Strong willed 2yr old, any advice

[Lillybank1]

We have had/are having a very turbulant “terrible 2” journey, which we are still very much in the thick of. My DS 32 months is a feisty little guy and will kick off everytime things don’t go his way. We have been working hard with him and are in a period of more calm at the moment altho it comes in waves. The current difficult we have (and there are many 🙈) but does anyone have any advice on toddlers who refuse to take your hand, refuse to go in the buggy and can take a number of attempts to get in the car seat. Two of us (at the same time) have failed repeatedly to get him the buggy, he is so strong, he point blank refuses to take your hand, or will take it for seconds and then start writhing about to get out of grip. We also have reigns but again if we can get them on he often decides he’s just not walking and will sit down and tantrum in the street. He has no sense on danger and to walk freely is no where near an option currently. Tops tips?? Side note he is a lovely wee boy we he’s not being an absolute little darling 😳

Marking my spot but you've basically described my LO at the moment

because

How is his speech and understanding? Is he able to explain what the issue is with all of these things? Does be understand/can he be bribed with where you're going e.g if you want to go to softplay you have to get in the car seat?

Would a reward chart work?

He's of an age where I would expect him to be able to walk down the road with some sense and get into his own car seat. Are you sure he can't do it if he was given a bit more responsibility? If you talked up what a big sensible boy he is etc. Is it maybe him pushing back against boundaries that if you took away he would rise to meet you?

Also, what happens when he has a tantrum about the reins? Does he give in or do you?

Watching with interest @Lillybank1 and @pinkmoon18 - this also describes our 29 month old boy, and we have a 9 week old baby so decent helping of sibling jealously in the mix now too. Solidarity, comrades.

He sounds exactly like mine! Have you tried bribery e.g if you go in the car seat I’ll give you two Pom bears or whatever will work, one thing on each hand and then they can’t fight as much. The same for the buggy. I had similar issues with reins and only use them when I need control as he either sits down or hangs his weight on them. Mines now 4 and still can’t walk down the road as required but at least he’ll go in the buggy.

Toddler tantrums are very often down to the child feeling like they have no control over their life (which to be honest, they dont). Giving them choices (within boundaries) can help them feel a bit more in control and maybe avert tantrums.
For example " we are going to the park, you can choose to walk and hold hands or go in the pram" , "which way shall we go? Left or right, you're in charge!" , "shall we feed the ducks first or go to the swings?"
So as the adult you are making the big decisions - you are going to the park and you are going to get him there safely, but he feels like he's being involved in making decisions and having his ideas listened to and respected.
There are some good ideas about dealing with tantrums on this Montessori website

@NuffSaidSam

Hhmm i have always felt his speech is a little behind but not massivly so, altho others comment that they feel he’s a good talker “for a boy” I still feel there are some frustrations for him there . His understanding is very good though. The car seat we have more success, we have to let him climb in himself but thats fine, he gets a little frought when your in a hurry as he repeatedly tries to climb past it to get in the front, “i drive, i drive” so he gets furious about the fact that at the age of 2 I wont allow him to drive, my bad!

However once he’s in we’re ok, that said, he has started to try and break out of that too but thats another story. I don’t want to have to start taking the car everywhere as its my only safe option to transport him however sometimes I have to cos I just need to get whatever needs done, done.

When we walk with the reigns on my days off i make very few plans with other people so i can concentrate just going at his pace, if he wants to sit down and tantrum for 10 mins about it, i just stand and wait till he’s done. Where it gets tricky is on the school run, i need to be there for my DD and eventually if he’s not backing down i have carry him which to be honest i more that struggle to do. It’s just starting to consume our whole life as i am having to leave him at home with my husband who is working from home just to try and get basic tasks done as I know there will be a show down.

I have been considering a reward chart, i think i might give that a go.

I hear what your saying re: boundaries and giving him a bit more responsibility, I have also considered this as one of the issues. When we are in a safe environment e.g. a park I of course let him run free, I am just so terrified to do this in the street, he’s on his own agenda and I have zero confidence (and experience) that me calling him gets any attention, he would without question run into the road.

@pinkmoon18@Decemberly@NuffSaidSam@mayblossominapril

Sorry you guys are having this too, selfishly delighted to hear im not alone 🙈

No good advice here: my strong willed 2 year old in now a strong willed 20 year old.

You have my sympathy and best wishes.

I can only agree with previous advice re bribery and giving choices. You have my utmost sympathies!

I can remember being that frustrated toddler myself, and standing banging a door between my hands! It all got much better once I could explain myself....

I can really recommend following an account called biglittlefeelings on Instagram. They have some really good tips for how to handle (and understand) toddler feelings,

@drowsy thank you, I have gone and followed 👍🏻

Would he do better on a little push along bike (with the handle for you)? That’s what we did with my buggy refused, she loved it and we got around quickly.