Out of touch or is this normal?

[itscomplicatedlife]

Mum to a 2yo girl, I don't know if it's because I feel so tired due to picking up so many colds but I feel so low atm. Just finding mum life a drudge sometimes, working FT but also having hardly any family take an interest or coming round that's been a lot to get used to as I didn't expect this before I had my DD. Lost my mum also after she was born which changed things my side of the family. But my life is so busy I can't recall the last time I had enegry to even shop for some new clothes in last year with her having coughing issues looking like asthma I feel like she'll of my former self. I don't have time to go out and make any friends and just feel so bloody friendless! I have thank god one close friend who feels similar to me she isn't working so has managed to get out more and meet other mum mates and has helped me to decide to go PTime in hope this may help with this. Setup a local estate parents group, arranges picnic events to jo avail and after a long while closed it due to no one interacting it was gutting! I'm thinking I need to get ok to peanut maybe it may be my only option of meeting other parents as I feel I need more friends and support network. I feel like I'm in the minority of being one of only a few mums with next to no mates, does anyone else feel like this? Just feel so down about my appearance, coming to work feels a slog picking clothes out when I'm just shattered I cba tbh and try to WFh more which I find easier. I feel out of touch with the world like how am I going to help my daughter to know where it's all at when I haven't got a clue or is this something that just comes with time themselves as they get older. Sorry I sound pathetic just feeling so down atm and don't know if this is just normal part of mum life...

I recall my mum being a sahm, she didn't have any friends, she didn't though seem to seek this out and she never worked, when I think back we sort of just as kids worked out where it was all at by ourselves but then we lived in a deprived area where kids got out a lot and socialised so much! We found our own way with little intervention from mum. But I live now in what's regarded as a better nice area with mostly both parents workings with big supportive families this may be why I struggled to make friends as they sort of don't need them! But she won't be able to play out much like we did as kids not having a sahm. I'm finding that difference also something strange to get used to. I'll be off for 2 days a wk and working mon to thu if my app is accepted but people don't seem to let their kids play out here as I rarely see any around but where we lived before as kids that was the norm.

Perhaps times have changed, I'm 36 yo so the worked is a lot differnt to how it was when I was 8+ just finding it all a lot to get my head around and feel like I'm struggling to see the positives sometimes if that makes any sense.

I work full time and didn’t make any proper Mum friends until DD1 started school. I’ve got a few really close mum friends now. I kept my pre baby friends but the dynamic changed with some of them. I don’t have any family around me apart from DH.

I found the groups etc… all so fake and everyone seemed to know each other. I gave up trying. I didn’t feel upset about it though. My life was busy with work and DD and DH. It took all my energy to muddle through life, still does now.

Have you got any hobbies outside of work and your DD? I do a sport which I find really helps my mental health and I have some fab friends from that.

Sorry I also find it incredibly hard to see people I know who don't work enjoying them lovely weather when I have to work and seeing their kids with other kids having so much fun, I feel like I've failed my daughter not having enough friends with kids for her to play with, but I know we're trying to work and do the right thing. We have a few Aqaintenxes which we see at least once a month that have a child each but it is hard seeing people who have more time off or live with there are more kids in their area for their own kids to play with. My daughter is a lovely sociable soul and she does have the interaction with kids all wk but I think I find it hard as a mum not being a part of that abs maybe just need to find a way to deal with that as being at nursery does give her that 5 days a wk (this will reduce to 4 when I take a day off work to spend more time with her as I miss her a lot also x

I find it hard seeing people at home with their kids when I’m working but honestly that’s my issue not my childrens. If they are at nursery then they are getting plenty of interaction there and I presume you do stuff at the weekend? A 2 year old is happy in your company. Even if they do spend time with other kids they playing together is minimal at that age. Another year and they’ll be starting nursery school and you end up at birthday parties every weekend.

Sorry to hear you lost your mum so recently and at an important time
You haven't failed your dd at all, you sound incredibly caring and kind and like you're trying really hard.
I didn't make any mum friends until my ds was at school, and then I made a few good ones that I still have ten years later, and lots of lovely acquaintances too.
It is doubly hard to meet new people at the moment because of the virus.
Sounds like a good idea to cut hours down a bit so you have more family time and hopefully time to yourself to do something you love? It's so hard to find time for yourself when your kids are little, but really important.

Maybe there's a bit of the social restriction of the pandemic negatively impacting you, if you are in the UK?

Your child would have been a year old during the very first lockdown. This is usually when the baby groups begin to make sense as the kids begin to take part and the mums would have had more time to bond whilst the kids played alongside each other.
This would not have happened for you.

The kids would also have started having little birthday party get togethers round about now even if the parents don't really know each other. This is most likely also stalled for you since the initial bonding at about the age of 1 didn't happen.

if the child is going into childcare you most likely don't know the other parents as people are trying not to meet at the childcare settings to avoid cross contamination.

Everything is geared up for you to not really see anyone right now even if we are no longer in lockdown.

You need to give yourself a pat on the back for making it through any kind of little child parenting through the pandemic...

I think it is normal you are feeling a bit lonely. Things are opening up but it takes time for those bonds to form. Keep up with what you are doing. I think it will bear fruit eventually. It is just taking time.

@Nurseynoodles thank you for settling my mind, you're right, she gets loads from nursery and yes in time the parties will come. We do try to do plenty over wknds I find it hardest I think not having an nieces to nephews for her or kids close by for her to play with I find that so sad for her and we have few friends and ones we have all have boys too 😳 she doesn't seem to mind and as you say they really don't seem to noctoce and she is always so happy abs beaming just stuck on this ring that we have minimal girls locally or any family with kids to visit her bless her as she would abs have loved that. Made an in road with one parent at nursery plan to see eom can't wait and hope it's start
Of a good friendship really do!!! The mum seems lovely and her daughter is besties with ours app at nursery so fingers crossed!! X x x

@ScabbyHorse thank you! I'm just ill all the time too, i feel massively run down, I am without a cold for only a week or two then I'm ill again, I don't get a break so I e decided I'd rather have less money and better health for me it is def worth it at this time anyway as I can always revert if things ever improve later down the road x x x

@TenthGrade thank you for listing that out like that it really helps me to see that a lot of it is due to this awful pandemic too! Virtual life hasn't helped either but yes it's all very correct! I'm in the UK. I e managed to bag one new potential friend I was brave and just intro myself and we've got a meet up planned! So happy even if it's just one set of parents for now it's something isn't it. Just hard atm but hopefully things will get better. You realise we abs do need human contact, we wouldn't be human otherwise! Virtual has its plus points too like I've been ill every two wks or so this last year since DD started nursery so it's been a god send to be able to work mostly from home as my office days really are hectic in comparison it's just taking the edge off it all x x x

You're welcome and I hope things get better. I remember being ill a lot too when ds was small. Be as kind to yourself as possible. It's been so so shit recently x

Falling ill often once kids start childcare settings is a thing and it happens every time they change setting or class. Early years and primary schools are just riddled with the lurgies.

You’ve massively described how I felt when I was working full time; I couldn’t catch my breath as everything was a grind. I think when you’re part time you’ll be able to take stock a little bit and I would definitely recommend peanut and mush apps which I’ve met mum friends on; people are on there wanting to make friends plus when my DD went to nursery I made friends through that and pushed myself out of my comfort zone to suggest play dates

@Wjevtvha when you can't catch your breathe it makes it so much harder to enjoy it all too I find as I'm just shattered all the time, I need to explore peanut and mush though I've got to get on and work it out and try to make some friends if I can for my LG to make friends and myself too x x x