Postnatal depression

[Cornflake24]

Hi All,

My son is almost 4 weeks old now and after being unable to shake the hormones I finally spoke to someone and have been diagnosed with PND.

Im finding each day gets tougher and the constant feeling of not being good enough and guilt is unbearable, up until now iv been lucky and iv had that bond with my son but I can feel it slipping away a little more day by day and all I want to do is sleep.

My husband is super supportive and I have a fantastic pregancy group who are amazing too but I'm struggling to open up to friends and family and honestly just don't want to see them.

Iv been prescribed anti depressants and been reffered to a therapist but I just feel awful, iv suffered with anxiety and depression before but this is next level.

Has anyone been through this and came out the other side quickly? I'm really worried im going to stop feeling love towards my son at the rate its going.

I'm still very much in the thick of PND after a stint in hospital and an attempted suicide. I didn't think my baby was mine, I didn't really like him, I didn't even like my 3 yo much at the time and I just wanted to disappear.

Since starting medication and having very regular visits from the home treatment team amongst many visits to the psychiatrist I can say that the bond with my son is slowly forming. I am beginning to enjoy him a bit more and able to interact better and more willingly than before.
I'm still struggling pretty badly with the overall depression and some are better than others plus I'm still early on in treatment, but yes, the bond is coming and that in itself is progress. I hate the cliche but time does help.

I was diagnosed in May and it feels neverending but I have seen and read so many stories of recovery and it gives me hope. Keep going, you will not lose the bond you already have - once you begin to feel better it will come back stronger. Sorry for the jumbled response there, I've just taken a sleeping pill and seeing double.

@bonnie90x sorry your going through this.

@Cornflake24 sorry you're struggling too. It's hell. Keep talking, to anyone. On here or in RL. Sleep ..sleep....sleep as much as is humanly possible. Grab as much help that's available to you. Keep telling yourself you will get through this, I try to remind myself that I'm ill and it WILL end one day. Thinking of you. X

Thank you

Yes, I had severe PND/A to the extent that I had daily home visits from my CPN or psychiatrist. With the help of medication and the support of the perinatal mental health service, I came through it and you will too.

Take each hour at a time (a day was too long for me). Take all the help that's offered. Keep talking. I know how bleak and awful everything seems at the minute but this is not your life forever. You are ill and you will get better with the right treatment.

I’m really struggling too. Thank you for your thoughts. Bonnie are you okay?

I had PND diagnosed about 10 days after my baby was born. I resisted taking antidepressants until I stopped breastfeeding at 12 weeks and honestly felt better after 5 days.

I’m still on a low dose and see a perinatal psychologist fortnightly for CBT but honestly feel like it’s night and day.

Once I accepted it was hormonal and nothing I could do to control it, it really helped. I try and exercise daily (nothing strenuous, just a walk with the pram or yoga). And I stopped drinking. Daughter is now 5 months and I’m so much happier.

Wow that’s an amazing success story, thank you! What AD are you taking? I’m 12 days in and I think the depression is starting to lift (but I don’t want to count my chickens... )

It can be a long hard slog but hang on in there, each hour and day at a time. I had a relentless winter with my LO and then one day I just felt different for an hour or so and then gradually it was like it was lifting. Sending love to all struggling, it's a toughie.

Well done for speaking up OP

You will absolutely get through this. My cousin had it really bad to the point she was hallucinating, she is doing fantastic now and is off the meds.Keep your chin up x

Thank you everyone. It’s so hard. I’ve found the anxiety the worst - like my brain and body screaming at me that something is wrong

I also have Postnatal depression/anxiety. Had suicidal thoughts after complications in pregnancy, extended hosp stay and sleep deprivation. Still not sleeping as cannot switch off from worrying. My son is 4 weeks old and I am so worried about not being able to look after him or losing my bond with him. Referred for first appointment with perinatal MH on Monday. Hopeful to find support here and stories of recovery x

I’m so sorry. I am really struggling too, but the perinatal MH teams are amazing so I am sure they will help you. Do you have family close by? Is your partner being supportive? I have moved in with my mum for the help to ensure we stay safe. Keep us posted on here x

@Cornflake24 how are you getting on?

@Georgia324 thanks for checking in I'm actually feeling so much better the tablets are doing thier thing, still have some moments but for the most part feel like my old self.

How are you doing?

Hey @Cornflake24 god I’m so jealous - what are you taking? Did you have anxiety too?

Hello, I posted this on a thread a few weeks ago so I thought I'd copy and paste rather than writing out again: I just wanted to say that I found this thread a few months ago, felt exactly the same and felt dread reading it. I was in such an awful place, regretted everything, just felt like I wanted to die and had no happiness from anything, it was really awful I cant explain how bad it was. Couldn't believe what I'd done. I read the comments on here, didn't believe them and thought ill never get better. Anyway, I got help and started taking anti depressants, they have saved me!! Life is good now, I feel normal again. Still have some bad thoughts occasionally but they don't overwhelm my mind, I feel very much back to being me now and get a lot of happiness and excitement from simple things. I think back to how bad it was and cant believe I'm writing this, I thought I'd feel like that forever. I know it might not help everyone but if anyone is in that bad place and is offered the AD'S please take them! I'm still awaiting counselling so it can only get better."

Since writing on that thread I'm not even really having ups and downs now. I feel completely fine, I wake up excited about the future and I'm generally content. I still struggle with my baby sometimes (crying, fussing etc) but I think that's normal and it doesn't really stress me out now, I just deal with it and move on. I was in the most awful place, I never believed anyone when they said it would get better. The medication started working after a week or 2 and its slowly crept up on me over the last 2 months to where I am now.

@Georgia324 I'm on steraline.
I do have anxiety but it's managed by CBT, I was surprised the pills worked so well but think I just caught it early enough.

Hoping you feel better soon x

@User95659565 @Cornflake24 I am so so envious, sounds awful to say. I’m taking an antidepressant but I was already on a low dose and it didn’t work, so it has been increased. However it is escitalopram not sertraline. Maybe I need to change. I just can’t see how I will ever get better.

It was increased 4 weeks ago. I can’t tell if I feel any different, maybe a bit, but does it make sense to say that I almost feel worse because I’m so frustrated by how long it is taking?

You might need to change your ADs, some don't work for everyone. I'm on Sertraline and thats my first type I've been on. Can you ask if you could try them? It will work eventually. I was diagnosed very early (2 weeks after birth) which might have helped but I was diagnosed with severe depression so it wasn't mild or anything. Please keep faith that it will get better, I was in exactly your position and I couldn't believe anyone when they told me that it would get better but it did.

I'm also on the lowest dose, I was going to up it but nor sure if I should now

Thank you so much. It’s like living in a nightmare, isn’t it. I’ve got bipolar so I’m on a couple of meds and I can’t just be on an AD because I go hypomanic (cue very bad decision making and behaviour!). What did you find helped when you were in the thick of it? Thank you again for being there for me, it means everything xx

Hi @User95659565 and @Cornflake24 , just to let you know I’m doing much better! I actually got admitted to a mother & baby unit a month ago. They changed my AD to Mirtazipine & I’m on leave from the unit for a long weekend. I wanted to give others hope that it can get better. I really think the mother & baby unit may have saved my life. I’m eternally grateful.