Really struggling with terrible twos. Does it get worse at age 3?

[Sandrine1982]

Hi there.
I'm really struggling with DD's behaviour. She'll be 2 in 3 weeks' time. I think I'm still going through postnatal depression. I've had some help and I'm also going through therapy.
DD's extremely strong willed, smart, active toddler. Sometimes I wonder if she is hyperactive. I just don't have the mental and physical energy to deal with her every day. On some days, she has a tantrum or a screaming fit every 15 minutes.
I am terrified about this becoming even more difficult as she gets older (3-4 years old).

Can people offer success stories of toddlers who started their terrible twos early (18-20 months) and then it actually got easier towards the 3 year old mark???

Please please give me some hope :(

Sort of...it's different 🤷‍♀️. They get cleverer so better at trying to get what they want and being disobedient. But they also get funnier too and when they start to cooperate with you it's really lovely too. You can start to have a proper conversation too about behaviour etc which is nice.

4 was a bad age.

Also, I think that all toddlers avtually hit the terrible twos early, not sure why it's called the terrible twos as it certainly starts before 2. Also, i think its how you handle the tantrums. Sometimes there was the possibility that I could prevent, though they do get harder to distract. There were also times when a cuddle would sort it and kid was genuinely upset. Then there were times where ignoring was teh best way.

I think it's how you react to the tantrums too which can have an impact as well as the tantrummimg itself. Equally some kids are more predisposed to this type of behaviour too. My three year old still whinges and cries. He came all the way to the park the other day crying no no no no in a monster voice because he wanted to stay at home and watch TV. 🤷‍♀️I just kept walking and he rode alongside next to me

@567fedup Please don't say that! I was looking forward to the magic 4, everything I've read says it gets better then.

It got better, then worse again, then better, then worse again etc. And that's taken me from 2-4 where I now am, so who knows after that.

For us it's been like a wave, with periods of harmony and periods of, well 'challenge' 😬.

Also, I think that all toddlers avtually hit the terrible twos early, not sure why it's called the terrible twos as it certainly starts before 2.

Mine is 16 months and has already started yelling if he doesn’t get what he wants immediately. Is this normal?

They boundary test at every age - consistency is key (wish I could practice what I preach!)

I found the age between 1 and 2 the hardest. Once dd could speak and understand I could prepare for tantrums better.
The biggest underlying cause for tantrums was hunger, thirst, and tiredness/being generally overwhelmed.
So if I feel a tantrum brewing we go to a quieter place and I offer a snack and drink.
The tantrums that seemed to be no f-ing reason at all were mostly before the age of 2.

Tantrums after about 3 are less frequent but when they happen they are massive and there's no way out of them, he just has to work his way through it whereas before that I could sometimes distract him from it.

I think every age has its challenges, and each of my kids go through phases of being difficult and phases of being a dream. It will pass and you'll be on to the next phase with hopefully a but of respite in-between.

My current 3 year old is easy in that she goes to the toilet herself, is funny and chatty, will watch a bit of TV or play with toys quietly for a good amount of time, she can understand very simple games, she can play with her cousin for a period of time without an adult so my sister and I get a cup of tea, she eats the same as the rest of the family so we all eat together.

She's difficult in that she wants to do everything herself even if she can't do it so it takes ages getting out the house etc, she gets furious when she can't do things, she's started messing about at bedtime, she gets up early, she has discovered the power of whining, she and her brother wrestle/race and she always comes off worse. She's also getting more emotionally intelligent and I'm trying to help her navigate her very strong feelings about things.

I absolutely hated aged 1-2 with both my children and dreading it with my 3rd but after that I think it gets easier. My 5 year old is physically easy and is really an absolute delight, but he's discovering the world in a way that emotionally I find difficult to manage.

@peaches35

Also, I think that all toddlers avtually hit the terrible twos early, not sure why it's called the terrible twos as it certainly starts before 2.

Mine is 16 months and has already started yelling if he doesn’t get what he wants immediately. Is this normal?

I have a 2.5 year old and a 16 month old. My 16 month old has started stamping her feet and near enough throwing herself to the floor when she can't get what she wants. I tenner my oldest started doing it around 15 mi the so yep I think it's normal

Thanks. It seems to vary a lot. I also wonder if it's also to do with the fact that we're raising her as a bilingual. She talks a lot (mostly in English which is dominant because of nursery) but half the time she's not making any sense. I know that's absolutely normal for bilingual kids at that age and I want to keep up the heritage language, but it's all very draining mentally ... I wonder if it would all be so much easier if we just spoke English all the time

I don't think it necessarily gets worse at 3. I do find 3/4 worse than 2 but then I find 2 absolutely lovely and easy so I don't think it's quite the same (or my kids just go through that phase later?)

Defo normal for tantrums to start a few months/weeks after their first birthday but the tantrums never really bothered me. It's normal, they just have absolutely zero emotion regulation skills.

I think it's quite normal at nearly 3 for their language to still be patchy and here and there, whether bilingual or monolingual. We can probably understand about 80-90% of what DS2 says, he is bilingual English/German (English dominant as has only been in German nursery 6 months). His speech is unusually clear I think.

I actually think it got loads easier at 3!
DD1 (11) had her "terrible twos" the worst at 15-18 months, she was much easier from 3. Although generally a chilled out, easy going child anyway, I just think her communication was better from 3 which makes everything easier.
DD2 (3y4m) had "terrible twos" from 18 months-3rd birthday, with the worst patch being 2+1/4 to 2+3/4, she's developmentally delayed so she doesn't communicate like a normal 3yo (speech is around 24 months, overall development is 18-36 months for different areas) but her temperament has improved, tantrums are over in seconds vs up to 15 minutes when she was 2 and a half. She's strong-willed anyway.

I’m really sorry to say that my kids got worse when they turned 3. They’re smarter, know more words, stronger and no longer nap.

The hideous temper tantrums from DS lessened greatly as he’s been able to communicate better (speech delay) and he’s started to understand emotions. But.... between the two of them, it’s so much worse than when they were 2. We have some good days which are utterly delightful, but bad days are hell.

The plus side of them being 3 is the free nursery hours kick in which have been a god send for me (I’m a sahm). As they can talk more they’re also hilarious and loving, they say the sweetest things nearly daily.

Really, I’d say the rollercoaster of young children gets a lot bumpier at 3! But the highs make the lows totally worth it. 💓

Mine was such a nightmare (screaming tantrums) at 2, I didn’t want to believe that 3 would be hard too. Sadly, 3-3.5yrs was really tough too, in a different way to 2. Two was basically just tantrums. At 3, there is a whole range of more mature issues to deal with.

Very deliberate and calculated boundary pushing, still some emotional tantrums but mostly threenager attitude - backchat, strops, sulks. The silliness is beyond irritating at times. The Whhhhhhhhyyyyyyy??? phase (which is still ongoing) which goes in hand with the inane questions phase.and moaning, omg, the moaning! And some surprise issues like starting to ask questions about death and then sobbing uncontrollably over never meeting his grandmother who died before he was born, it was sweet and alarming and I had no idea what to do with him!

However the second half of 3 has been easier. He still has his moments but his patience has improved, he understands boundaries and doesn’t push them every time (maybe just 50%!). He’s old enough for a bit of compromise and bargaining.

There’s some really great stuff about 3 too though. I can have a proper conversation with him, he’s starting to understand things more deeply, he’s got a sense of humour (which isn’t always poo related, just mostly!), he’s getting confidence to do things by himself without adult support, he can play alone for periods, I can trust him to wander around the house, he can dress himself, go to the toilet alone, we can play board games etc together. He starting to do extra curricular activities and learning how he feels proud when he pushes himself and achieves something. Three has also been a lot of fun.