Does your child clean up after themselves?

[Parentingdilemmas]

Hello

I have an 8yo who I encourage to clean up after herself after meals such as taking her empty dishes into the the kitchen and if she’s left food scattered on the dining table/floor to clear it up after her meal.

Sometimes I feel bad watching her pick up all her crummys and I ask myself am I being a bit too neat and tidy? Then the other side of me thinks it’s a good skill and will be important as she gets older.

What do your kids do? x

I try to make them but they are pretty rubbish (10 and 7)

DS helped me pick up the peas he'd dropped at dinner tonight he's 2.5 (he may have eaten some of them...)

Mine cheat dishes and I sometimes make them clean the table, I think you're teaching good skills and if it's part of the team effort of tidying away the meal then you're making her feel part of the team and useful which will give her a good feeling about doing the task

Mine does not all, and it's a source of so much friction in the house.
Stick with it, is my advice, because it's hard to enforce once you let things slide.

My boys are 9&7 and yes they know to take their dishes, scrap the plates and put in the dishwasher.
Properly shit at doing most other things like picking up their clothes and putting in washing basket though, or emptying candy wrappers from their pockets but thems the breaks!

I want them to do it so often that when they get older it becomes automatic and they don’t end up with a partner who ends up staring, eye twitching, at the dishes stacked above the dishwasher as if they’ll magically put themselves in there.

I feel better already, sometimes I just wonder if I’m being harsh but tbh these life skills are so important aren’t they.

Absolutely! My cousin married a man whose mum had done everything for him even making his packed lunch and polishing his shoes when he was an adult.
He was a nightmare to live with. In the end she caved before he did and has ended up a 50's housewife, that's how strong early habits are if you firm the wrong ones. In his defence the marriage still works cos he is a keen 50's husband so the division of labour is split... But there's no flexibility and he's screwed if she's ill.

100% get them used to tidying up after themselves. You're a parent not a slave - if they're able to do it, why should you have to?

My partners son is 17 and does nothing. I wish he'd been raised like your child!

We have tears and tantrums here every day over the most simple things, so much so that I feel like running away.
It's really important to teach this stuff.

Absolutely. I'm v firm on this. From when they could walk they brought plates to dishwasher etc - seriously.

Now at 14, 12 & 10, they clear up, I relax go on MN 😀

They have to take turns cooking / helping with cooking dinner, depending on age. So that person doesn't clean up, other 2, clear, rinse plates, load dishwasher, wipe table, sweep floor & stack stuff for washing. I'll do that later.

Varying levels of competency & one DC who urgently needs the loo after every meal, but I keep on it.

My DS11 always clears up after himself, without being asked…he’s very tidy, like me and likes everything in it’s place. DD13, DS13 and DS17 on the other hand need CONSTANT reminders that I am their mother, not their housekeeper. They are all more than capable of clearing up after themselves and only laziness stops them. Luckily for them…I’m there to remind them I shall continue to remind them until they move out.
I think it’s so important that children learn to clean up after themselves and realise early on that it’s everybody’s job to muck in and help and it’s never just left to one person.
I don’t want to send my DC off in to the world ever expecting anyone to clean up their mess!

Yep my 9 year old puts dirty plates etc in the dishwasher and even hung the washing out on the line today but you would need a hazmat suit to go into her room some days!

I’ve not enforced it consistently yet, although I should, but DS1 (aged almost 4) will take used cups, plates etc to the kitchen when instructed if he’s been allowed to eat/drink in another room. I tend to clear the kitchen table myself just because it’s quicker. He insisted on carrying a cup of milk to another room recently after I told him to sit at the table with it, of course he split some, so I gave him a cloth and he wiped it up.

My five year old girl is extremely helpful - she'll take her dinner plate to the sink and get kitchen roll and spray to clean the table. If she overhears her father and i talking about what a big helpful girl she is it spurs her on to do even more!

She even brought a bottle of red wine over to us this evening!

It's a very basic life skill. Both of mine are autistic. One learned to clean up after himself (finally) at school (and learned that it's a great way of avoiding eating something he doesn't fancy!) and the other resisted forever until I made it clear that the chocolate fairy won't ever visit if he leaves all his crap for me to clean up!

3.5yo - puts his plates in the kitchen after meals and leftover food in the bin (if it's easy to do), tidies toys away, puts dirty clothes in the wash basket and puts his shoes on the shoe rack. Gets the dustpan and brush out if there are crumbs and will get a cloth to wipe up spills. Long may it continue.

No, my 8 year old is shit but only because it doesn’t occur to him to do it.
Happily cleans up when asked and directed.
I’m kind of getting a routine going so he just does it.
But he is messy.

My older child was much worse, argued, delayed, pissed about when asked to clear up or do anything.
Now a teenager absolutely no way am I picking up after him so he does it all and is really good.

They will be self sufficient and no way will they be man child like as adults.

5 and 7 years old here. Atm they clear the table without being asked. DD sets the table before meals for everyone. DS empties the dishwasher. I usually dont even have to ask, hes very proud to tell me when hes done this. Im guessing this will change in a few years and he will be less enthusiastic..
Other than that their only “chore” is to clean up all their toys at night. I usually have to remind them about this.
DH had a maid growing up and never had to do this. Living together was hell at the beginning, for both of us.

Not harsh at all. Very good thing to teach them! DS2 is better at it than DS1.

I'm not a parent yet (5 weeks to go!) But I work with children and you can always tell the ones who are expected to help at home and the ones who have personal slaves to clean up after themselves...I prefer the ones in the first category!
I teach a lot of 'own a pony' days and the looks I get from some of them when I ask them to pick up the brushes or equipment they've used and put it away is funny.
It just doesn't seem to occur to them that I'm not there to do every tiny thing for them...but they get over it quickly.

Love these responses as they’ve encouraged me to keep at it and not fall into the role of a slave. i once read a quote that said “doing everything for kids will only handicap them” and we don’t want to raise children that expect others to wait on them hand and foot.

Nah, they're lazy little mess making machines. I have been making them tidy their rooms lately though as I'm heavily pregnant and stuff on the floor is not the easiest for me lol, desperate to be able to clean under the bunk beds again (haven't been able to fit under for months).

My 1 yr old I get her to put her rubbish in the bin. Obvs it's a novelty just now and I do sometimes find bowls and spoons etc in the bin 🙈

My 4yr old I also ask her to put rubbish in the bin, she will sometimes completely ignores me though! I also ask her to take her plates etc to the sink or place on the worktop (she's bn known to fling them in) so I'll say put on the worktop next to the sink. We also try to get her to tidy up her toys and room etc but she does like 1 or 2 things while I do the rest 🙄 Sometimes she'll want to "help" me clean so I give her a wee cloth to go around with.

Trying to get her to dress herself 😂 and even though she can she's just soooo blooming lazy. When I'm trying to get out the door for work is the worst.

My mum did everything for me, I was the laziest child and I got away with it. She was a mug and I tell her that I wouldn't let my own get away with that. When I moved in with my now dh at 22 I had no idea how to work a washing machine. His mum had died when he was little so his dad had taught him how to do things for himself fairly well, maybe as he needed the help. Although he still avoids making meals a lot (he's more won't cook rather than can't).

Yes carry on. I do it because firstly, I don’t want to be the house slave and secondly, I want to raise my dc to be competent and independent.

My nearly 3 year old has offered to help clean up since she was 17 months. I suspect it is because at her CM's there are children up to 9 years old who do so.

She is often more of a hindrance than a help but she puts her toys away, puts clothes in the laundry basket or washing machine, puts the right things in the bin, and will try and clean up after she has eaten. She tries to vacuum and sweep floors.

I use to babysit regularly for 3 kids and they use to fight to be the one to do most of the cleaning up after they had eaten e.g. wiping the table and sweeping the floor. The youngest was 3 and the oldest was 7.