Wife insults me in front of children

[Alovingparent]

Good afternoon,

My wife and I have two children ages 2 and 5. My wife will try to trigger me by insulting me, calling me names such as: abnormal, stupid, etc in front of our kids.

I know it is important to not fight in front of my kids, so what can I do when I am. with my kids and my wife insults me, and I keep quiet for the sake of not fighting in front of the kids. I find myself in a dilemma, because I am afraid i am teaching my children it is ok for them to keep quiet when a person insults them, when my wife insults me in front of my children; at the same time if I respond to my wifes insults in front of the children, i would be fighting with my wife in front of my children, which is hurtful to them, which I wouldnt like also.

What could I do in this situation?

Thanks

Jorge

Get therapy or get out of the marriage. More likely get out. Sorry Jorge but your wife is abusive

You don't have to fight. But you can gently remind both your wife and your children that it's not acceptable to insult people and that there are better ways of handling whatever is bothering her. If your wife refuses to accept that she has a problem then you should rethink your relationship as you are right, it's a really bad example to be setting to your children.

I agree with previous advice. Something like “it’s not acceptable insult me, so I’m not going to respond until you are prepared to be more polite” and then walk away, if possible.

If you think even a response like that is likely to cause your wife to fly off the handle, you do need to consider the future of your relationship because it’s abusive, and that’s certainly not good for you or your children.

You could attempt to raise your concerns at a time when she’s calm and the children are asleep. Not necessarily in an accusatory way. Acknowledge that she’s clearly feeling frustrated and unhappy a lot of the time, and tell her you’re worried it’s unhealthy for the children to see you argue or treat each other badly.

My dad did actually recently confronted my mum with a list of every insult she’d called him that day, and it’s made her stop calling him names though they’re still having issues.

Your wife either agrees to get therapy and stop her abusive behaviour immediately or you divorce. This kind of treatment can't be tolerated.

perhaps read up on abusive relationships and see if any of it sounds familiar.

Google Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft (it applies to abusive women too).

Once you know the patterns of behaviour you can take steps accordingly.