Hit my 4 year old back 😔

[Helensmelon]

It happened nearly 2 weeks ago and I’m still feeling so so bad about it. It happened after he’d been refusing to go to bed and shouting, screaming and hitting over the course of about 2 hours. He hit me in the face and I just snapped. It wasn’t hard (it was on his arms) but enough to shock him and make him stop. I then told him to sit on the landing and wouldn’t tell him back in the living room for about 5 mins.

I feel that this has broken our bond and just can’t seem to move past it. I don’t think he trusts me anymore (I don’t blame him)! I’ve apologised and said we shouldn’t hit or shout at each other but he’s still doing it. He keeps asking for his dad (who’s is around).

The HV came out a few months back and I explained the behaviour. She said to ignore the bad and praise the good but I’m finding it hard to balance his discipline. I’ve not been feeling great for a few months and don’t know if he’s just picking up on my vibe.

I just don’t know how to fix it and for us to be happy again.

Just draw a line under it and move on. It happened. It's not ideal but it's done and you know it's not going to happen again.

You've apologised - let that be the end of it. You haven't broken the bond. He probably knows you're upset about it and is using it as a stick to beat you with!

Honestly... forget about it

I'm reading a great book called calmer happier easier boys that has good strategies for improving behavior. Nothing as instantly impactful as the naughty step type techniques, more of a slow burn but more suitable for age 4+ I think. I'm finding 4 a difficult age too but it does help to read a few parenting books and try some new techniques. I've ordered some reward charts too.

As for the hitting, 2 hours of bad behavior would push any parent to the limit and you say it wasn't hard enough to hurt so I really think you need to just draw a line under it and start looking for more positive ways to deal with the behavior. If he didn't trust you he'd be tiptoeing around you and behaving perfectly and doesn't sound like that's the case so he still feels safe acting out around you.

I would consider speaking to your GP though if you haven't been feeling great and it's impacting on your life like this

Under the circumstances you describe, I can't say I blame you. I'm not in favour of smacking children by the way, but this happened after extreme provocation. Stop beating yourself up about it and try to plan strategies that will hopefully stop this from happening again.

Hey, c'mon... It's happened, and no doubt what anyone says to you ( and no doubt there'll be sanctimonious ones ruck up to villify you)
nothing could make you feel as bad as you do right now. In life these things happen, and it wasn't intentional.

You need to stop the apologising now, you said sorry, you've explained... You now need to stop trying to compensate to your little boy. There's no debt of wrongdoing to be repaid. If you've stopped discipline to try and re-build this "bond" your son will suss this.

Boys aren't easy at times, and trust me little girls aren't easy either. I have got a larger than average number of children. It's tough sometimes.

There's been some great recommendations of books and these may offer some great tips and advice. If you've not felt for a while, would it be worth maybe trying to get to the bottom of the situation? Counselling? GP? Family support?

I hope you manage to move on from this now, and feel more comfortable. Take care x

*great