Friend too hard on her kid

[SmelliEllie]

I really hope someone can help me. I'm struggling with a friend.
Her husband left her with 2 kids aged 1 and 5 a couple of yrs ago. She is struggling. She is drowning really. I want to help but she pushes people away constantly. She is angry. I get it.
I worry what impact it is having on the older kid. She is continually losing her rag with him and it seems mostly for nothing. She isnt the same with the younger one although he is a more easy going toddler than eldest was I wonder if they are roles she is creating for them. I genuinely dont see the problems with his behaviour she does. I also wonder sometimes he isnt supervised as much as should be. She let's him play out in local cul de sac but isnt sure exactly where he is.
I dont want to add to my friends woes as she is emotionally very fragile but I feel he is of an age where it could be either turned around or set the path for the rest of life.
What should I bloody do?

Yeah. We do all that. She is a very hard person to help. She quite often refuses help when its offered.
And it doesn't really deal with issue of the toxic environment at home for the kid.
We took said kid out swimming other day and he was polite, well behaved but as soon as we drop him off again in house it starts because he moaned about having to go back out to his grand again. The response was so disproportionate..its really quite difficult to be in the vicinity of it and say nothing.

How close are you?
If this was one of my close friends I would go round with a bottle of wine and talk to her and perhaps be a little blunt something perhaps along the lines of.

Look I know this might be me over stepping with you but I'm worried about you and about dc. You seem to be very short with dc and I care about you and I want to help. You don't have to do this on your own. What can I do to help you and what's happening with dc.

Get her to talk, cry, scream whatever it takes and hear her out. Then talk it through. Perhaps look after the little one so she can have some quality time with the older one.

I've got together with her sister to try stage a bit of an "intervention".
I dunno if we are going to tackle the child thing. Just try to offer help with kids to take pressure off for now and see if things improve when she is less fraught.
If things dont improve then might have to be a bit more blunt.
She basically disclosed she was having suicidal thoughts. I dont want to push it and her over the edge.

Is she emotionally abusing himself?

Him

Your friend sounds depressed.
Go in with a supportive stance, but equally point out that you worry about her kids when she is struggling.
Re-enforce that she is not to blame and not being criticised, but that you want yo support her to make changes for everyone in the house xx