Baby blues a year late?

[ibis17]

Hello,

I’m new here, but would really appreciate any thoughts/ shared experiences on this.

I had my first baby, a girl, 6 days into the first lockdown last year. I had been concerned about post natal depression, as I’ve had bits of depression in the past, but even with all the covid set backs, I ended up having a very positive first year with her. My partner had an unexpected bout of terrible mental health, so a lot of the last year it was her and I working things out together.

This has started to turn recently and I’ve found my mood has taken a real hit. I basically feel utterly exhausted the whole time, and very anxious, have suddenly incredibly low self esteem, imaging I’m being a terrible parent/ partner. I have somehow gained weight since birth rather than losing it (despite a good fitness/ healthy eating routine) and this has been really impacting how I see myself.

I love spending time with my daughter, but feel I’m struggling in every other aspect of life.

She stopped breastfeeding a month ago and I wonder if some of the exhaustion comes from hormone changes?

I feel like I prepared so much for the ‘baby’ stage, but ‘toddler’ is uncharted territory.

We are also trying to work out if/ when to try for a second, which feels quite stressful.

Thank you.

Yes absolutely I experienced mood changes and cognitive effects from hormone changes when I stopped breastfeeding. It lasted a good few weeks. This was despite it being at 2 years with a very reduced level of feeding (2 feeds a day only). It totally took me by surprise first time round. No one warns you about this bit! I was more prepared on subsequent occasions.

How has it fitted in with the return to work? I found the identity shifts in returning to work as significant as when I became a mum, that's why I ask.

It is a change, parenting a toddler, but it is fun.

Sounds like you've had a year of many shifts. I would take the pressure off wrt having another. My 3 year gap was a lot easier than my just over 2 year gap. Kids get a lot more independent about 2.5, which makes it significantly easier when you have a baby.

Wrt weight gain, I don't have the total answer. I kept weight on after my first, but lost much more after my second. I calorie counted, plus bf, plus more diligent about walking etc. I do think the body responds differently why you are still bf, it holds water etc. And some things never go back - fingers feet stomach will never be the same again. The whole preg/bf rollercoaster has been a lot for my body actually. I have really come to be amazed by what it can do, and to roll with how my body responds without trying to be too forceful with it.

Overall, please just be kind and compassionate to yourself. You've been through a lot. These are hard years. Take the pressure off yourselves.

Sounds like a hormone crash post breast feeding.

I had this when my dd cut the bulk of her breasts feeding. It's definitely a thing and can be brutal. I wish I'd gone to the GP instead of muddling through so maybe reach out for support from them if you feel you need it?
Sending much sympathy