Wanting a second but my first is so bloody hard!

[pearandfig]

Possibly a bit unfair of me as I don’t think he’s exceptionally difficult but the lack of sleep exhausts me.

I want a second but I do worry about how I’d cope to be honest.

Can anyone relate? I have such mixed feelings. I feel like the logical decision is to stick with one yet I long for another and another and a house full of babies … just ones that sleep!

How old is your first?

How old is your DS? Could you have a bigger gap and then re evaluate? We did this and luckily DC2 has been completely different but I honestly couldn’t have coped with two awful sleepers at once (DC1 is 4 and still doesn’t always sleep through!)

First still under one but I’m ancient so don’t have the luxury of a big gap. If I wasn’t so old I’d definitely not be thinking of TTC until he was about 3/4.

Ah under one then no wonder you feel like that! I understand the time pressure. Good luck with deciding! Is there any support you could enlist to make it a bit easier?

It’s all a gamble and you never know what kind of baby / child you’ll get! I honestly would have broken with two of my DC1.

DD was a terrible sleeper, I had PND and was so exhausted all the time I could barely function. I remember getting really upset because i lost count trying to count to three scoops of formula. My brain was just fried.

When she was 10 months, she slept through every night for a week and we both felt so amazing that we decided to go for a second. Two weeks later, I was pregnant with DS and DD stopped sleeping again.

Altogether, aside from those two weeks, I got very little sleep for almost four years.

I have no regrets though. The 18 month age gap meant that we just had a few years of babies and nappies and then it was completely over. They've always been great playing together, they get on really well. A playdate with DD's BFF involves all three of them by default. Activities and daytrips are easy because they're able for the same sort of things.

Basically, it's horribly hard for a few years but utterly worth it.

I hear you OP. My first was an awful newborn. Still a very demanding baby/toddler, but a lot better. Sleep still sucks more often than it doesn’t though. I’m permanently exhausted now I’m back at work. Not a huge luxury of time here either.

Always thought I’d want 2 or 3 but I’d say I’m more inclined to stick with one now. I can’t imagine adding to this. Good luck in your decision

There was no way I could have considered another child when eldest was still a baby. He was a crap sleeper and I found 12-18 months very challenging. Had another baby when he had just turned 3. It's lovely.

My DS was very hard work as a baby - woke every 3 hours, always hungry, needing lots of attention. Then I had my second and she was a dream. Slept through the night from six weeks.

It took ages to get my son dry at night and to toilet train him. She went dry of her own accord and wet herself once when toilet training.

They're teenagers now! You assume that you are going to get the same when you're pregnant with no. 2 - I know I did. But you don't- you get a completely different child so don't let your experience with no. 1 put you off

I totally get you. My first has been an appalling sleeper and it has really killed dead my plans to have another. I just can’t imagine going through this again (even though he’s the love of my life and obviously completely worth it).

Hi OP... something to think about is the sibling age gap and how you’ll manage that .. I felt the same way as you about my age and basically cracked on with another baby - there’s a 2 yr 2 month gap between DC1 and DC 2 ... i couldn’t believe how tough it was for the first 8 months and my DC1 was really not happy about having a sibling and really let me know about it!! ... however now they are great together, play well and it was worth it 😀 DC2 was a much easier baby partly because I was more relaxed and confident about being a mum x

I hear you OP. My DD (now 6) was a terrible sleeper for a long time. We really wanted a second baby and like you, time wasn't on our side because of my age...but we were scared that another non sleeper might finish us off! Somehow we managed to have DS (now almost 4) and...he turned out to be a rubbish sleeper too! Albeit not quite as bad as his sister. But by then, I was used to it and coped much better than I thought I would.

I'd say the first DC is always the biggest shock to the system, because you don't know what to expect and your body isn't used to experiencing such extremes. But it does adjust - and who knows, maybe your second DC will be a brilliant sleeper??

Good luck with whatever you decide

I struggled with 2 and I had a big age gap. Had my second been my first i May well have only had one!!! But for me my 2nd was and is more challenging than my first!

But some people find 2 easier than having just 1, if you're lucky enough to have an easier 2nd born it can make it a bit more manageable.