Is it normal to resent your child?

[T1623]

I hate myself writing this but for some time now I have been struggling to enjoy spending lots of time with my daughter, she's currently 3 and I am also 8 months pregnant with our second.
I love her to pieces but I find all the kids activities so boring and draining I just can't be bothered, but I do it as it's what's best for her then end up resenting it as I feel like a machine on top of house work and working from home. That being said we do have support from family and husband is great with her too, but I feel like I can never have a conversation without being shouted over or that every hour of each day I should be doing something else to entertain and I just don't think I have it in me. Then I have complete panic that I'm about to have another and right now I'm scared at how I'm going to deal with it.
I see so much online of other people (the dreaded social media perception) and it makes me feel like a terrible parent for feeling like this but I can't help it and I don't know how to get out of this mindset as I don't feel it's good for me or her, and I'm genuinely worried about ending up depressed once number two comes as I'm barely dealing with this now :( though I'm sure being heavily pregnant isn't helping but I can't blame it all on that, I have no idea what to do to change things!

This is why I didn’t have a second child. You go to work, then you come home and do chores, then you have to do boring activities like going to the park or cycling or playing trains. It’s fucking boring and you feel like you never get a rest to do what you want to do. I can’t be bothered either, I force myself because DS needs me to.

I think being heavily pregnant definitely makes a difference, I’m 35 weeks and DS1 is like a tornado at the minute. If I didn’t ache, feel sick and waddle I’d be more up for running back and forth the path 17 times before actually making any progress forward 😂.

Most kids stuff is boring, are there any things you like doing? We try and do things we like but make it toddler friendly.

The baby and toddler years are relentless and monotonous tbh.

When they get a bit older it gets so.muchh easier, yes they still need you but they have their own interests and hobbies. You can also do more fun stuff that you might enjoy like cinema. They spend more time with friends and you get more time. For yourself.

@Amima

This is why I didn’t have a second child. You go to work, then you come home and do chores, then you have to do boring activities like going to the park or cycling or playing trains. It’s fucking boring and you feel like you never get a rest to do what you want to do. I can’t be bothered either, I force myself because DS needs me to.

Totally agree with this comment. There is a reason i only had one..its fucking hard, relentless and a lot of the time mind numbingly boring love my child to absolute bits but I'd be lying if I said I love dealing with tantrums and picking pieces of playdoh out the rug when I could be relaxing doing hobbies I enjoy 😉

You don't have to entertain her all the time. She needs to learn to play on her own. Get her a tablet as well. You'll get an hours peace a day and she can build her hand eye coordination and problem solving skills. Win win.

Yes, it's normal!

Read "I'm Okay, you're a brat", by Susan Jeffers. It is witty, funny and very good. Please don't feel guilty.....

I think this generation of parents feel much more pressure to play with their children. I'm a 70s child and my parents expected us to amuse ourselves, though we were well off enough to have a garden and toys.
My 1990s kids got a bit more attention (reading, watching Disney/ Thomas the tank engine but otherwise tv wasn't on, singing/dancing together and a few crafts) but mostly they played games with each other and friends. We used to set them up with things and leave them to it so we could do what we needed to do in peace.

Oh god doesn’t every parent feel like this? My just turned 3 year old has destroyed me today. I’ve been on my own with him most of the day (both grumpy due to his 5:30am starts!) and it’s just been a continuous loop of him whinging and begging for junk food / juice in between Play Doh, Baby Shark jigsaws, etc. Awful.

I am also sticking to one.

Does she go to pre school or nursery? It is draining and terrible when you’re pregnant as well. My advice would be to take advantage of as much childcare as you can and don’t be afraid to stick the TV on if you need a break. It gets loads easier when they’re a little older.

Oh god, I'm an early 80s child and I remember many times where I was given a book and had to carry on for a weekend.

Get them some books and tell them it's quiet time. I really don't think 2-4 year olds need constant entertainment.

I don’t resent him but my 3yr old ground now me and DH into the ground today with his relentlessness. If I heard Muuuuuuuummmmy one more time today, I was going to scream. Add in one baby who has made it his life’s mission to seek out the most dangerous and inappropriate items and activities possible and yeah, I’d have given anything for 5 minutes alone. I’m fairly sure my DH hid in the bathroom for an extended pretend poo earlier just to get some peace. I’d try that but I just get followed in, or if I lock the door, the 3yr old just shouts through.

Are you sure about having a second?

Toddlers are hard work, I’ve a two year old and she’s full on but I adore it but that’s because I only work part time, have a hands on DH and a cleaner!

Only child life is the way for me 😂

Yeah the early years I found so boring. It's not just you.
Them starting pre school or school is a bonus in the not too distant future.

I always used to have energy in the mornings so that's where we'd go out preferably with other friends with kids. Then home for lunch and chilled afternoon.
We all need time to recharge.

I'd play with them for a little bit before dinner and then a bit more tv and a looooong bath time to eke out the time till bedtime which was always early so at least I had my evenings to myself!

From age 4/5 things improved lots and I genuinely enjoyed spending more time with them. I've just taken my 6 year old camping by myself and we had a genuinely lovely time together.

Certain ages are just tough, I have an almost 15 year old dc and I still stand by the fact that 1-3 years is the hardest and most boring.

Thanks for the comments everybody it's really helpful hearing different perspectives, I think there's so much pressure now to have activities daily and constant stimulation and I find it draining! Plus people don't generally talk about it either, like it's seen as a weakness to not enjoy every second of it.
And no I wasn't sure about having a second... I kind of hoped I'd have time to get used to the idea while trying and boom pregnant straight away! Just don't want to resent the second before he's even here through fear of the same thing happening again!

Sounds like you're exhausted with the pregnancy and having a toddler which is understandable. I've never resented mine, but i only have one and I waited a long time to have her (ivf) then couldn't have anymore. It made me so grateful and I honestly loved 99% of it when they were small. Now that dc is older it's even easier but i haven't reached the teenage years yet 😭 so trying to prepare myself for that!

That’s a tough age tbh but you do EVENTUALLY develop more tolerance for the park etc and they do get to the point where they don’t need quite as much supervision. It’s very daunting when you are having your second. I think everyone wonders how they’ll cope. Hang in there and jump your hurdles as you get to them

Kids are huge hard work.

We have two and actually I am so grateful we do as at 6 and 8 they play together a lot. When the 8 year old isn't up for playing together, the 6 year old is very draining!

So on the bright side, in a few years they may well help entertain one another.

I second the iPad if you don't have one (and some suitable education ish apps!)

I felt like this as well I just thought I was broken.

They’re 6 and 8 now it’s mostly enjoyable. I enjoy their company and we can have nice days where it’s not parenting as such. Just fun.

Agree with PP about two paying off when they’re a little older. They talk nonsense to each other and play silly games all day so I don’t have to listen or participate 😆

I hear soft play is open again. Take her there. They usually ha a toddler area. She will jump, scream and ran as much as she wants. You can, most likely, sit down for a bit, and have a coffee. The reward is reaped when you get back home wit a knackered toddler that falls asleep for a long long while. At least mine did. I could do what I wanted for a bit then!

What kids activities are you doing? When I was heavily pregnant with no 2 I used to take no 1 to soft play, farms etc. as it was a lot easier than entertaining at home.

I even took him on my own to Legoland during the week on a day off thinking it was lots of Lego models. When I realised it was loads of actual rides he was big enough for, I remember actually genuinely enjoying the day and his delight with it all. It was so much easier than trying to come up with things at home.

We still go to legoland as a family and prioritise the somewhat extortionate cost as it's still an easy but really fun day out that we all enjoy 6 years later!

Back off on the social media if you can, so many parents post the idealised perfect family activities on there. It doesn't show the true picture at all. Yes they need something to do once a day they are like puppies to be walked , but try and make it work round what you find ok, like a walk at least you've had exercise, or cafe at least you have cake . I hated role playing play, refused to do it, loved reading stories so balanced out.
It is about to get a lot harder with baby but it will pass in a blur and at the other end having 2 is probably easier.
Going out with friends with kids of similar ages is godsend as more fun and adult to talk to
Do what works for you, don't worry about what others are doing