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Parenting

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Original poster

2 years 8 months terrified of swimming

26 replies

Panda368 · 08/08/2021 13:52

I feel like I’ve totally failed my toddler and I’ve got no idea what to do.

I used to take him swimming regularly until last March when obviously COVID happened and shut the pools and he’s not really been since.

He’s usually super confident and fearless with everything so it’s come as a total surprise that he seems so afraid.
He is going through a funny phase of not really liking new things at the moment though.

Trying to get him into swim shorts he literally fights as if I’m going to strangle him with them.
I ended up giving up put his clothes back on and took him out on the poolside to just sit and look at the pool and he wouldn’t even touch the water or even get close to it. Just clung to me asking me to put his socks on.

He wouldn’t even touch the water on my hand after I dipped my hand in.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks leave it for a few months but I don’t want this fear bedding in even more as he gets older.

Another part thinks I should take him more to get him used to the process and eventually he will get over it and get in but that’s basically burning money on an activity we currently both find super stressful.

I used to swim competitively and love all water so this is a totally alien problem and I don’t know how to approach it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NuffSaidSam · 08/08/2021 13:54

Is he scared of water generally or just at the pool?

Presumably, he's having a bath and washing his hands etc?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/08/2021 13:56

Just try again regularly. If the weather warms up, try a pading pool at home.

They don't need to go at 2yo to enjoy swimming when older.

superking · 08/08/2021 13:56

He is still really young, hopefully it's just a phase. I wouldn't waste money on it for now. Try again in a few months? DS was a bit like this, we waited till he was 4 and happy to play in the water, though still nervous about being submerged/ floating with armbands on. He had a few months of 1:1 lessons with a very patient teacher, them moved into group lessons, and now at the age of 8 is a very strong swimmer who loves the water.

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Starjammer · 08/08/2021 13:59

DD was like this when we went back after lockdown. Two things that helped:

just sitting on the side of the pool watching other children playing and talking about it. We did this for about 15-20 mins, just 'Look, that boy is splashing!' And 'Wow, that little girl just jumped in!'
a cheap little wind-up pig toy that I would put in the water and we would watch it go. After about 15 mins, she wanted to go in to retrieve it and 10 mins after that she was splashing and bouncing.

We only went to the shallow toddler pool so she could stand up if she wanted to.

Starjammer · 08/08/2021 14:00

I should add that the first time, we didn't even get into the pool at all. We just stayed on the side and watched and spoke and I dangled my feet in, etc.

The second time is when she eventually went in.

Starjammer · 08/08/2021 14:03

Oh and finally, we got a couple of books about going to the swimming pool and now whenever we read them, she says she wants to go swimming too!

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 08/08/2021 14:04

Sack it off, completely not worth the hassle. One of mine has been a complete water baby, the other has only just managed to put their head underwater at 7. Now the 7 year old is motoring swimming wise but had we forced it earlier it would have been bloody miserable. Hair washing alone has been a complete nightmare for years.

BlueSurfer · 08/08/2021 14:07

I’d back off and wait a while.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2021 14:07

I don't think it's at all unusual to go through a pool-averse phase. Just stop doing it till he's older. A paddling pool (or even a big bowl of water) may be more fun at this age, they can splash around without fear or stress.

Around 2-4 years, we had a couple of holidays at a hotel with a pool with big shallow steps - DD would go on those but not into the pool proper.

When she started swimming lessons at about 4, she was one of the ones who hated having their head in the water or being out of her depth. Sensible really... I'd rather have a kid who is cautious around water than one who is too hung-ho tbh.

She turned into a water sports enthusiast at about 10, happily falling off windsurf boards into a freezing pennine reservoir.

Original poster

Panda368 · 08/08/2021 14:16

He likes the bath but hates getting his hair and face wet. He’s a bit funny about the paddling pool to be fair but I think it was just a bit too cold last time he went in one.

I think I will try a few more times before I completely sack it off for a bit.

He wouldn’t even let me put my swimming costume on in the changing rooms but I think that was more because he knew what was coming.

I don’t want to force him but equally I don’t want him just having no exposure.

I had him playing in small waves on a body board last September and loving it despite going a bit blue so it’s such a shock that he’s now so nervous

OP posts:

Original poster

Panda368 · 08/08/2021 14:20

@Starjammer what swimming books did you get? We currently have a pepper pig and ‘Come on baby duck’ both of which seem to reinforce that the pool can be a bit scary!

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2021 14:24

A toddler having no exposure to swimming pools will not do them any harm whatsoever.
Persisting in a mutually stressful experience probably won't long term but is unlikely to be helpful.

SummerStressing · 08/08/2021 14:26

@Panda368 we have ‘Maisy goes swimming’ which is really sweet.

NuffSaidSam · 08/08/2021 14:30

If he's fine in the bath etc. then just leave the swimming for now.

It will have absolutely no effect on his future relationship with swimming/water to wait for a few months and then try again.

You're more likely to create a problem if you push it.

Starjammer · 08/08/2021 14:33

I went with swimming costume already on under my clothes (our pool actually ask you to come pool-ready anyway) to minimise the time spent in the changing room, and I took some choc buttons for her to eat while getting changed (parent of the year I'm sure, but it kept her happy!)

We have the Peppa one - DD is 2.5 and LOVES Peppa and we talked about George was anxious at first but then he went in and had lots of fun. I can't remember the other one - we left it at my parents' house and haven't got it back yet!

I really love taking her swimming and we have some holiday plans featuring a pool, so I wanted to persevere with it at least a couple of visits before giving up, and after that second trip, she spoke about it all the way home and the next day and has been fine going since, so it was worth it in our case.

Starjammer · 08/08/2021 14:36

Also I think it's totally normal for them to be uncertain after so long away. We were quite regular pool-goers and then nothing for a year, so that's a massive time in the life of a 2-year-old! And they're a lot more aware of things now, including the concept of hurting themselves or things being scary. We had a similar issue with some play equipment at the big park - we didn't go during lockdown as it was too far to travel, so when we did go back, she was really scared of it - even though she had gone on it happily when we had last been.

Original poster

Panda368 · 08/08/2021 16:22

I think I will give it another few tries and if there is no improvement will sack it off for 6 months or so. He will have a new baby brother to try and impress then which might change things up a bit

OP posts:

LakeShoreD · 08/08/2021 16:29

My toddler was the same although it extended to a fear of all water so bath time was also a horrific battle ground. Then we dumped her at Mini Club Med, came back at the end of the day and all the toddlers were having a ‘pool party’ and she was in the pool actually swimming with armbands on. Don’t know how they managed it but she’s loved water ever since! Toddlers go through strange phases. It won’t last so I wouldn’t push it.

Disneycharacter · 08/08/2021 16:40

DS (8) was exactly the same, so we cooled it for a bit, then went back and eventually he loved it. Now swims like a little fish

bloodywhitecat · 08/08/2021 16:46

I had a toddler who loved swimming as a baby then went through a phase of being terrified of the pool. She is now 31 and has been a competitive swimmer since the age of 9, she started training with the club at 7 and still competes now. Try not to worry too much, when DD went through her fear stage I just backed off, I took her swimming without any pressure on her to get in the water (I found a beach style pool worked best as she could just dabble her feet when she was ready then she slowly grew in confidence).

Blippibloppi · 08/08/2021 17:06

My DS hated swimming at that age but is really enjoying it a year later so it might be worth just leaving it for a while and trying again in a few months.

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 08/08/2021 21:03

There’s a Topsy and Tim go swimming book. I’d try getting some exciting small bath toys that can only be used in the pool and see if that might motivate. But if he’s still getting upset to the point of crying, rather than just being reluctant, I’d give it a break for a few months then try again. Can he articulate what the problem is? Might goggles help? Try them in the bath first.

I bought my son a Swim Fin. He absolutely LOVES his shark fin and we get complimented on it literally every time we’re at the pool. It gives my son confidence too as he knows it helps him float. Worth exploring?

lljkk · 08/08/2021 21:08

I have a vague memory of one of mine would only sit by side of pool for an hour, and eventually just about touched the water. They got in the next time.

I have seen people in OP's situation just get in pool, carry the wailing clinging kid around slightly ignoring them, until the child calmed down enough to realise nothing bad was actually happening. Same child was playing by end of the session.

No one sure way to know what to do next, but I wouldn't give up yet.

Turquoisesol · 08/08/2021 21:13

My toddler did this many years ago. I just took him out of lessons and we went again when he was school age. He did take a while to be persuaded to duck under the water, I think he eventually did at 6. We had a one to one teacher for a while to help him. At 2 it isn’t really necessary to have them in the pool. They can’t learn to swim til they are closer to 5.

LittleBearPad · 08/08/2021 21:15

He’s only 2 - just give it a rest. He doesn’t need to go swimming

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