention and I always carve out mummy and daughter time, yet she is boisterous and will not bloody do as she's told. I am desperately trying to stay calm and use tactics such as removing toys each time she says no etc and we have a calm talk before bedtime about why she has to do as I ask. But it begins again the next day from the moment she wakes up she is permanently contrary and argumentative. I am also beginning to emerge from a hellish 4 months of PND/A but this is really starting to grind me down and I'm sadly finding myself almost disliking her at times.

Please tell me this is just a phase!!??

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Hercisback · 17/08/2021 13:51

Pick your battles.

She's too young to really understand toy removal apart from the immediate period after they get taken.

Natural consequences, if she won't put her shoes on, OK go out without them or OK no going out.

Original poster
Bonnie90x · 17/08/2021 13:56

Ok, will try this tactic also. Thank you, I suppose I might struggle with age appropriate discipline. I just do not want to turn into 'the shouty Mum'

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Blippibloppi · 17/08/2021 14:02

We're also in the thick of this. Things that work for us:
Choices (which shoes do you want to wear)
Letting him do things himself (frustrating when you're trying to get out of the door but saves an argument)
Making sure not hungry, thirsty or too tired
Ignoring the tantrum (ok, well mummy will just be over here so let me know when you've calmed down - this obviously doesn't work in some public settings!)

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APurpleSquirrel · 17/08/2021 14:18

Yep we're in the middle of this too with DS (3). Some days everything is wrong & you just have to get through the day as best you can. It does pass. DD (6) still has the odd tantrum, but much less, more able to reason & now sees what a PITA she was at that age! Grin

Muststopeating · 17/08/2021 14:40

I have just had to thinking step my nearly 3 year old DS in front of the health visitor (here to weigh my 4 week old). Sigh.

Fully sympathise with the 3.5 year old key change too. My DD did something similar. We'd gone through the tantrum stage and found a cuddle could sort most out but come 3.5 she suddenly started testing every single boundary.

Part of me wonders if it is because her younger brother (who is at the if I say black he does white stage) was so frequently acting up that she realised she could too.

Don't have a solution for you, but here for the advice. To be fair, I can generally get her to cooperate eventually but the saas and attitude on the interim is just not my girl.

Chocolatetrifle · 17/08/2021 15:09

Have been through this and think am emerging the other side so wanted to give some hope! Have 3.10 year old DS1 and 20 month old DS2. As he is approaching 4 he is a lot calmer ( most of the time), he is more tolerant and understands the consequences of his actions more so now. He is definitely also more agreeable. One day at a time.
I hope you feel better soon, it is so hard, sending you support.

Original poster
Bonnie90x · 17/08/2021 15:54

Thank you all so much for such helpful and reassuring replies everyone, I really do appreciate it and helps to know they all seem to go through it at this age. She starts preschool in Sept 5 mornings a week and I'm hoping and praying it helps bring a bit more structure to the day.

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Chocolatetrifle · 17/08/2021 15:58

@Bonnie90x preschool will definitely help. Mine only recently started and whilst we have had ups and downs with settling him there I have noticed such a difference in his behaviour. It's like he has grown up a bit and is definitely more willing to listen to me and shock horror even do what I ask at times!Grin.

You will get there. Do hard with a little baby too. Make time for yourself when you can. Good luck.

Laserbird16 · 17/08/2021 16:05

I think it is a phase, I remember lots of angry non-compliance from DD1 at this age. She kind of grew out of it. I thought of it as a more sophisticated terrible twos. They're more verbal, more persistent, not so easy to distract or just pick up etc. As she got older she got better at understanding my point of view or that sometimes we just need to do stuff. Still variable compliance and sometimes but generally quite nice at 5. I had to giggle when she told DH 'i'd rather not take my dishes to the sink' after dinner but she was a responsible person and loved him so would on this occasion...er thanks?

Original poster
Bonnie90x · 17/08/2021 17:39

@Chocolatetrifle that's given me such hope - thank you! It's actually quite upsetting that she's seemingly turned overnight. I miss how it used to be, we enjoyed days together instead of 10 hours of battling.
@Laserbird16 thank you! Your DD sounds like a giggle! 🤣

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AlmostSummer21 · 17/08/2021 17:46

Just a bit more reassurance that she'll come out the other side of it!!

Hopefully preschool will tire her out in the mornings so she's a little less 'fiesty' in the afternoons.

Just mutter 'this too shall pass' & know that when she's a preteen/teen you'll look back fondly on this time x

stripedbananas · 17/08/2021 17:47

Testosterone surge.

Will happen again during teen years with added tiredness as their bodies use energy to grow.

Read Raising Boys

stripedbananas · 17/08/2021 17:47

Testosterone surge.

Will happen again during teen years with added tiredness as their bodies use energy to grow.

Read Raising Boys

stripedbananas · 17/08/2021 17:48

I'm so sorry that posted just as I realised it was a DD Blush

Dementedswan · 17/08/2021 17:50

On the choices side of things... which shoes do you want to wear? Make it do you want to wear these ones or these ones. Which plate... which plate, red or blue? Don't give free rein. Make it a closed choice. Don't want to wear a coat, ok get cold or wet... even the most stubborn 3 year old will soon learn.

stripedbananas · 17/08/2021 17:50

My DD was really difficult at 2.5 and in the end I would just hug her really tightly and cover her face in kisses whilst she'd be wriggling like crazy and she'd calm down. It worked for both of us.

justasking111 · 17/08/2021 17:51

It does end choices do work. Which, pyjamas, which story book, hugs, praise.

stripedbananas · 17/08/2021 17:52

There would be times I'd just step over her whilst she'd be having a tantrum on the floor and I'd have to go to another room and let her get it out of her system.

They're just trying to make sense of the world around them as they become more aware of their surroundings and learning how to deal with people and their confusing emotions

MushMonster · 17/08/2021 20:43

Do not worry OP, it is indeed a phase. 3 going 13 is what we used to say at my nursery LOL
But do not let her do what she wsnts. Keep disciplining, and getting structure to the day.
I hope it passes soon.

Original poster
Bonnie90x · 17/08/2021 22:05

@MushMonster thank you. I know she needs structure and routine to help, and I'm slowly figuring it out as the baby regulates his naps. Hopefully preschool will cement a routine for us all it'll get easier, just clinging on for dear life at the moment until then! X

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