Going from 2 children to 3

[Parentingdilemmas]

Very soon we will be going from 2 kids to 3. I’m nervous, terrified and just overall scared of the change.

Those of you who have walked this path before please throw me your best tips and advice.

Also anything I should be warned about? I’m a realistic person so would like to hear all the grim stuff too so I can be prepared x

Surely there’s loads of you out there - help a lady out x

This was me a year ago, pregnant with a surprise 3. My first two were perfect, we had the perfect routine, they were nice ages (2and 4 so out of the wild baby stage and my little friends) and all I could think was the third would mess it all up.

Baby number 3 did. Everything went out the window (routine wise etc) the first couple of months I was like what have I done. But (and I know this sounds cheesy) he totally completes our family. My older two absolutely adore him, we now have a new routine that works just as perfectly, he's coming out of the wild baby stage and joining in with everything we do.

We do still have mad moments (but I did with two) but we have much more fun/happy moments.

The main thing I think is grim and I would change if I had a choice 😭 is how long an illness last as it it hits one of them then knocks them out like dominos (especially once the schools reopened and there was colds etc again). A bad cold could doom one or the other of them for a good month!

The best tip I'd give is give them ownership over their 'things', that not everything is for sharing. That's x's toy box so leave that be or that's y's lego so we have to keep it together. Or their bedrooms (or beds),that's z,s space so if they don't want you in it give them their space. Not everything obviously but I think even with one kid it's important to have your things looked after and respected.

But all in all I wouldn't change it- and one of them is bound to look after me in the senile years 🤣 if not there's more to share out the responsibility (or share the cost and visits in a home!)

What are the age differences?
It will be mayhem for a while. My tips are to get out often, have a routine as much as you possibly can and get some regular time for yourself.

@Babyfg - thanks for your response, I totally understand and value your advice about respecting each child’s belongings and space. I find that already with the two that I have, elder gets annoyed if younger breaks something of hers.

@ILiveInSalemsLot - thanks for replying, ages are 8 and 2. I’m worried I won’t have the time or energy to get out the house much. I’m finding it a struggle getting out now some days! I tend to procrastinate a lot and can be unmotivated getting out, it’s been an issue in the past especially during the newborn stage where it’s all nappies and bottles on repeat.

the biggest problem I had was breastfeeding not going well with DS3. he was dropping down the centiles, HV was bullying me to ff - the twat failed to recognise the tongue tie he had, something she should've checked for!!!

I didn't know at the time that he had tongue tie. nobody ever suggested it or checked it, instead they made me feel like it was my fault he wasn't gaining weight.

I can't think of anything else right now.
DS1 was 3.5 when DS3 was born so he had to slot into an existing routine.
I had to get more organised and also lower expectations so I asked for help when I needed it, didn't feel guilty about anything, didn't care about comparing myself or my kids to others, did whatever I wanted or suited us.
if that meant DS2 eating his breakfast in his jimjams on the way to playgroup (in the double pushchair) I honestly couldn't care less what anyone might have thought about that.

the best advice I can give you is that if you have a chance to rest or nap at any point during the day just do it.
if you can sit, don't stand. if you can lie down, don't sit. if you can sleep, don't stay awake!

sleep deprivation is a bitch and you won't ever regret taking a break. you can always cut corners elsewhere, do stuff later or delegate.
but being exhausted benefits nobody. take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids!
I'm saying all this from the experience of having 7 kids!
look after yourself because nobody else will

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba - thanks for replying, I absolutely love this “if you can sit, don't stand. if you can lie down, don't sit. if you can sleep, don't stay awake!”. In fact I feel like I should write this down and read it daily like a mantra once baby arrives. It’s such a good piece of advice.

yes, let it be your mantra!😁

my oldest is 20, youngest is 7 and I still take naps when I need it (like yesterday afternoon).
I have developed anxiety & mild insomnia which combined with ADHD is a bit of a shit show so I'd do anything to not feel tired. that's why I trained myself to not feel guilty or berate myself with "should do/should be".
guilt is a total waste of energy & mental resources so cut it out and you'll function much better!

best of luck, you can do it!!

The 8 yr old can be a little helper.
The 2 yr old will be the tricky one so you’ll definitely have your hands full but keep checking in that your 8 yr old doesn’t start feeling emotionally neglected. They’ll just seem so much more bigger and more self sufficient than the other two so it could be easy to do.
Try to keep a routine going for their benefit.
For the procrastination (I know all about that!) the things I found v helpful is to get into a routine where everyone is washed, teeth cleaned and dressed before we go downstairs in the morning. Use bibs and wipes for breakfast.
Keep the changing bag ready.
Tidy up with dcs help before lunch and dinner. Make sure your dp is pulling their weight and keep on top of laundry and kitchen as much as you can.

I'm in the same position OP. An unplanned 3rd when I felt sure my life was complete with 2 and we were in a great stage. My 2 are starting school and nursery and I thought I was about to get myself back to a sort of normal level of living. We have a lot of other stuff going on in our lives just now and knowing that the next few years will be dirty nappies, sleep deprivation, mess and chaos feels overwhelming.

In all honesty, I'm dreading the new baby arriving and struggle to think of the good stuff, but when I see how excited the children are I try to remind myself it will be another deep well of love, fun and happiness. In a few years I'll have 3 lovely children and hopefully a happy, busy, fun home, and in 20 years I'll have 3 adults to be proud of and cherish.

That's the plan!