Party - siblings and extra cost

[partayy]

I've got a party planned for DS. It's a leisure centre with bouncy castle etc. Cost covers 20 kids then after that kids are £7 each. The place doesn't provide party food. I will be providing that. £7 per child seems steep when no food being provided by venue but they do all tableware and plates cups etc.

I can just about do around 20 if I don't invite siblings but I feel bad not doing so as the hall is so huge it can def fit them. The leisure centre said I can have siblings attend but if they are eating it's £7 each as they have to set a place for them at tables.

Should I invite siblings but let parents know food not provided for them and only the older child? Is that really tight/mean?! The amount of siblings means it would be at least another £70 plus the cost of actually providing the food.

Or should I just invite the 20 kids and say no siblings?

Don't invite more than 20 people if you can't fully accommodate for them because people people expect the full experience if they're on the invitation.

You can however verbally say that siblings are welcome but won't have a place set at the table but can help themselves to picky foods or whatever.

You might have people who can't make it too so 2/3 siblings may be able to have a seat at the table.

Say no siblings on the invitations. Shit you have to do that but people are dicks.

As a lone parent I always had to bring a sibling (before old enough to drop and run) and I was happy to pay entry. We wouldn't expect food nor to sit with the party for food..I'd just spell it out on the invite.

Thanks! I think I may say welcome to come but lunch only provided for older child so eat before or I can have a couple of snacks bits out if the hall allows it

I can't believe that people expect siblings of invited DC to be catered for. Cheeky feckers!
I've always worked on the basis that the only person attending the party is the DC whose name is on the invitation. Other DC would be left at home with DH / dropped to the grandparents. If that wasn't possible, then I would either have dropped and left party-attending DC, or (when younger and unable to leave) I would have taken other DC but would not have expected them to be fed or really join in the party etc. They would've sat with me and we'd read books / colour in and I'd take some snacks for them.
Obviously if it was something where there was no extra cost to the host if they joined in and numbers don't really matter (such as watching a magic show or having a disco) then they'd usually be invited to join in by the host, but I wouldn't expect it. Even for something like bouncy castles in a hall, if 20 invited kids bring a sibling each, that's 40 kids using the equipment instead of 20, meaning that the kids who are meant to be enjoying the party are spending more time queuing for their turn etc. It's not fair.

I never said anything on invites and dealt with it on a one to one basis.

So a friend of mine with no car would have to bring siblings or her child couldn't come.

CF mum who you don't like gets told no.

Someone who asks politely you can say they are OK bouncing but there won't be a place at the table or you have to pay extra.

The issue with siblings can be if your party if for 20 7 year olds and siblings are 3, 4 or 5 - they can easily get hurt by the big kids running around. So it has to be down to the parent to watch them.

20 is plenty. How old are the children, is it not a drop off and run?

Siblings will sit down expecting a meal like all the other kids, children won't understand at that age. Then you will have to deal with the fall out. Just say no siblings and be done with it. It's not mean, it's just how life goes.

Just invite the children and don’t mention siblings; then do as @Mumdiva99 says. If people message you directly to ask then you can explain that they can come and play but it’s only booked for 20 kids to eat

@partayy

Thanks! I think I may say welcome to come but lunch only provided for older child so eat before or I can have a couple of snacks bits out if the hall allows it

I’d say “no lunch provided for accompanying siblings”, rather than “lunch only provided for older child”, to save any ambiguity over older siblings.

I hate this bringing siblings along business. It never happened with my eldest (now an adult) but my youngest had a party just before lockdown last year and we had about 6 siblings turn up that I hadn't even been asked if it was OK. They just turned up and played and then sat and ate the food!

Next party I have I will specifically say on the invites no siblings as it is just rude to self invite other people to a party.

I totally understand single parents etc... find it hard but a quiet word with the host before hand or they can drop and run. You wouldn't just turn up with other people to a wedding or other invited event, why would you do it at a children's party?

I would write no siblings OP on the invite.

I wouldn’t have some kids eat and some not. Recipe for confusion and upset children.

20 kids, no siblings.

Trouble with siblings is that it substantially broadens the age range of the party which will make it more dangerous and harder to manage. You might easily end up with a range of 0-12, with those at the upper end being children their parents don't trust to stay home alone. I would say no siblings but contact me if there is a problem. For well behaved children you could individually offer the option to drop off depending on the age of the children.

Potentially having a wide age range of kids and having some kids eating and some not eating sounds like a disaster.
I state no siblings but that you are happy for kids to be dropped off and for the parents not to stay.

Pay for what you can afford only.

My son is turning 5, the 20 invitees are of similar age as they are his nct and preschool chums. They all have siblings ranging from 0-3, so quite little.

Hadn't thought about possible fall outs / feeling left out 😕

The hall is absolutely gigantic so it just feels mean not allowing the siblings to come as when everyone gets here they'll see how much space there is.

Argh what a minefield!

So will parents expect to stay? Under 5s and toddlers loose on a bouncy castle is a risky mix, who is supervising it? Just say "sorry no siblings can be accommodated due to restricted numbers" .

I think people have misunderstood, at this point nobody has asked to bring siblings. It’s not expected at all, you send the invitation to the friend (and they don’t necessarily want smaller siblings around!). They will all want to be on the bouncy castle and 20 is more than enough for that. You’ll end up having to restrict the invited children so that smaller siblings get a turn. A 2 tier system is not a good idea, they younger kids will have run around and be hungry and won’t understand why they can’t eat like everyone else. I think you really are complicating things!
£7 a head for venue, bouncy castle and eating facilities is not particularly expensive

Parents expected to stay. With siblings it will be ten more children. So 30 kids altogether. The youngest is 1 years old so would prob be on the mats with soft play blocks and not the bouncy castle.

I've already paid a sum for the hall hire and equipment. This covers 20 kids as well.

I am providing food. £7 per child is in addition to what I've already paid and all I get for that is for the child to sit at the table with a paper plate and cup.

So with ten siblings it is £70 more just so they have a table setting basically. I know that may not seem much money to some but it is a lot for me.

Dont mention siblings on invite at all, then if a parent contacts you and asks because its difficult for childcare you can explain situation and give them choice of paying £7 to sit at table or sitting to one side with own food.

Just say "no siblings" on invite.

@Runnerduck34

Dont mention siblings on invite at all, then if a parent contacts you and asks because its difficult for childcare you can explain situation and give them choice of paying £7 to sit at table or sitting to one side with own food.

H, but you always get those CFers that just turn up with a sibling without notice...

I have to add that all of the parents of the invited children are close friends of mine and I see them all regularly including the siblings. It's not like a load of parents and siblings I don't know v well.

I guess some of the parents may see it as a nice chance to catch up with the others and also gets a break from the younger kids who will be at home!

If they're NCT / preschool friends then presumably you know the parents quite well? Just make it clear that you are only inviting the child named on the invitation.
Anyone who has a problem with that is a CF!

For me, it's not just about the cost (but £70 is a fortune to us and I wouldn't want to pay it either!).

Half as many children again means that there are more children wanting to play on the bouncy castle etc. and it's less fun for the 20 kids who were invited as they spend as long waiting as playing. Some older siblings might be rather boisterous and younger siblings can get hurt. It's not fair for the birthday child and their similar-age friends to have to adjust their play because of uninvited guests.