Has anyone had a 2nd child in a less than perfect relationship? Do you regret/not regret it?

[again2020]

Hi all,

Wasn't sure whether to post in relationships or here. I'm in a 9 year relationship, one D.D who is 3.5.
I had terrible mental health issues after her and almost ended in a mother and baby unit. It was a very difficult time as partner was so busy at work and didn't understand mental health, my parents were no support so I got most of support from MIL but it definitely tainted our relationship.
I started to really love being a mum the last year or so, DD is fantastic and my little best friend.
Having a second child is a bone of contention in our house, to put it mildly. I don't really want another child. I love my job, my running and little bits of freedom I get now. Is this really selfish?
My partner grew up with 3 very close siblings, I am also very close to my brother. In some ways I'd like DD to have a sibling but don't want to face pregnancy and the very dark early days (That's how I found them).
My partner is also the kind of man ...well, he works hard and earns good money so thinks he is entitled to go out drinking and to the football most weekends, or concentrate on his hobbies. We also do argue a lot. I would have little support and it would be scarey for me. I do wonder if I will live to regret it if I don't have another child and whether DD will hold it against me when I'm older, like her father surely will. I'm approaching 37 so time is not on my side.
Anyone got any advice or stories?

I think you will regret it more if you do. If he didn't step up with your DD I doubt that he will when you have a small child and a baby.⁷

My advice is to not be pushed into something you don’t want. You have had a very tough time and now you are on an even keel. You don’t have to risk that to appease someone else.

I know lots of only DC (now you don’t adults) who are happy and rounded individuals and there’s plenty of pros to having or being an only.

*young adults -not whatever my phone wrote

Good god do not have another child unless you are sure it’s what you want, especially with the awful time you had the first time round with your DD. It’s patriarchal bullsh*t that your DH is allowed to do whatever the hell he wants because he ‘works hard’, yet wants you to bear the brunt of pregnancy and another baby. It’s not selfish at all to say ‘one is enough, time to find some balance in my life’. Your DD will be fine without a sibling. I get on with my brother but, at 5 years older than him, we were not remotely close growing up. It doesn’t guarantee her a playmate.

There is a sub section about one child families. Have a look at the boards there.