Stepdad makes me uncomfortable

[creaturcomforts]

Yes this is weird, I fully apologise for this. I'm a single mum to a 14 yr old, mid 40s, dad has passed away and only my mum is left. She is remarried and they had moved a long way away, was never that close to mum, however now mum is in her 60s she had started to show interest in me and dd now 14.

She has arranged for me to spend a week with them on my holiday from work as she says I need a rest and to be pampered.

Thing is that stepdad makes me uncomfortable and I'm really not happy staying there, it's the slightly uncomfortable comments and him always focusing on and trying to be near me.

I have enough to worry about without all this but my mum does not get it and will be really upset as she does not see us much I'm not sure what to do?

I'm happy to spend time with mum but this can't really happen without stepdad and he made me really uncomfortable last time we met up, how would I approach this with my mum?

I'd be even more concerned about him if he started showing an interest in your dd...

I would avoid going there tbh.
Invite your mum for a 'girly' weekend at yours/away.

Don't go. Like others have said, you can always invite your DM fir a girly weekend but if he makes you feel uncomfortable, I can see no reason why it would be a good idea to take a 14 yo girl to go and stay with him.

Your 14 year old DD is desperate to spend your annual leave at a girly spa thing isn't she? And she's had a rotten year with covid and you really want do something special for her.
Of course her grandma can come if she wants to, it would be lovely, to see if she want to join. Such a shame her DP won't enjoy it and can't come.

Trust your instincts here. Your gut is telling you something. I had the same feeling about my stepdad. It niggled at me for 15 years and I thought I was just paranoid. Finally after a visit to see them, his behaviour just really made the alarms go off in my head again (just the cruel manipulative way he spoke both to my mum and dd). I did some digging and found out he’d been convicted of sexually abusing his own dd’s. I’d been told something completely made up about why they are NC with him as adults. Sadly, I no longer have a relationship with my dm as she chose him over us, but I’m very grateful I listened to my gut and kept my dc safe.

Please don’t go! This sounds like a terrible idea with a 14yo DD. I believe most sexual abuse happens from people known to the victim. If you’re creeped out, deep down you know he’s creepy. You need to protect your DD. Day visits with your mum, fine. Avoid him like the plague.