Dealing with the behaviour of friend's DC

[babyguffingtonstrikesagain]

Hi there,

Does anyone have any advice how to maintain a friendship with someone whose DC are so terribly behaved that it's becoming difficult to have them in our house and embarrassing to be seen in public with them?

I don't mean to sound very callous and judgemental, so I'm sorry if it comes across that way. It's just that the behaviour has an impact on our own DC and spoils everything that we do with them. I'm sick of my children having their toys broken and every social event ruined by tantrums, shouting and hurt feelings.

We thought that their behaviour might calm down as they got older but if anything it's getting worse (the oldest is nearly 8).

Has anyone else experienced this and come out the other side with their friendship intact?

I have a friend like this, I just don't have them round. We more chat on the phone or message. I don't think it will change till the kids are grown up. She doesn't see them as a problem.

We're definitely moving towards seeing them less frequently. It's a bit awkward though as we used to have them round every week and I feel like it's really obvious that the invitations have become much fewer and it feels like we have to make excuses.

I thought the answer might be to meet them elsewhere but today's experience out-and-about was not a good one.

Adults only meet ups. Life’s to short for other peoples hideous kids. An old work friend visited with her atrociously behaved sons as they drove away dd2 said the immortal line “let’s hope we never have to see them again”. Their eldest pissed on our trampoline.

I have a friend who's DD is hugely spoilt and unpleasant to be around. She's not really destructive, she's just domineering and literally always wants to be the centre of attention. It sounds like minor stuff but when she's around with my friend, I can't talk to my friend as my friend will always, instead, talk with her DD whenever she wants (interrupting conversations), supply sugary foods (one after the other as her daughter takes one bite then wants something else), watch her dance etc. If her DD does ever manage to leave the room to demand such attention from the other children, we are interrupted frequently with complaints that the others are 'being mean' - which invariably actually means 'not doing exactly what I want'. I found it so aversive to be around her, I just opted out for a couple of years and only met my friend in the evening without kids. Her DD was aged about 7-9 when this was all going on, so quite old enough not to act like an 18-month old. She has no special needs btw. I think when it gets to be actually unpleasant for you or your kids, it is best to just step back. I did it subtly with my friend so I don't think she knew. Our friendship is fine now and her DD is starting to grow up a little which helps as I can now bear to be around her for short periods of time.

I know that my friend would be devastated if she knew how I feel. Her DC adore mine (the feeling is not reciprocated) and they love coming to our house. She also has a DH who struggles a lot with social anxiety and cannot manage both DC by himself. She likes spending time with us and the kids as it feels like a bit of a break for her.

No, adults only at night meetings from here on ins

It’s not worth damaging the friendship over.

You aren’t a therapist or a solution for her dh who can’t deal with his own children by himself.

Meet her on an evening in the pub

In my case the relationship survived that kids stage because I was determined to support her and believe her kids would grow out of it.

Of course I was blind and in denial as they just got bigger, more mouthy and if possible more spoiled.

Our friendship didn't survive beyond that because it was always about her needing me and I realised when I needed her it was reciprocated.

She text me 2 weeks ago after not making match contact over the years (compacted but it was always her terms and timing or would ask how I was by text when she basically had news to tell me)

Rightly or wrongly I just ignored it. I almost had a breakdown last month and I've realised the MN phrase about only having people in your lives who being something to it made perfect sense suddenly.

I think adult only from now would be your best chance of salvaging this if you are good friends beyond the children