Feeling robbed of the chance to have another

[Whathefisgoingon]

I always knew I wanted more than one child, though after actually having my son 18 months ago I quickly realised it’s a lot harder than I’d ever imagined!

I still feel quite strongly that I’d like him to have a sibling, but I feel robbed of the chance due to covid. I’m 32 now and I am scared of getting pregnant because I know covid is dangerous to pregnancy women. I feel like it’s selfish of me to potentially risk my life and leave my current child motherless! Better to have one and be around for him and all that.

I realise this might sound OTT but I do suffer with anxiety. Initially I thought “well, eventually things will die down..” but I’m 32, by the time things are “normal” then who knows what age I’ll be and then of course other problems can arise.

My mother had me at 38 and developed high blood pressure which stuck around and ultimately contributed to her early death at 54.

Is anyone else feeling this way?

Have you been vaccinated? I know a lot of people who have had babies in the past 18 months, 3 of whom had Covid in pregnancy. All are fine. If you’re vaccinated, the chances of you being hospitalised with Covid are extremely low (well they were low anyway, they’re lower now).

@Neverrains I am vaccinated, yes. However, I have two siblings with type 2 diabetes and I had suspected gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy. If I was to get it again, that would increase my risk further.

I just don’t know what the right thing to do it.

And yeah, every other person I speak to is currently pregnant or trying for one and I just think.... wow, are you not nervous? Even unvaccinated folk.

Unfortunately I don't think Covid is ever going anywhere. It would require every country in the world to rid themselves completely of it, and since people can get it more than once they would all have to do it at the exact same time otherwise countries can just reinfect each other once crossing borders.
So you could wait 4 years or so but the only difference is we'll have even more strains, and the media will have probably stopped talking about it so much.
Were you this worried about flu in your first pregnancy before Covid came along? I seem to recal getting flu in pregnancy gave similar results to getting Covid in pregnancy.

It isn’t Covid robbing you of the chance to have another - it’s your health anxiety. The good news is that unlike Covid, your health anxiety can go away. Have you spoken to your GP? Something like CBT could really help you overcome this.

Do not let covid ruin your life plans. It’s not going anywhere. You are vaccinated & protected. You are more likely to die of complications in labour or other pregnancy related illness than covid (see blood clots in pregnancy as one example). And yet despite that risk, millions have second, third & fourth kids!

Just do it. Get on with life. Life is a constant risk. Covid is a very small one.

I do agree with the above poster, covid isn’t robbing you of anything. Your anxiety is. Get help. Have a baby.

Yes, I’ve actually had a course of CBT and whilst it helped, there is obviously still a very real risk to this specific scenario so it’s a little difficult to overcome the worry.

I wasn’t worried about the flu, no. But we are in a pandemic now and it feels like covid is everywhere! It’s not if I get it, it’s when - and obviously I’d rather not be pregnant.

As others have said, it’s anxiety that’s causing the problems here, totally understandable but you can get help with this. Flu is dangerous in pregnancy, so is slapped cheek (really common childhood virus). Don’t put off getting pregnant because of covid when you’re vaccinated. As a PP said, CBT can really help with health anxiety.

I think this your health anxiety talking. Thousands of babies have been born in the UK since this started, a very very small proportion of pregnant women have been very ill from Covid or died, it's an even smaller number of babies. There's a big push at the moment to get pregnant women vaccinated to help prevent and reduce the risk. I was pregnant from the start of lockdown 1 last year - no vaccines, barely any information or advice on what to do, you just have to be sensible and take precautions.

I was pregnant and gave birth before vaccines were rolled out. It was absolutely fine.

My friend had covid at 38 weeks pregnant, unvaccinated. Her and baby, absolutely fine. There are risks with everything. Don't let it control your life.
I know that's easier said than done, I use to have severe health anxiety, to the extent that I would make frequent trips to a&e, convinced I was dying. So I do understand where you are coming from. But if you can get over this mental block, you could be fulfilled and happy.

Thanks all. The media has a lot to answer for. I’ve seen lots of articles about children being orphaned due to covid and having lost my own mother as a young teenager it’s always been a very real fear of mine.

I suppose eventually I’ll bite the bullet. Though saying that, my partner really likes the idea of adoption!