Working mum

[KCpip]

Looking for a moan more than anything else. Sometimes being a working mum is so hard. I only work part time but after a busy day at work to have to get straight into dinner time, bedtime routine and then realising we need some things from the shop. The energy required every day seems so much! Does anyone else feel like life feels like a real treadmill at times?!

It's a treadmill I've been on for 11 years now. I don't feel any less chaotic but my childless work friends think I have superhuman organisational skills!!

Yes, definitely a treadmill. I try to be strict about limiting weekend activities which is the only thing that find helps. But dd wants to do 2/3 different thing and I have terrible guilt about her not being able to do anything during the week because I work. Hoping it will get easier as the children get older and have more awake time after school

Yes... but I find days with the kids harder than work! So I've just returned to full time! I think it's a treadmill either way whether working or not.

@surreygirl1987 how are you finding it full time? Sometimes wonder if juggling part time with school pick ups etc. is more stressful and whether I should just try full time and organise more childcare

Tough, but not as tough as looking after the kids all day! Mine go to nursery 5 days a week (7:30-6) - they are 1 and 2. Financially, it is crippling of course, but it means I can have a career and that I know my children are really well looked after. And we can have fun at the weekends. Probably going to getba cleaner too. As I say, financially it's awful - I actually don't warn anything for being at work once childcare has been taken into account- but it makes the family run better and makes me and the kids happier. When they're in school there's wraparound care we will use with similar (slightly shorter) hours which will give me enough time to do dropoffs and still manage the full working day.

For some people, SAHM suits them best (hats off to them - I couldn't hack it), for others, part time, and for others like me, I guess full time work. My ideal would actually be 4 days a week but with the kids in full time childcare to give me a chance to get life admin stuff done and sort the house out, but my job wouldn't allow me part time in my position, and that would be the final financial blow!

I look forward to seeing my DC but then the time I get with them in the evenings before bed seems so chaotic and they’re tired so it’s not even the quality time I’d like it to be

Yes!!! Me too! I feel like it's a bloody drudge everyday so I'm joining in also on the moan, some days it's hard to just crack on as it is just so bloody boring and when you're tired after work pre kids it wouldn't be so bad still a drudge but with screaming and pestering every two seconds and then releasing your out of milk or wheat ever and you still haven't done upur work dinner and your hair needs washing and it all just gets too much! I totally understand, I work full time and so fed up I want to go part time as my work is so draining abs sick of being sat down all day, I want to drop 2 days fo be able fo get tea done earlier to enjoy a couple of evenings instead of it feeling like huge chore and get out for a walk with my baby that I only see 2 days a wk as she's in nursery more often than I realise I want to do, nursery staff are Ab Fab but I miss her also x x x

Do you do all of dinner, running around and bedtime?
Is dad around to do their 50%?

I have no idea if part time will even be the right balance but atm it feels like I need to go there and try it, I may revert back to full time again, nothing is rarely fully straight forward but maybe you need to change something around if possible, maybe a change in working hours maybe? Compressed hours or earlier finishes etc..

Their dad is around a lot. Think I’m just fed up because he was away for the weekend on a lad’s weekend then he’s come home and it’s his night shift week where I do all the bedtimes. He’s got some shift changes next week so I’m busy trying to move my hours next week. My job is so flexible that I’m the one that shuffles and squeezes things round to make it work and sometimes I wonder if a rigid job would actually be better so it wasn’t a case of “oh I can just finish at that time, dash to pick them up, rustle up a meal all round and fit those hours in there” Most people I know long for a more flexible job but I sometimes wonder if it makes me juggle too much and I think I struggle with a lack of a weekly routine. @itscomplicatedlife - totally with you. It sucks doesn’t it?!

@KCpip I think sometimes it just gets on top of you and I think this is just how it is sometimes and yes some days it's just shit it really is. I often if abs R constantly about my working days and there is always something that our ways something else and come to the conclusion that it's just life, like I wish sometimes my hubby would take a wknd away as we get under each others feet as it's just us but then I know I'd miss him and need him also at the same time! Sorry I can't recall how old your children are but I think it seems be a hell of a lot harder when they're under the age of 3-4 depending on their temp also! Like I was app a really
Chilled and well behaved quiet kid but my DD is a lunatic, enegry of a Duracell bunny that doesn't want to sleep, never stops talking and seeks out any form of behavoir that is remotely naughty as finds it funny and when you've been at work all days it's pretty hard to keep up. I broke out a bottle of lucozade earlier and I honestly find that really helps to get my brain back on it for that last hour or two, I prefer not to take sugary stuff but when I'm massively flagging and need jerring up it helps and keeps me a bit more sane!! X x x

Also sometimes you just need to let it all out and hear likewise comments back so you can feel the feels and then take stock that it's ok it isn't just me this is like this for a lot of people and right now I just need a bloody good vent! Me and my friend god I'm so grateful she exists! We don't live close but we have a child similar age and talk like every few days on messenger and we just talk about anything it just helps A Lot!! Do you have someone you can talk to when days get on top of you? X x

@itscomplicatedlife yeah you’re right. I’m feeling the feels 😂 I think when I’m by myself with the kids I forget to eat as well as I could. I just rush around and probably that doesn’t help my energy levels. DD2 is 3 so I can see from DD1 things will (hopefully) get better as she grows too. I do have some mum friends I moan with online and in person. Sometimes it’s quite nice to vent on here to total strangers though too!

@KCpip my DD is 2, I only have one and she literally makes my head spin!! Esp at tea time it's mental, I don't know how anyone manages 2+ but I think it'll get a tad easier once she slows some but I think that's gonna be a while a way yet but yeah you so easily forget to eat and drink! I have take a glass of water bed now as realise how dehydrated I was waking up in the nihht dying of thirst 🥵 big bottle of lucozade in the kitchen is a life saver on the days youre flagging, big swig to carry you through until it all calms down a bit but then it's water and bed for me lol! So rock n roll 😂😂😂 our nephew was mental also until he got to about 5-6 then he really calmed down so there is hope even if it's a few bloody yrs away 🙄😵‍💫 x x

It is hard - I was a SAHM for a few years and mainly I absolutely loved it (it’s not for everyone) but then there were hard bits too - being skint, not getting a break from the kids.

I work part time (26hr a week) and it’s been a tough adjustment but I’d say 6 months in we are now at the point where I’m starting to think it’s easier than being a SAHM was - at least we aren’t skint anymore! For ref, my kids are 5.5 and 2.5 and the eldest is just starting school next week (we are in Scotland).

One thing that has made a huge difference to my stress levels this time versus when I was a working mum when DS was tiny, is changing how I work my hours.

I worked 26hr a week then but did it over 3 long days so I could have two days off with him and reduce childminder fees. This time I work 26 hours over 4 short days and finish at 3pm (my son’s preschool closed at 3.30 and obviously he’s now going to school so it means I can pick him up from the school bus everyday instead of afterschool). This means I need to pay for four days at nursery for DD rather than three, but it’s been worth every penny for quality of life. Finishing at 3pm rather than 6pm every day is worth sacrificing not only the cash but the extra day off for because I get quality time with the kids each day, take them to the park, no rush to make dinner etc. And still get a Friday off with DD.

I’m not saying that would work for everyone (and obviously isn’t an option for those who are full time) and not all employees are that flexible but I thought I’d mention it because often when women go part time with a small child they default to taking 1/2 days off a week (most of my friends do this) but actually I think working 4/5 shorter days is so much less stressful and is a great option even if you don’t have a school age child - if you can afford the fact it costs more in childcare.