Baby cries when others hold her

[Capuchini]

Just looking for advice/ reassurance! From about 4 months my baby cries when anybody else apart from me or my husbands holds her! She has got slightly better with my mum holding her but will still sometimes cry. It's awful as my friends want to hold her and I do try and she just breaks down in tears and takes about 10 minutes to consol her! She is 6 months now, will she just get over it one day or does anyone have any tips or advice?x

@Capuchini omg think we have the same child. Mine is 4 months.. he started this.. but starting to learn it's ok. I stand with them while they're holding my son. Abs I gradually step away at a time. It also help if you regularly see those people. Also my little is is a clingy baby.

Mine used to be like that, she would lose it immediately if I handed her over. She’s 13 months now and much better, happily goes to nursery and grandparents.

@steakchips, well I kind of stand there and watch and she looks at me like I have abandoned her. Yes I see my mum regularly as I can and it does get better ( after 2 months!!) she does lovely smiles at people ( can be completely random people) but as soon as they want to hold her, she cries awfully!! Xx

@samanthaVimes good to hear! Do you remember when it got better? She will be going to nursery one day a week at 11 months old and with my mum the other day. Eek!

Mine is 8 months and similar. If the person holding her tries to dust race her she’s sometimes okay for a minute or two. Just so you know it’s mud just you!

Not

It got better after she started nursery around 10 months. The first 3 or 4 times she went were pretty rough but once she realised she was ok there she got better really quickly. She comes out smiling now which I never would have believed after the first “settle” session where she just screamed at them for the full hour!

Nursery has made her better with others too. She used to freak out at my parents (who we don’t see as often as my PILs) but we saw them last weekend and she let my dad hold her a few times and played with him which was lovely.

When you greet your mum keep holding your baby but give your mum a kiss. Like a public display right in front of your baby. I think it helps for later in the visit when your mum wants a cuddle.

Why should she want to be held by people who are strangers to her? Do you want to be cuddled by strangers? Why do we assume that it’s ok to pass babies round a group like a parcel or a teddy bear? Come to think of it, i don’t like people handling my teddy bear either.

I'm sure she'll grow out of it. I had a friend whose baby cried whenever anybody came into the house. At Secondary school she was a star of the drama group and went on to University. Let her develop at her own rate.

If it's any consolation my DD1 wouldn't really tolerate being held by anyone but me. It was hard. There was no magic trick but to let her grow. She's 5 now - and enormous so no one tries to hold her - she's very friendly and happy...but still loves mummy.

Well we’re waiting for our DGD to grow out of this … bless her she’s 1 next week , but still gives everyone the dead eye 🤣 only DM DD and nursery key worker allowed! Her DB is a bundle of cuddly love 💕 give her time x

Hi!
My daughter is 10 months and has been like this since about 6 months. I dread the words, “are you coming?” And them taking her as she just cries! She hates being held, she doesn’t even particularly like to be held by us, she just wants to be doing, crawling, cruising etc. She’s happy to play with anybody and smiles at everybody but like you say, as soon as they want to hold her she melts down. As much as it bothers me, I also think come on why would she want to just be sat and held? She’s new to the world and wants to explore. I can’t wait till she’s walking and people don’t want to hold her as much. It gives me anxiety meeting up with people sometimes as I just know they’ll want to hold her. She’s not a sleepy newborn anymore who wants to be cradled.

@Leadust92 I know what you mean. I don't particularly want her passed around too much but it's difficult when people ask. Most of my friends know now that she doesn't want to be held! My friends boy doesn't mind me picking him up. It can also be a difficult if you are out and need someone to help you with them for a second isn't it? Yep she is exactly the same happy to be playing and smiling and laughing. Yeah I thinking once she's walking we won't have the problem.
@samanthaVimes yes my daughter will be going to nursery at 10/11 months and I know it's going to be bad! But it will get her used to being with others a bit more, I have noticed she enjoys playing with other children actually, my friend has a two year old and she loves her!! Good to know it did improve xx

I am a nursery practitioner and it’s normal with Lockdown babies. We have some 3-6 monbabies we have to send home early almost everyday because they refuse to be comforted by anyone other than parents.

It should get easier after weaning - they learn how to sit up and take interest in other things because of weaning and so might be able to be distracted by something shiny or noisy so others can hold them. As your DS is 6 mo I’d also recommend getting him used to meeting other people and kids regularly - softplays / stay and plays etc are excellent for this.

@ozanj
Thank you for your advice. I've been making an effort for her to socialised before going to nursery! I have noticed she actually really enjoys playing with other children so I am hoping that will be a distraction for her. I don't think my work would be very happy if I had to go home early with her so definitely will book plenty of stay and play days, good idea. Xx

I am a baby massage tutor and yes there are times when my parents need an extra pair of hands. I tend to hold the babies so that they face away from me and it usually does the trick for that little amount of time.

Please don't feel guilty if you baby starts to cry when held by other people. It is what it is!!!

My DD was like this. I looked so precious saying no when people asked to hold her but if it wasn’t me or DP all hell broke loose. We did loads of baby classes and play dates, made no difference.

She started nursery at nine months and predictably took ages to bond with her key worker but never looked back once she did.

On her first birthday we had a big party at home and to my astonishment everyone was able to have a hold - I kept seeing various people cuddling from afar and thinking gosh I’ve rarely seen her from this angle.

She’s now two and she is very sociable. I think you just have to give it time.