Who will have my children if my husband and I both die

[Belle82]

My other half and I can’t quite believe that we haven’t put a will into place yet, our LG is 3.5 yrs old now.
Now it is on the top of our agenda.

The most difficult issue is who would have our little girl and little boy (due in December). It will be stipulated in the will under no circumstances are they to go to my SIL & her husband, due to a serious incident, I posted about it a while ago www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4296472-AIBU-to-still-hate-my-BIL?msgid=109071833

Anyway, they would be the obvious choice on paper, parents to 3 kids, family, but it’s a hard no and will always be that way.

Pretty sure MIL is almost 80 (I think), and my mum is 75 and lives 200 miles away. I don’t really want my children to be in the situation where they loose us and a few years later loose their grandparents who they would live with.

I have two brothers who show no interest of settling down and having children.
Same goes for my husbands brother, they’re all great men but I just don’t think would suit having children.

We have a wide circle of friends, only one couple who kind of stand out and our LG loves them so I am swayed towards them, but their girls are all grown up now.

Then there is also my husband’s uncle & wife, however their children are all grown up now and I’m not sure they would appreciate two young children to look after.

I am stuck, who have you chosen to have your children in your Will?

I am sorry for the very morbid discussion, I hope nothing ever happens to us, but I know in family court, my SIL would be the choice they would choose (grandparents too old) in the case of no Will, and we want it pretty much set in stone that never happens.

❤️

You could ask the couples, who have grown up children, how they would feel.

I mean, my dc are grown up, but, in the incredibly unlikely event of both of you dying, if you were a dear friend, then I would take in your dc in a heartbeat.

However, another option - as, don't forget, once you've made your will it is likely to sit there unchanged for 10 years or so, where one of the 3 Uncles might be in a very different position - is to appoint two (or three?) of them to make the decision, at the time, as to what will be best for the dc at the time. This is what we did. One of the people was single and childfree when we asked them, and, four years later, married with own child. Things change. I would appoint people if there are people you trust 100%, to make the right decision at the time.

Hello, yes I’d echo kite22 suggestion ... we were in a similar position to you and appointed my aunt and uncle as Guardians in our will. They are elderly, don’t live in mainland uk and wouldent be able to actually care for them themselves long term but I trust them to put our kids first and find people in our wider family or their own friendship network that could care for them. Don’t forget it’s only to cover a period of years and things can change a lot in people’s life’s, especially your brothers. Xx

It's such a hard thing to do, but it's so important to get your will right and also know your rights. We have friends named in our will and have made our wishes known to everyone to hopefully avoid family fights, although you can't technically leave your children to someone. I think this most important thing is to talk to the people you want to be guardians, explain why and then see a solicitor :)

Thank you so much for all you’re help. We have invited our friends over to discuss with them.

I think I want the will more to say who can not have her.

Thank you again

I don’t think you can stipulate who won’t have them: ultimately any decision you make in your will will have to be verified through social services. You can make your feelings know in your will but, at the risk of pointing out the obvious, you would be dead so it’s not actually up to you at that point.

I chose my parents although it would be impractical due to age. When I researched the matter, it seems, as pp said, the will is simply guidance for the authorities who will make the decision. On that basis, it felt unnecessary to agonise over the decision when my preference may not matter and, more importantly, it's unlikely we would both die simultaneously.