Struggling first time mum

[Loucla]

Hi I’m looking for some help! I have a now 5week old little girl that I’m struggling to settle to sleep be it day or night. I’m just looking for some help as to what I’m doing wrong! I feel like such a failure atm! Here’s a breakdown:

-she currently feeds around every 1-5-2hrs during the day taking between 3-4 ounces. I’d this normal I’m not sure if she should be this hungry?

-I really struggle to get her settled for day time nights a lot of the time. I’m trying to stick to the wake windows and she obv tired. Tried the lot white noise dark room shushing patting etc you name it I’ve tried it! Once she finally does sleep she’s up within 30 because I’ve either put her in the Moses basket or as it’s time for another bottle. I can’t put her down or she wakes!

• she was sleeping well during the night. Bottle around 11-11:30pm then 4am then about 5:30-6am. That’s now gone completely out the window and the last few nights she’s feed around 11:-11:30pm then woke up at 2am then that’s it. She’s awake all night or if we do manage to get her down it’s got no more than 1hr if we’re lucky!

I suppose im just looking for some help or advice. I feel like all im doing atm is crying and feeling like a rubbish mum!

Please don't feel rubbish, 5 weeks is really little, it may take a few more weeks for white noise to be soothing. My first baby was a good sleeper and my second baby was really not, and I learnt it can be down to the baby rather than the routine or anything you can do. Do you think a sling would work? Babies often like sleeping in a sling and being close to mum. Sorry I can't offer more advice except you sound like a great mum to me! I'm sure the sleep times get a bit longer as baby's stomach can take more milk. How you cope with the lack of sleep is the hardest part! Hope you can rest as much as poss. And congratulations on your baby

Im not sure if anything I can say will help you but Im a fourth time mum with a 2 week old and I can honestly say I never managed to get any of mine in a ‘routine’ and never really worried too much about it either. Your baby is still so incredibly tiny and she has been attached to you for 9 whole months, at 5 weeks she just wants to be close to you. I’m a believer that you can’t spoil a newborn and there is no such thing as too many cuddles. Have you tried wearing her in a sling?
On the feeding bit I couldn’t say as I’ve always breastfed on demand….I wish I knew how much mine ate but there are no measurements on boobs unfortunately
As long as she has plenty of wet and dirty nappies then you’re fine on the feeding front. As for sleeping, I’d say try putting her in a sling or in her buggy and go for a walk (for daytime naps) and just persevere. You are NOT failing, you sound like you are super organised and doing a brilliant job. Everything you describe to me seems totally normal! It will get easier I promise, but I think you just have to ride it out until she’s a bit older xx

I'm a ftm of a 5 week old too and in the nicest possible way I think you're trying to be way too regimental too quickly. I'd definitely suggest reading up on the 4th trimester, at this age babies just want to be as close to you as possible and very few will settle if they aren't.

I'm breastfeeding so not sure on quantities but I do have to feed around every 2 hours. Sleep wise she wakes 2 to 3 times at night and from what I've heard from others that's actually pretty good, some can wake every hour. As much as I didn't want to I am sometimes cosleeping with baby as she often dislikes being in her crib at night. This is all normal behaviour. Just remember babies haven't read books and have been inside a warm womb for 9 months, they just want comfort. Like a pp said you can't really spoil a newborn. Just enjoy the cuddles and nap while baby naps. I aim to start introducing a routine at around 3 months. Babies aren't robots!

They change all the time - you're at the stage where they get more alert so it's starts to get tricker. My eldest fed every 1.5 hours during the day for the first 4 months (he still is a greedy thing at 3.5yo), they have tiny tummies at this stage so just feed on demand. Sleep wise I think you're hoping for a bit too much - I'd keep it bright and noisy during the day so she knows it's day time and dark and quiet at night. You might not get her down in the basket for weeks yet, I used to try and if I didn't manage it just resigned myself to sitting on the sofa - find a comedy series that lasts about 30 minutes and take it from there, I'd be like "great, I got a three Schitts Creek nap today"! A sling was great both times for me and I get mine out in the buggy for a walk as much as I can (if you're able to) - guaranteed sleep for mine and I can listen to some music or a podcast. Neither of mine have paid any attention to "wake windows" so just watch for sleep cues and take it from there.

I’m certainly not trying to be regimented. I understand we’re far off a routine atm. I have read up a little on the 4th trimester and I am happy to sit and cuddle her of course I am! I absolutely besotted with her. My concern was just getting her to sleep as I know how important sleep is and she just seems to do everything possible to fight it. Which again I understand can be normal. I suppose the point of my post was to just get some reassurance that it’s not just me that has these struggles. My husband works 13.5hrs shifts and I’ve not many other people to call on for support so sometimes it can feel lonely! But she’s a perfect so we will just keep plodding along and im sure we will get there!

@Loucla definitely keep plodding along! You’re doing all the right things and you’re right especially first time it can be lonely! We are always here to chat tho!

Didn't mean to sound harsh when I said regimental it's just with you mentioning things like wake windows etc it sounds like you've read up a lot, but are feeling like a failure mainly because your baby isn't adhering to something that's written in a book. Every baby will be totally different so definitely keep plodding along and you'll get there! It's definitely not just you having these struggles x

6 week sleep regression. Was she overdue by about a week?

Download the wonder weeks app xxx

Oh and a swaddle sack saved us in this regression xx

you are not a rubbish mum.
newborns can be beasts!😉

the best thing I found was the Priscilla Dunsten Baby language interview on Oprah (look it up on YouTube).
I followed the advice and within 2 days I knew exactly when DD needed winding, feeding, putting in bed.
I was a changed woman. I cried with relief and wished I had known what different cries mean when I had her brothers!!!

Congratulations & best of luck.