No one is sleeping!

[sleepydad503]

Hi all,

I'm posting because Mum and Dad are exhausted and I'm hoping others have experienced similar situations and can share what worked for them.

Our son is four weeks old and just doesn't want to sleep. We put him in his crib and 20-30 minutes later he's up and crying. We've done white noise, putting him on our chests, swaddling, baths etc. and none of it consistently works and certainly not for a long period. Often he will lie in his cot squirming and making noises - never quite crying - but often getting a bit screamy before calming down again on his own. He sometimes seems like he's agitated or something is giving him discomfort, but he's otherwise well fed and clean.

The problem is that I know newborns are supposed to sleep 16 or so hours and day and not be awake for more than two hours, but yesterday he was awake almost constantly from 9am-10pm, which is clearly not normal. I don't think he's getting anything like 16 hours' sleep a day, probably a few hours at most. His room is quiet, so he's not overstimulated, and we've done everything that's suggested for overtired babies.

We've spoken to the midwives and others and they all assure us it's normal, or tell us it could be colic and to get some drops. We've tried this and it's not worked - and to be honest we're not sure it's colic as he's not crying most of the time, just unsettled.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and what worked for you?

Sleepy Dad

You say in his cot - have you tried cuddling him to sleep, putting him the pram or the sling for a walk? Motion will often help. It’s normal for newborns to need a lot of help to sleep, they’ve been snuggled up inside their mums tummy for 9 months and they don’t like being on their own!
Just to check, you talk about his room, you have been told that baby shouldn’t sleep in a separate room for you for the first 6 months, that includes naps so you should always be with little one when he is asleep (obviously not meaning never popping to the loo or getting a drink, just not leaving them sleeping for long periods alone!)

He does normally sleep when out for a walk in his pram. Mum has not quite developed the confidence to do it on her own yet and I'm working during the day; but we've done it at weekends successfully. I guess the problems is that we would still need to find solution for when he's at home.

He sleeps with us.

I totally understand that, I was very nervous going out on my own without my DH, I remember taking a celebratory selfie the first time I took the pram round the block on my own! Would he sleep if your wife cuddled, rocked him to sleep and then put her feet up with Netflix/snacks and let him sleep on her? Could always try putting him down when he’s asleep if you need your hands free, sometimes it will work! Some people also find stretchy wrap slings useful for this in the day but personally I got very worried about his position so would get quite stressed about it and didn’t want him sleeping long periods in there in the day so if your wife is also a little anxious that might not work for her.

If Mum is nervous she could literally just walk up and down the street and then she is not far from home. Newborns and even much older children don’t go to sleep by themselves they need reassure of a cuddle either held, rocked or in a sling or been pushed in a pram.

If she is breast feeding then look at the safe 7 to see if she is able to safely cosleep.

Thanks Poppy - appreciate your help!

I think perhaps the Netflix point is a good one. She's been a bit anxious about overstimulating him, but I've also been reading things that suggest we shouldn't worry. I will see what she things.

We have a big Ergobaby carrier but perhaps a bit impractical for around the house. I'll look at scretchy ones, that might help her.

Mine was the same. It was a total nightmare. Have you got a sling? Or a garden to push park back and forth in? I pretty much had to hold my babies for months for them to sleep. It was awful. Do you have a spare room to take turns getting proper sleep in? When you have a baby who won’t sleep without being held, it is the most exhausting thing in the world.

Defo get Netflix on! I watched loads of tv in newborn phase. Just nothing with horrible shouting or angry sounds.

Yeah I watched loads of TV, new babies don't care! Plus a bit of background noise is good to help them know it's day time rather than all quiet like at nighttime.

I think getting out is a good idea, I've always found a lot of crying to be quite triggering in the house whereas it doesn't seem that bad outside, both of mine have always gone off quickly outside too. Agree with PP she could just do a lap of your block if she's nervous? Does she have any friends with similar age babies she could meet for a walk?

Oh don’t worry about the noise of the TV, they quite like background noise, I got through so many series on Netflix when my DS was tiny. Is he sleeping in his crib at all at night?
In terms of a wrap, I got a stretchy wrap that you tie yourself but on reflection I think I would have preferred a softer structured carrier, I think the ergo baby embrace is one and also the close caboo, you could look at those.
You have all my sympathy, it is really hard but my 11 month DS now sleeps through the night in his own room and does all his naps in his cot, it feels like you will never sleep normally again but i promise you will!

You have my sympathy OP, being a first time parent is such a shock to the system and we certainly struggled! My DS is 13 months now but casting my mind back to the first few months, we definitely let him sleep on us during the day rather than trying to put him down in a cot. We had the Moses basket set up in the sitting room in the daytime so could put him in that after a while if we needed to do something, but otherwise just stuck the TV or some music on and let him snooze on our chest. I do remember I had a little table set up next to me with a big bottle of water and lots of snacks so that I wouldn’t need to move when he was sleeping.
The idea of getting out with him in the pram is also a very good one, your wife could try just walking very close to home to begin with as others have said.
We also found Infacol drops really helped and gave them before every feed for the first few months. Also bear in mind that babies need feeding a lot in the first few months as they’re growing like mad, I remember days when literally all I seemed to do was feed DS constantly! Your baby might be really hungry so offer frequent feeds. Feeding to sleep is also totally normal for a tiny baby and is a good way to keep them asleep as they’re nice and full!
Good luck and enjoy the time with your little family

I second the ‘walking up and down the street’ idea.

I live on a terraced street and there were 3 babies born within 5 months and all of us have been seen marching up and down the street sometimes with a crying baby and sometimes with a sleeping one, sometimes at midnight and sometimes at midday.

Congratulations on your new addition. We found that it’s either they’re sleeping on you or you’re moving in the pram/sling/car. Which is shit because it essentially means you have to take it in turns so that you can both rest.

At a random point, for us at least, it just changed and he slept in the N2Me then we ended up coalescing from the 4m sleep regression.

Thanks all - really helpful and reassuring.

I think it's perhaps also an expectational thing. Mum thought baby would sleep alone a lot more and has been surprised and frustrated how much he wants to be held, but I guess we need to find a away around it. I think we'll try a baby sling (we have one but in retrospect it's more for outdoor use as it's a bit impractical to take on and off regularly, so we might try a stretchy one and see how we get on).

He is also tricky in the nights when he needs to be in his cot, but I guess we just need to manage that situation.

I might also book an afternoon or two off work so she can get some proper naps in.

Agree with all the things above.

• stretchy wrap on and walk around the house until asleep then leave in wrap and watch Netflix (I watched the entirety of friends plus much, much more!)

• in the pram and walking as far as she's happy, even if it is just up and down the street. The more you do, the easier it gets

• I'd be tempted to revisit Infacol or similar and speak to the GP if it persist as could be reflux in which case Omeprazole will help

• have you got a baby rocker or similar? Might be worth investigating if LO sleeps better moving

Feet up on the sofa with the telly on for at least 12 hours a day is VERY normal with a 4 week old.

Get a comfy sling for indoors.

Remember that your baby still thinks it's attached to its mum therefore won't want to be put down.

Hold him to sleep, it’s boring but needs to be done. Get everything within reach and get comfy. If you can be off afternoons/weekends you walk him to sleep. The more they sleep, the more they will sleep (well that’s the theory).
I used to walk DD for miles to get her to sleep and it did work.

Have you tried a dummy? Worked like magic for both of my DDs.

www.direct4baby.co.uk/products/rockit-portable-baby-rocker?variant=31683560702016&currency=GBP&utm_source=google&utm_medium=surfaces&utm_campaign=shopping%20feed&utm_content=free%20google%20shopping%20clicks&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrbuP4fSj8gIVJQh9Ch2rrQvSEAQYBCABEgJRIfD_BwE This was a god send for us!

Some babies just want to be held. There was a thread on here not so long ago about this. How some just won’t be put in the cot ever. They grow out of it eventually but it’s so tiring while it’s going on.

Omg WHY wasn't there rockers like that 20 years ago?!!!!!! That looks amazing!

This is very normal for someone so tiny, I'm afraid. DD2 (DC3) was a perfect baby, better than textbook, but a nightmare when she hit 3. Just take over as much as you can when you're at home. The health visitor can be a mine of information, I suggest your wife asks her.

Yep can confirm 4 week olds need to be held to sleep. Sleep promotes sleep so if your baby is getting good sleep during the day, you're setting yourself up for a better night (hopefully!). Eventually this will all settle down but 4 weeks is still the 4th trimester. Look it up it you haven't already, it's very reassuring to know how normal all this is.

My baby napped on me for every nap until she was 6 months old. Because she got good longs naps on me, she slept well at night. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

A walk round the block is fine too, nothing to be nervous about. Feed and change baby then set off with the pram, don't need to go far but that will help get some sleep, and will help your mental health too being out in the fresh air and hopefully some sunshine!!

@sleepydad503 could it be grunting baby syndrome? My son is 4 weeks also and from 3 weeks every time we try to put him down he starts grunting/straining/squirming within minutes. My husband and I have to take shifts holding him, while the other one gets some sleep. I’m told it’s normal and he should grow out of it by 8-12 weeks.

Thanks all - much appreciated.

We've taken lots of your advice and Amazon got a little order placed with them today. Hopefully it helps!

@MintGreenLife he mostly makes adorable squeaking noises that become gradually less adorable as the hours roll on. As he's one moth old we're going to experiment with gripe water. He seems to get discomforted after eating but has no problem poohing (he almost finds it too easy), so I'm hoping that helps reduce his 5am squeaking.

It is normal for tiny babies to make lots of weird noises, my DS sounded like an angry goat, in fact I was going through photos the other day and found loads of videos I took to send to the GP because I couldn’t believe babies were supposed to make these bizarre noises! As others have said, getting out with the pram might be difficult but will be good for mums mental health. I was the same, couldn’t believe I actually needed to sit and hold the baby all day at first, I blame TV and films for always showing babies just peacefully sleeping in Moses baskets! I found that one walk with the pram a day just gave me that bit of time to not have a baby on me which helped. Now I spend my days chasing after an 11 month old I think back to those long days on the sofa very fondly, but at the time it was hard, especially the first 6 weeks. I also found that having a kindle so I could sometimes be reading rather than just watching TV made me feel less like my brain was going to mush, and also reading rather than scrolling on my phone during night feeds helped me get to sleep quicker when baby was down. If your wife likes reading that might be something that she would enjoy x

Hi OP,

I sympathise! My now teen DS would not settle for sleep as a baby.

We tried so many things.

What worked in the end was motion.

We used to:

• take him for an evening walk in his buggy
• sit in a chair watching the TV rocking him to sleep
• invested in a rocking Moses basket that we'd have downstairs with us (DH even jerry rigged a string attachment that he'd tie to his foot, so he could lie down on the sofa and rock it by flexing his feet!)
• walking/pacing around the garden
• we bought a rocking chair when he out grew the Moses basket.
• on a really bad night we'd go out for a drive with him in the car for 30 mins (all of us in PJ's!!)

If we put him in his crib before he was asleep he just wouldn't settle.

If we got him to sleep and then put him in (very gently so as not to wake and repeat the process!!) then he'd keep sleeping for about 4 hours at a time.

I've always thought that he had been so used to motion in the womb as I moved/walked etc he associated that with comfort. Not sure if that's true though...

Good luck!