How to co-parent with a newborn?

[Drippymoon]

I’m pregnant, I’ve decided to go ahead with the pregnancy despite my partner not wanting to go ahead. It’s quite a new relationship and he is adamant he’s not ready to be a father. That’s fair. We’re still together now but I’m pretty sure we won’t be when I confirm that I’m continuing with the pregnancy.
He still lives at home(I don’t) he smokes weed(fine, doesn’t really bother me all that much), has a good job and supportive family.
I’m worrying about him having the baby away from me and ultimately having overnight stays with him as I simply don’t think he is equipped for this mentally or otherwise. But I know he will want to be involved.
How do I get around this? I will be BF so that’s a tricky one too

Bump(pun intended)

Well he won't be expected to have overnight access until the baby is at least one if not more like 18 months old. When the baby is first born it will be expected that he visits you and spends time with you both - there won't be an expectation of solo visits at this point.

I'm not sure when he can expect solo visits, but I'd say he could probably have a morning/afternoon from about 6 months old depending on how involved he is and how well he knows the baby.

That makes sense. I feel a bit better reading that. I thought I was being unreasonable not wanting baby to go on their own to him. It’s all such a mess

Are you sure he would want any access at all, since you said he's adamant he doesn't want to be a father? If the only reason you are splitting is because he doesn't want to be a father, I don't understand why he'd be wanting to be in their life or have overnight visits. There's no point splitting up if that's the case? Unless there are other reasons of course

Raise your bar op.
Your dc doesn't need to spend time with a druggie...

@SpacePug questions I’ve asked myself several times. Think there will be a lot of resentment on his side because I kept the baby. He will definitely want to be involved though. I know that for sure.
@30degreesandmeltinghere I know what you mean. I can’t stop him seeing his child though

Let him convince a judge he is suitable... If you had a sports car and he wanted to borrow it and was a drug user would you hand the keys over? Why would you even contemplate handing a baby over?

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Agree with previous posters, this is all about what is best for your child. A relationship with daddy is a good thing overall, but it has to be safe, and you need to be certain he hasn’t been smoking when he sees the baby - hopefully he will earn your trust there quite quickly. I would simply state that all visits will be at your home for the first year, including if his parents or his other relatives wish to meet the baby. Then review the situation after a year and see how things are going.

Good luck x

I know you haven’t asked/ mentioned….but please for the love of all the deities out there please give baby your Surname!

@FelicityPike oh I have no problem doing that whatsoever!

Thanks for the great advice. I’m slowly getting excited about this now. I already have DC-he doesn’t. He’s assuming the world is going to end if he’s a father. It’s all become a bit tiring now