Is my 11 year old stressed/ depressed?

[gwynniestwin]

My ds1's (11) teacher told me told that she was worried about him as he had been very quiet and tired in past few wks. I have also noticed that he looks tired and he said he had a headache and felt sick today. He has had trouble sleeping recently. I asked him whether he was worrying about anything and whether he was happy at school (always done very well at school) and he insisted not - but he did seem on the verge of tears. He has always been very bright and has had trouble making friends at school. Also, 18mths ago his dad died and although he didn't live with him, it upset him a lot. And..12wks ago my dd2 arrived. I don't know what to do - he doesn't seem to want to talk about things.Is it worth looking into counselling or going to the GP or am I maybe making too much of this?

No, I don't think you're making too much of things. There could be so many reasons - health, friendships, academic pressures, bereavement, struggling to adapt to the new baby - and there is this whole culture among boys of not really talking about their feelings. I think you need to persist in trying to get him to talk to you, and maybe find him some information about the sort of things youth/child counsellors can help with. Or is there a family friend or relative who he might open up to a bit more?

this might be useful

can you manufacture any way to spend a significant amount of time with him on your own? doing a job together, or for a long walk or something - I find it is often easier to talk while engaged over something else, maybe after time spent DS might open up a bit. Realise it will be difficult for you with new baby, but maybe a family friend, or a GP could try imstead?

Thanks for the link, hassled. Really hard to know what to do at times!! Thanks also pandag, we have tried to spend time with ds1 on his own but he doesn't seem to want to open up to us, so maybe finding someone else, like an uncle, might be better. He's never really been the type to talk about his feelings.

My mother died when I was 11, she had been ill for 2 years so wasn't that unexpected but I know what if feels like from a childs perspective. Please take him to counselling, I wish something was offered to me when I was his age. With a new baby on top he must be really suffering. He is undergoing a grieving process - a birth can often emphasise a death and loss. He really needs help. Talk to your school about help he could have or the GP. A well balanced male relative/god father perhaps? He knows you having a tough time with a new baby and probably doesn't want to bother you. Poor lad.