Blended family

[MrsN85]

Positive blended family stories please....?

Following with interest. Are you part of a blended family @MrsN85? x

I have a DD from previous relationship, DH and DD used to get on really well but since lockdown started the relationship has become strained and her behaviour has deteriorated. DH remains kind to her and continues to do Dad type roles (school runs, playing games etc) but he has admitted to me that he is struggling with the change in her. Just need some reassurance that this can happen, it can be just a phase and we’ll hopefully get back to how we were.

Is it just her behaviour with DH? Is it just teenage behaviour coming through and your DH isn’t very good with dealing with it (as many non step parents do too)

How old is she, is she heading towards the teen phase ?
Does she see her dad and his family ?

She's 9, she's been relentlessly cheeky, negative and ungrateful lately. Normal kid stuff, but think cause he's always so lovely to her it really hurts him when it's directed at him.

She sees her dad and his family every week so no issues there.

Ah sympathy. My pre-teen has been a rotbags to DP! At 11 she seems to be coming out of it now but copped a lot of flak. (Widowed so dad not present at all). Your DH sadly needs to suck it up and wait for it to pass, it will!

@WaterBottle123

Ah sympathy. My pre-teen has been a rotbags to DP! At 11 she seems to be coming out of it now but copped a lot of flak. (Widowed so dad not present at all). Your DH sadly needs to suck it up and wait for it to pass, it will!

I hope it does, I've had some chats with her about her behaviour and how it can make people feel, she's says she's sorry and understands but I'm yet to see a change. Just feeling so very much stuck in the middle ☹️

Are there consequences for her behaviour?

@ineedaholidaynow

Are there consequences for her behaviour?

Yes, started with an electronics ban for one day, then one week and then this was followed by cancelled sleep over at grandmas because her behaviour still didn't improve.

Be careful not to let ‘normal kid stuff’ cloud your judgement in thinking it’s not that bad. I have to stop doing this as well as yes it’s normal but it’s got to be stopped

It sounds like maybe she has some kind of underlying resentment towards him, which is quite normal in children with separated parents.

It might be worth trying to dig a little deeper in your chats with her and find out how she really feels about him and if there are any issues you can resolve (eg. He's started doing something her dad normally does for her and she feels like he's replacing her dad in a way). I'm sure it's a phase and something she's struggling to articulate, hope it gets better for you as it does sound tough to deal with.

@lucymagoo

It sounds like maybe she has some kind of underlying resentment towards him, which is quite normal in children with separated parents.

It might be worth trying to dig a little deeper in your chats with her and find out how she really feels about him and if there are any issues you can resolve (eg. He's started doing something her dad normally does for her and she feels like he's replacing her dad in a way). I'm sure it's a phase and something she's struggling to articulate, hope it gets better for you as it does sound tough to deal with.

Thank you x

@1AngelicFruitCake

Be careful not to let ‘normal kid stuff’ cloud your judgement in thinking it’s not that bad. I have to stop doing this as well as yes it’s normal but it’s got to be stopped

100% agree, I just mean her behaviour is no different to other kids but still not acceptable.

What sort of things is she saying/doing to be cheeky and ungrateful x

@Parentingdilemmas

What sort of things is she saying/doing to be cheeky and ungrateful x

She has something negative to say about everything and complaining a lot. She is also cruelly pointing out everyone's flaws. Pretty much the kind and positive little girl I had who was funny, and had a great relationship with her Step dad has now become quite negative and sarcastic and unkind. Like I said things a lot of kids can be like this, but it's not acceptable and needs managed. I don't really want to go over my situation or be given any advice.... I just want to hear some positive blended family stories and maybe some hope that it is just a phase.

All family units are different so it’s unclear why hearing about what other people experienced is more useful to you than advice on your own situation.

I’m a step mum, been around years and they’re now preteens. Neither DH nor I would tolerate them being repeatedly negative, sarcastic or unkind. Adults have feelings too and I don’t put myself out to make their lives nicer to be treated badly. I don’t do that for anyone.

He absolutely doesn’t have to suck it up. If you wouldn’t let her treat a grandparent that way you can’t let her treat her step dad like that.

@AnneLovesGilbert

All family units are different so it’s unclear why hearing about what other people experienced is more useful to you than advice on your own situation.

I’m a step mum, been around years and they’re now preteens. Neither DH nor I would tolerate them being repeatedly negative, sarcastic or unkind. Adults have feelings too and I don’t put myself out to make their lives nicer to be treated badly. I don’t do that for anyone.

He absolutely doesn’t have to suck it up. If you wouldn’t let her treat a grandparent that way you can’t let her treat her step dad like that.

And I don't let her treat him that way, as I said earlier there are consequences when we see behaviour.