14 month old scared of other children

[Blp12]

Hi

Me and my partner are both first time parents to a 14month old.

Since everywhere has re opened and we have been going more places we have noticed he is terrified when another child comes near him. He will literally run from whatever he is doing and want to be picked up until the other child/children moves away from what he was playing with.

We try to encourage him to approach other children and even just wave at them but he has no interest.

Is there anything we can/should be doing? Are we doing anything wrong?

Thank you in advance and I hope it's ok for a dad to ask a question on Mumsnet

We try to encourage him to approach other children and even just wave at them but he has no interest

I'm sorry, I think that you have way to high expectations. No 14 month old is going to wave at or approach other children to in a friendly manner, that sort of social interaction won't come for a couple of years.

If he's scared if other children, I'd just offer some gentle reassurance.

don't encourage him to do be with other kids. he's between scared and no not interested so why bother?
there's no need for him to play with others, especially because from a developmental point of you children at this age prefer to play alone or occasionally side by side.
so there's nothing wrong with him as such.

you are doing nothing wrong by just letting him be.

Hi I read your post and could be describing my now 3 year old. She was always wary of other adults, but as covid lifted we realised she was terrified of other children, and would run away from them screaming. Wouldn’t even climb on a piece of play equipment if another child joined her.
I found the easiest way through it, and it is mega tough, is to not give it any extra attention. Just quick cuddle and then back to what we are doing, so as not to reinforce that what is happening is actually frightening or dangerous. We didn’t try to make her interact with any children, just focused on sharing the same large space at first then working our way up. I spent a lot of time just demonstrating playing and socialising with her hanging onto me.
Things didn’t improve massively until she started nursery - I was quite worried but within one week she was running up to children chattering and playing.
Can only speak from our experience but ours did get better over time. Now we are working on a complete fear of all animals, birds and insects - another result of being more isolated from covid I think.

excuse typos!

I have a question - when he sees other kids does he look at you before starting to cry or run or whatever?
if not - it's genuine

if yes - he's checking your reaction and gauging if your expression says he is safe or not. so when he looks at you just smile at him or say something like "what's up buddy?" or "you are ok".
it's amazing how their reaction then changes.

once my nephew fell backwards in a camping chair. he immediately looked towards his mum, but the chair itself blocked his sight. he could only see me and I just smiled at him and said "oh, that's a good way to look at the sky!"
he was so surprised at my reaction he didn't even think to cry! I glanced at his mom & mouthed that he was ok. then I smiled at him again and asked of I should help him up or of he wanted to stay. he chose to stay!🤣

oh ffs. Typos again!!!

@BunnyRuddington

We try to encourage him to approach other children and even just wave at them but he has no interest

I'm sorry, I think that you have way to high expectations. No 14 month old is going to wave at or approach other children to in a friendly manner, that sort of social interaction won't come for a couple of years.

If he's scared if other children, I'd just offer some gentle reassurance.

I don't think we have too high expectations we just felt, as new parents in lockdown we were maybe doing something wrong as our friends children of they same age don't react like him

I don't think we have too high expectations we just felt, as new parents in lockdown we were maybe doing something wrong as our friends children of they same age don't react like him.

I think there are 2 issues going on. How she is reacting to other children and the encouragement you are giving her to wave and approach other children.

Your DF's DC probably aren't scared of other children. It's fairly uncommon but as PPs have said, it does happen and with some gentle reassurance she should get over it.

My comments about your expectations related solely to you encouraging her to interact on a level which is beyond her capabilities.

Sorry for any confusion.