Baby is relatively ‘normal’ but turns into a possessed demon at bedtime

[Roundandround34]

Posting in sheer desperation. Please please if anyone has had a baby like this or has any suggestions - help me

Now 8mo baby boy but he’s been like this since about 2mo. He currently has a 40 min morning nap and 2 hour afternoon nap. He settles for naps with little problem. Once he’s asleep at night he tends to wake just once or twice - great. He’s happy during the time he’s awake, eats well etc etc.

BUT when it comes to bedtime he goes berserk. He can sometimes be fed to sleep, but wakes as soon as you lie him down. So I have to repeat this process up to 6 times before having success and with lots of tears and distress in between. He can sometimes be patted to sleep after about 40 minutes of thrashing and screaming murder. He can’t be rocked to sleep. I find myself losing my patience and I’ve had to leave the room sometimes. I’ve left him to cry for up to half an hour before - he’s never settled to sleep in this time and if I try going in and then leaving again (like with CC) he goes berserk.

Most evenings bedtime takes 1.5 hours, sometimes 2 hours. Its really getting me down and limiting any plans I can make in the evening. My husband can’t settle him at all because he becomes absolutely hysterical. I’ve tried every awake window going. I’ve been to the GP on three occasions with this problem and they never find anything wrong. I have another child who was a poor sleeper but not in this way.

Does anyone know what I’m doing wrong or have any experience with a baby like this?

This sounds really stressful for you, poor you. What time does he wake from his afternoon nap?

At 8 months personally I was feeding to sleep then transferring to cot but I know everyone does it differently.

Are you giving him his milk and then taking him to his room? Does he have a dummy? Will he fall asleep whilst being cuddled? Is it the transferring to a cold cot sheet that is waking him? You could warm the sheet with a hot water bottle and remove it before placing him in. Is your aim for him to be falling asleep in his cot after putting him in it drowsy? Sleep and settling is so stressful at times especially when they are not settling so sending you some support. Someone here will be able to help with more ideas I'm sure.

I hear you OP - my baby goes through phases of this. He was like yours from 5 - 6.5 months. An hour of crying every time he knew it was bedtime, even with cuddles, feeding, soothing etc. He’s now 8 months and has periods every couple of weeks or so when he’s like that for a few days, but bedtimes are mostly peaceful now.

I wish I could say what fixed it for us but he think he basically just grew out of it. Hopefully your boy will be the same soon

Sounds counter-intuitive but have you tried putting him to bed earlier so he's less tired?

Put him to bed no more than 3.5 hours after he wakes from his afternoon nap. Do milk a little earlier in his routine so if he wakes from his nap at 3pm, bath him at 5.30pm, milk at 6pm and then have a wind down period in his bedroom with low lights, gentle music, give him a massage, sing a song and cuddle and then have him in bed by 6.30pm.

Would you feel prepared to do a bit of gentle sleep training?

Lots of different methods to research to see what you're happy with. The key to success is consistency and you and your partner both being committed to it, so that one is finding it tough the other can jump in.

With our 7mo DC we used a method of bath, feed, book and place in cot. We would use a timer and leave crying for a maximum of 10 mins then go in, pick up and cuddle and place back in cot and repeat until fast asleep. The first night was tough, 40 mins crying in total, then 20 mins the next night, then no crying and I have had a fab sleeper ever since. I'd still go in for a feed in the night but would use the same process once finished and put back down.

You deserve your evenings back and your little one needs a nice long sleep. The only other thing I might do differently is cut his afternoon nap to 1hr or 1hr30.

Good luck

Could the afternoon nap be too long?? Clutching at straws! I had the same with my DS1 so totally empathise...my DH and I shared the evening shift of being with DS while he screamed himself to sleep, we used to do an hour each. It was hard!! But it passed in time x

He was a very colicy newborn so I do wonder whether it’s just some residual colic type behaviour. The fact a few of you say your babies just grew out of it kind of supports that? Feels so much better just to hear that other people have experienced this.

I really can’t stress enough how much I’ve tried different awake times and it seems to make no difference. He only gets 8.5-10.5 hours sleep at night because I think he’s so overtired when he falls asleep that he wakes stupidly early, so I’m reluctant to reduce daytime sleep.

I don’t know where I’d start with sleep training because everything just makes him wild. He mainly does fall asleep with me patting him in the cot, but that’s after an hour of me patting/leaving the room to have a breather/patting etc etc. Feeding to sleep only sometimes works and requires a lot of repetition before he finally settles