How do you explain to your child

[LifesTooShortYOLO]

About animals and people who pass away?
My DS is 4 and asking ALOT of questions lately about everything 😂
His recent ones are what happens to things when they die?
What is a nice way of explaining to a child of this age?
Obviously I don't want to scare him but want to tell him so he can learn and understand.
I felt a bit put on the spot when he asked where the family cat went after it died and said 'Well it's gone up with the angels' 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ Which then resulted in a load more questions 😂😂

Nobody truly knows but different people have different beliefs. Then you talk about Vikings and Valhalla or Christians and heaven etc

Then you turn it back to him and say what do you think ?

Reincarnation is one that my kids like and seems to crop up on some kids movies. Bad people would be reincarnated as something like a dung beetle, good people as puppies etc

Straight talking is best imo. When my nanna died I told the kids she was ill with cancer and had died so they wouldn't be able to see her anymore. It's just a fact of life.

Give him it straight. Don’t use euphemisms like going to sleep- just makes kids afraid of going to sleep.

My 4yo is very sanguine about death, because I’ve been very honest. I just said something along the lines of - “sometimes when people or animals get very hurt or sick, or when they’re old, their bodies get very very tired and stop working. That’s called dying. Some people believe that when your body stops working, your spirit- which is the invisible part of you that thinks and feels and dreams- keeps going. Some people believe that when we die, our spirits go and rest too.” Etc etc. He knows that everyone and everything living will die one day.

He’s come to the conclusion himself that the body dies but the spirit goes on “because we don’t need a body just to have dreams!” - and I’m gently answering other questions.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal- it comes
To us all and far better to live life aware of that and unafraid. Even at 4!

Agree with @Chelyanne. I think it's confusing saying they are with the angels, unless you actually believe that I suppose.

That's such a lovely and honest way of explaining VaguelyInteresting

There is a good lift the flap usbourne book about death for this age group.

We had our dog put to sleep when DS4 was 4, we explained that sometimes with animals when they get poorly the go the vets and if they are soooo poorly then the animal then they don’t come home etc.

DS was so matter of fact, went to nursery the next day - X - my dog is dead 🤣🤣
Nursery were great as they had a whole discussion with the kids re death, he came home at the end of the day telling me that one child’s mum worked where people go when they are dead ( a funeral home!) and of the key workers doesn’t have a daddy as he’s dead.

I talk about how natural it is and about what different people/ religions believe.

We talk about love and energy and how those things always exist. I was brought up as a Buddhist so reincarnation is an interesting one too.

I think talking without fear or showing concern about this is a good idea, using a normal tone of voice and listening to any of their ideas too. This is an open ended conversation, will crop up repeatedly.

My son was like this for a bit. We went to the library and got a book about death which had a few pages on what a load of different religions and atheists believe happens. We read it together and I told him he could choose what he wanted to believe based on that or something different. It really helped.

We had to deal with this around the same age when MIL died. He is two years older now and still very preoccupied about death. We’re not religious so so we explained that as people get older their bodies don’t work as well and eventually their body stops working, which means they die. This means things don’t hurt them any more so they don’t feel frightened once they’re dead.

I really like @VaguelyInteresting’s explanation about the spirit as I have never quite known where to start with that but feel like we need something more than - “once you’re dead, that’s it”!

Unless you genuinely, truly believe someone has 'gone up with the angels' don't say this sort of thing. Whatever you do say, you have to be being honest.

@VaguelyInteresting

Give him it straight. Don’t use euphemisms like going to sleep- just makes kids afraid of going to sleep.

My 4yo is very sanguine about death, because I’ve been very honest. I just said something along the lines of - “sometimes when people or animals get very hurt or sick, or when they’re old, their bodies get very very tired and stop working. That’s called dying. Some people believe that when your body stops working, your spirit- which is the invisible part of you that thinks and feels and dreams- keeps going. Some people believe that when we die, our spirits go and rest too.” Etc etc. He knows that everyone and everything living will die one day.

He’s come to the conclusion himself that the body dies but the spirit goes on “because we don’t need a body just to have dreams!” - and I’m gently answering other questions.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal- it comes
To us all and far better to live life aware of that and unafraid. Even at 4!

I love this! DS is only 2.5 at the moment but I'll try and remember this for when he's a little older - thank you!

Dd and ds have both gone through these chats. We have talked about how when we die we go back into the earth to become parts of the trees and the flowers and help create new life. We also talked about how as long as we love someone they are always in our hearts and so will always be a part of us.

I think the conversations are worse for me than them but I try to be as honest and simple as possible. And try not to cry.