Doesn't seem to be getting easier.

[SteakChips]

I'm a first time mum and my DS is 4 months. My pregnancy and birth was plan sailing. However since birth he has been the most hardest baby I've known. Not only does he fight his sleep he just wants to be held all the time. I've gone through three different bouncer and swing to help him fall asleep or just play so I can get on with life admin around the house. I've tried using a sling he moans being in that. He micro naps for 20min during the day. I'm up at 3am doing the night feed then showering to start my day. I've tried so hard self soothing to the point he so stressed out he gone red in the face. I was told he will grow out of it but just seem to be getting worse. My husband and I are physically and mentally drained. I'm due to go back to work full time in 2 months and I'm worried his nanny will find him stressful. Also he liked to be rocked standing up, he know when I'm sitting and has full melt down. Has anyone done through this? How long did it last!

First of all, you say this is your first baby but he is the hardest baby you have known. Are you judging him against babies who have been seemingly beautifully behaved when you visited for an hour or two? My daughter spent most of the first few months of her life sitting in a bouncer chair and following me round the house. Sleeping when she wanted to. It was the only way to keep her happy. I think your baby will settle down with the nanny - she will probably be firmer than you can be, also he will be older. If you look at old parenting advice eg Dr Spock, you will see that the advice was that if you know they are not hungry or need a nappy change, you should leave the baby to cry itself to sleep. It will soon learn to settle. Just saying.

There's a reason why there's been alot of research done on how 'cry it out' isn't the best method.
Don't worry about how he will settle for the nanny. She will be trained and know what she's doing.
Don't judge yourself, if you can't get the life admin done during the day don't be hard on yourself. I think the first 6 to 12 months are the hardest as they are so dependant on you. Be kind to yourself. Small wins.

@mdh2020 no I'm not talking about seeing other children for an hour handing them back. I've had them staying with me or I've looked after them for weeks on end. That the thing your daughter is happy to sit in a bouncer - I don't have that he cry with in 5min of being in it. He doesn't sleep when he wants to as he fights it to the point he will be sick and gets into an awful state - just saying.

@Theneverendingcleaningcycle I personally don't like it myself the crying it out. Sorry Nanny I meant his grandparent. Can't a afford a nanny nanny lol. Just finding it so hard. I barely eat when I do he wakes - like he knows food is about lol.

All babies are different and yours sounds like on the challenging side. Best thing is the accept it and stop fighting it imo. Life admin will have to wait a while. Do only the urgent things.

He probably will settle better for his nanny. Mine always did and she sounds like she was alot like yours. Couldn't put her down. Had to be constant movement.
My advice is ask your partner to make easy stackable food to eat throughout the day. Somthing you can grab and eat quickly. You need to eat.
Get out. Put baby in pram/car. And go somewhere even if its just for a walk. My moto 7 years on is still its easier to parent when you're out and doing somthing.
Also give baby to your partner when he's home from work and take an hour for you. Also make sure you get some me time on the weekends. It's not being selfish it's about survival. Do you have many friends around you?

That sounds really tough, OP. DS was a bad sleeper too. He wanted to be held constantly. He hated his bouncy chair, wasn't keen on any of the slings we tried. He did sleep in the pram though and that pretty much saved my sanity. How is yours in the pram?

In the kindest way, they're 4 months.

They won't self settle.
They do want to be held all the time.
They only want to sleep on you.
You can't really just put them in a swing whilst you do jobs around them.

Adjust your expectations

Mine was the same, just wanted to be rocked and bounced in my arms for the first few months. I remember the not being able to sit down well- how do they know?!?! Sleeps were short and mainly on me. Was really clingy and mainly only wanted me. It was hard work but I just accepted that most life admin wouldn’t get done. It’s hard work I know but it’s normal and it will get easier. Hi oh will look back in time and it will seem a distant memory.

I know it's really hard but what you are describing isn't that unusual. Unfortunately I don't think there is any magic piece of advice that will make it easy but agree with other suggestions here. Biggest thing is to adjust your expectations - just accept that life admin will have to wait and try and get others to help with that. Try and relax into it and enjoy the cuddles. I really miss them now.
Also agree that getting out of the house is always a good idea. I always found it a huge struggle to get out, but easier once we were out.
Also might be worth seeing if you have a sling library near you? My little one hated the sling but they showed me how to make some adjustments and he loved it. Was great for getting him to sleep, and being able to at least make a cuppa/go to the toilet!

Why are you up at 3am every day showering? If baby wakes then, then feed baby, and then you and dh take turns settling baby back to sleep so you both get a few hours rest. If baby goes back to sleep then whoever was settling baby also goes back to sleep.
Don’t get up for the day until at least 7am.

My baby was that age last year, and really really awful sleep ie he woke every hour, all night until he was 10/11 months. And didn’t nap. But def wouldn’t start my day at 3am even if it meant rocking baby/ feeding him/ co sleeping from 3am

Also if your breastfeeding so only you can feed baby overnight, get your dh to help by taking baby downstairs from 6am onwards

My baby was similar - wouldn’t be put down anywhere, wouldn’t sit with me and needed me to stand and rock her or walk around. Naps were in pram or contact naps only. I was on the go 12 hours solid a day and it was a killer. I am pleased to say that at 5.5 months ish she turned a corner and now at 7 months is a really chilled baby who likes riding in the pram awake and looking at everything (previously screamed to be held if awake in pram) and will play on her mat or sit in a bouncer. She also loves sitting in her high chair for food. She also now does two long naps in her cot which I think is just a developmental thing - suddenly she would go down (we did sleep train at night at 6 months using Ferber but I think she was developmentally ready as she cried for only a few mins the first night and barely at all after that). Your baby may not be the same but I thought this may give you some hope. I found 0-3 months easy but hated months 4-5 as the clinginess really peaked. Sending you a hug

Yep. This was my daughter. Couldn't understand how other babies were napping for hours at a time when my daughter woke after 30 mins. Think she was having around 5-7 half hour naps at 4 months! Things improved over night by around 6 months and the daytime improved as her wake time increased and she could move more.
Just hang in there. It does get better but takes a little longer.

@LincolnshireLassInLondon he hates that too.. sadly I'm in a small flat and can't keep pram out. Even when I go for a walk with in 10min crying, I end up carrying or sitting on a wall rocking him to calm him down.

My husband helps out a lot and we share looking after our son as well as feeding. I get out the house as much as I can even if it's just around the block. I don't have many friends or live close to me. I'm showering at 3am cos I've put baby down for his night feed and while he is down I can shower and pot about like tidying house as we are trying to move as well.

As a practical tip - try bouncing up and down on a yoga/exercise ball. It mimics the movement of walking and allows you to sit. I spent a lot of time in the early months bouncing up and down in front of the TV.

My baby was exactly the same - we held her or carried her in a sling for the first 4 months of her life and then she did improve. She had reflux though and was medicated at 12 weeks which helped enormously. By the time she was sitting up unaided at 6 months she was a different baby altogether. She went to nursery from 6 months without any issues.

Two months is a ling time in a baby's life and an awful lot can happen. I would advise just going with whatever works for now (holding, bouncing etc.) knowing that in 2 months things will have changed a lot.

He sounds a lot like my DS, it will get easier, but you need to prioritise your rest, if baby is asleep after his 3am feed then you need to sleep, or you will break! Showering, I found my DS was least grumpy in the morning and would tolerate being in the bouncer on the bathroom floor while I had a quick shower if i sang to him, if it was a particularly fussy day I would shower when my OH got home. I would keep trying with the sling, and at about 5 months he started tolerating the bouncer for longer periods (like ten minutes) so I could tidy up, especially if he had a toy to play with (he loved the Lamaze ones) or I would play peekaboo by throwing a Muslin over him while folding washing! It is really hard but I promise it will get easier, in a few months he will be able to sit up and will probably be happy sitting with some toys scattered round him for short periods! Have you tried one of the door bouncers that they stand in? My DS loved that at about 4 months actually and would stay in there a bit longer than his sitting bouncer. He’s 11 months now, naps for 3 hours a day in his cot usually so you will get your hands back! 4 to 5 months is one of the hardest periods because they start to be more aware but really frustrated they can’t move so are generally quite grumpy!

Have you tried a jumperoo? Mine loved that.

Ruled out any reasons for discomfort?

If so then agree with all the others. Unfortunately they can just be like that when so little. Lower your expectations. So only urgent jobs around the house. Make life easy as possible. Get out and socialise/ go for walks. I remember it feeling very intense in the first year but it didn't last long and I wish I relaxed a bit n

I really would ditch the 3am showering and sleep if baby is.
You need to find a time when both of you are around instead. If your dh is working, what time does he leave? If 8am then 7-8am I would say both of you get 30 allocated slot to get yourself ready baby free.

The moving thing is tricky. We had building work start when Ds was 4 months and the constant moving and tidying stuff drove me mad. But I started only giving myself fixed times. Ie dh was home at 6pm. 6-7 we would eat and then one of us spent just 30 mins sorting stuff. Daytime if he naps, you know it’s 30 mins max, so set timer and only allow yourself 10 mins tidying, then the rest try and rest/ make a tea/ sit down 10 mins

To answer your title -that it doesn't seem to be getting easier, honestly, that's because for a lot of babies it doesn't, or at least it takes longer than you'd expect.

Every baby is different right?

There will be babies that do get easier, and their parents will often tell you about this because it's reassuring, especially for mums that are finding it hard initially.

Then there will be those that try to be nice by saying it gets easier, because it feels like the right thing to say to a tired possibly struggling new mum.

Then there'll be people that just stay out of the conversation - you can bet a lot of those didn't find it easier, but it feel a bit mean to say so.

And you'll get the occasional one that'll poke their head up and say it didn't get easier, or that it took years to get easier, it that it stayed as hard but different, and they look like either the exception or mean people.

So honestly, some people will have been reassuring because it felt like the kindest thing to do.

Personally, the constant wanting to be held did ease off around your babies age. That was replaced with new challenges, which resolved and then new ones etc, and I think that's parenting basically. Some people find babies easy and toddlers difficult some people find babies hard and toddlers easy. Some love school age kids. There's easy and hard things about every age.

One day, these issues will be a thing of the past, and it won't be easy, but it'll be different. Your stress then might be them waking more at night, or becoming a biter, nightmares, toilet training etc. But for a short while, at some point soon, your baby will likely allow you to put them down for a while. Then they get mobile and follow you everywhere, and it's a different kind of no peace.

Investigate CMPA and see if the symptoms fit your LO. Seek help from GP if so. My eldest was like this. Everyone said newborns were hard, but 20 min bit of sleep here and there interspersed with crying is not typical. Good luck. It does get better. Seek help.

My first daughter was like that. I hardly got any sleep and had to sooth an angry baby through the day too. Luckily my second (6 years later as I was scared to have another baby!) is much much easier! With my older daughter it hadn't got easier at 4 months, in fact she got fussier temporarily. It did get gradually easier from 6 months. I went back to work full-time at 7 months. We used a childminder and she found her harder work than other babies but she soon improved. Childminders and nannies are professionals so they know what to do with difficult kids. My older daughter is still a bit highly strung at 6 years old but was a fairly easy toddler and except for her epic meltdowns over minor mishaps is generally well behaved especially at school.